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Is marriage still relevant. Is it possible to love one person for the rest of your life, was happily ever after a lie!
I want to know from married couples, who've been married longer than a decade what marriage REALLY entails, why they did it and if given the opportunity would do it again.
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October 09, 2009 01:04 PM
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I've been married to the same woman for 27 years. My Mom and Dad were married for 51 years until Dad died. My Grandparents celebrated their 52nd just before grandpa died.
Marriage is so relevant that I hardly know where to start. My wife and I are a team, we could not do without each other. Imagine trying to play basketball with only 3 players instead of five, or row a with a crew of 3 instead of 4. Everything in life is easier when we face it as a couple. Finances, chores (like fixing dinner and washing clothes), parenting (oh my goodness). When one is struggling, the other holds them up. When both are struggling, we just hold each other.
Love is a choice you make, and it is exhibited by actions. It isn't a feeling exhibited by words. Loving one person for life is possible if you both decide to do so. If you both take your vows seriously, "to love and to cherish from this day forward, til death do us part." Hard times are coming, believe it. Grandpa and Grandma went through the Great Depression and WWII. Mom and Dad went through Dad's stint in the Navy and the 1970s, where Dad lost two jobs in just a few years due to the recession. We are facing unemployment ourselves.
My personal philosophy about "happily ever after" is this: Substitute "thankfully ever after". Even in the hardest of times, (and we've had some), I can always find a reason to be thankful. I am so thankful to have all that has been given me, starting with my wife and children. I surely don't deserve it, and if you knew me, you'd probably agree.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat, but I'd do it with more love and more kindness, less arguing and fussing. This video "Do it Again" is by Rusty Wright Band, friends of mine from my home town.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfeyXpVogg
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I've been married to the same woman for 27 years. My Mom and Dad were married for 51 years until Dad died. My Grandparents celebrated their 52nd just before grandpa died.
Marriage is so relevant that I hardly know where to start. My wife and I are a team, we could not do without each other. Imagine trying to play basketball with only 3 players instead of five, or row a with a crew of 3 instead of 4. Everything in life is easier when we face it as a couple. Finances, chores (like fixing dinner and washing clothes), parenting (oh my goodness). When one is struggling, the other holds them up. When both are struggling, we just hold each other.
Love is a choice you make, and it is exhibited by actions. It isn't a feeling exhibited by words. Loving one person for life is possible if you both decide to do so. If you both take your vows seriously, "to love and to cherish from this day forward, til death do us part." Hard times are coming, believe it. Grandpa and Grandma went through the Great Depression and WWII. Mom and Dad went through Dad's stint in the Navy and the 1970s, where Dad lost two jobs in just a few years due to the recession. We are facing unemployment ourselves.
My personal philosophy about "happily ever after" is this: Substitute "thankfully ever after". Even in the hardest of times, (and we've had some), I can always find a reason to be thankful. I am so thankful to have all that has been given me, starting with my wife and children. I surely don't deserve it, and if you knew me, you'd probably agree.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat, but I'd do it with more love and more kindness, less arguing and fussing. This video "Do it Again" is by Rusty Wright Band, friends of mine from my home town.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfeyXpVogg
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October 09, 2009 02:45 PM
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You want to know what marriage entails? Here's the breakdown....
Years one to two - Honeymoon phase, can't get enough of each other, can't stay out of each other's pants.
Years two to four - Honeymoon phase is over, adjusting to those little things you don't like about him or her that you didn't notice during the honeymoon phase beacuse you were too busy loving that person for all they are worth.
Years four to six - Those little things you don't like about the other person begin gradually becoming more and more annoying, but to off set that, you begin to grow a loving familiarity.
Years six to eight - The seven year itch! If you can survive this, you can survive the entire marriage. Those little things you don't like begin to really get under your skin and, if you don't communicate with your partner effectively and get rid of those resentments early, you may feel like getting up and just screaming at the other person from time to time. This is where the real work comes in.
Years eight to ten - These are the years where the wounds from the previous two-year period tend to heal over and you begin to feel that loving familiarity again, like an old pair of shoes that are sooooo comfortable and you just can't get rid of them because you love them so much.
That's as far as I've gotten. Anyone else want to build on this answer?
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Years one to two - Honeymoon phase, can't get enough of each other, can't stay out of each other's pants.
Years two to four - Honeymoon phase is over, adjusting to those little things you don't like about him or her that you didn't notice during the honeymoon phase beacuse you were too busy loving that person for all they are worth.
Years four to six - Those little things you don't like about the other person begin gradually becoming more and more annoying, but to off set that, you begin to grow a loving familiarity.
Years six to eight - The seven year itch! If you can survive this, you can survive the entire marriage. Those little things you don't like begin to really get under your skin and, if you don't communicate with your partner effectively and get rid of those resentments early, you may feel like getting up and just screaming at the other person from time to time. This is where the real work comes in.
Years eight to ten - These are the years where the wounds from the previous two-year period tend to heal over and you begin to feel that loving familiarity again, like an old pair of shoes that are sooooo comfortable and you just can't get rid of them because you love them so much.
That's as far as I've gotten. Anyone else want to build on this answer?
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October 09, 2009 03:19 PM
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I've been married for 14 years now. This is my second marriage. My first one ended because he was abusive. I love my husband to death even though he makes me crazy and we are complete opposites. He is a hard worker but irresponsible in several aspects of our life finances being one. I am a control freak. Whether this comes from my being completely out of control in my first marriage or something else, I don't know. I like everything organized and running smoothly at all times. My point is...marriage is a lot of give and take. You have to over look their faults and find some way to compromise. I've learned so much from this second marriage I've learned to give up some of my control except people for the way they are. We have been through a lot of ups and downs but we always find a way through it, because the alternative is unthinkable.
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October 09, 2009 03:34 PM
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Well, I have been married for almost 17 years. Committed relationships take HARD work. They are not, nor will they ever be easy. Marriage takes alot of patience (80%) with each other, understanding (5%), and about 15% communication. If you feel that you do not have patience with other people and their idiotic behaviors, then, marriage may not be fore you. However, the joys of having someone to share with, even on the days that I feel saddened because it seems that he is not listening, lol, outweigh pretty much the hard times we have both been through. Yes, I would do it again, because it has only been through my experience with him that I have learned so much about myself and other people. It never ceases to amaze me the things I am still learning!
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