Definitely watching someone live through a long drawn out painful death. I have watched several family members go through this with cancer. You feel so helpless and frustrated. When they die suddenly it's a shock but you don't have the range of emotions you have while watching someone suffer.

There are a variety of factors involved when it comes to how difficult it is either way. How close the relationship is, the personality types involved, whether or not you are actually present when the person is going through the illness and dies, extreme financial hardships, whether you are an adult or a child at the time, individual levels of coping skills, a support system or lack of one, etc.

For example, in the case of an unexpected sudden death, that sometimes means a horrific accident in which one family member is driving (and perhaps is the one who caused the wreck) and other loved ones in the car don't live through it.

There are all kinds of painful and terrible when it comes to loss in this world, that's for sure. People are who they are and feel what they feel, and there's no one right answer to this in terms of all the anger, fear, sorrow, desperation and other things a person could experience. In other words, I don't think grief is a competition in which one person's situation can be judged on the surface as somehow less significant or easier to deal with than the suffering of another person.

To put this into perspective, think of the person you care about the most. The person who has the most effect on you and everything you do. You wake up one morning and get a call that that person just died in a car crash. Let that sink in... Or you wake up and get a call that that person has just been diagnosed with cancer. Let that sink in...Both are a big blow, however in one case you have a chance to talk to that person again, say goodbye. However in the other you do not. It depends on if that individual going through this has had experience in one circumstance or the other. You really don't know anything in this life unless you experience it yourself. So since you are asking for my opinion, I have lost a few people suddenly and a few more on a long term basis. I have to say being at each funeral and seeing each person's reaction, it seems more people take the sudden loss harder. Also in the other circumstance, you have time to prepare a bit for what is to come. Although nothing can prepare you for death, you at least have some time. Agree with me or agree to disagree.

Hands down for me it is watching them die a long painful drawn out death. I have seen a few family members do that but when I worked in the nursing home as an aide I seen it way to often. I have seen folks hang on for days in the coma state waiting for a loved one to enter, that is always sad as heck. I no longer work in the nursing home, because death was a constant thing. It was so hard to take care of these folks, become close to them only to watch them pass slowly. It is way better to go quickly.