Answered Conundrum Next Conundrum
What's the best way to ask for forgiveness for a wrong that you committed many years ago?
Interesting Question? Yes (0) No (0)- In Belief and Thought |
- |
- Report |
-
Share
RSS
Best Answer Chosen by Asker
Marked as Best!
October 29, 2009 11:37 PM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
I think it depends upon the nature of the wrong, and whether or not they know about it. If they know you did something to them, and it caused a rift that has been open for many years, I think you'll need to approach them carefully so they even talk to you at all. You can probably expect that they will be still be a little angry, and you'll probably have to explain, honestly, why it's taken so long to apologize. In that situation, I would call to tell them that I would like to meet them in person to apologize, and then be accepting of whatever answer they gave. If after all this time, they have no wish to be apologized to, because they don't want to dredge it up, I would simply tell them quickly that I am sorry, then that I respect their right to not want a longer conversation and let it go. If they were willing to talk, I would pick a private place, start out by apologizing for the delay of my apology, and then offer the most honest, sincere apology I could, without making excuses.
If they don't know that you did something to them, you actually get to have two conversations: the "I need to tell you something..." conversation, and then the "I need to apologize" conversation. It would be great if those could happen one right after the other, but you may have to end the first conversation with "I am truly sorry, but if you need some time to be angry, we can talk about that later" and just recognize they're going to be mad at you for a while.
In either sense, I think you owe them honesty, so you don't back yourself into any more corners.
If they don't know that you did something to them, you actually get to have two conversations: the "I need to tell you something..." conversation, and then the "I need to apologize" conversation. It would be great if those could happen one right after the other, but you may have to end the first conversation with "I am truly sorry, but if you need some time to be angry, we can talk about that later" and just recognize they're going to be mad at you for a while.
In either sense, I think you owe them honesty, so you don't back yourself into any more corners.
| Asker's Rating: |
• Thank you for your answer.
Helpful Answer?
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
Other Answers (4)
October 30, 2009 12:15 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Be straight with the person. Be calm and contrite. And most of all be sincere.
They are not obligated to accept the apology or to even talk to you about it. But sometimes the act of asking forgiveness gives the person you are apologizing to the control or lead, or even the security to be able to accept that apology. The fact that you are making the effort and admitting a wrong doing may be enough to smooth a rocky path. It allows them to be gracious or to choose not to accept the admission of wrong doing.
It may take a while for them to accept it or even to acknowledge your effort. But you have planted a healing seed and that may grow to a healthier solution and allow healing to start.
Do it with class and grace and it will help. Sometimes a simple I am sorry can open a door. Even if they still will not accept you ior the apology, you can live with yourself knowing you finally tried to fix the hurt you caused.
You can only offer. You cannot force the person to accept it, but it is the right step to try and heal a wrong.
Helpful Answer?
They are not obligated to accept the apology or to even talk to you about it. But sometimes the act of asking forgiveness gives the person you are apologizing to the control or lead, or even the security to be able to accept that apology. The fact that you are making the effort and admitting a wrong doing may be enough to smooth a rocky path. It allows them to be gracious or to choose not to accept the admission of wrong doing.
It may take a while for them to accept it or even to acknowledge your effort. But you have planted a healing seed and that may grow to a healthier solution and allow healing to start.
Do it with class and grace and it will help. Sometimes a simple I am sorry can open a door. Even if they still will not accept you ior the apology, you can live with yourself knowing you finally tried to fix the hurt you caused.
You can only offer. You cannot force the person to accept it, but it is the right step to try and heal a wrong.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
October 30, 2009 01:44 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Let me start by saying asking for forgiveness is the biggest step. I had a child out of wedlock while in the navy. By doing so i hurt many lives. Much of the hurt hasnt come to play until 20 years later. My oldest daughter from my first wife beleaves i am to blame for leaving her mother and her. My seconed daughter is hurt for me not being their for her. Actions that were made years ago are no more fault of what you did or who you are. Once more the actions that you make today should not be held against you twenty years from now. These are just part of life. Now if you go on and continue to live without learning from these actions shows that you have no remorse and the point becomes moot. I had to look deep within myself swollow a lot of pride recognise that i am accountable for all things that i have missed out on . I gave coudos to the mothers of my daughters for raising them as a single parent. Look at the problem identify the solution work toward the direction of healing like any good dance
Helpful Answer?
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
October 30, 2009 02:16 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Say sorry and prove that you mean it. Sometimes, saying sorry is not enough especially if the damage done is quite worst. Exert more effort in proving how sorry you are. Remember, actions speaks louder than words. Things you can do are unlimited. Take whatever chance you have to do a favor for that person.
If in the end that person didn't forgive you, then don't stop being good to him/her. Continue doing good deeds to that person no matter how he/she doesn't care or what.
Helpful Answer?
If in the end that person didn't forgive you, then don't stop being good to him/her. Continue doing good deeds to that person no matter how he/she doesn't care or what.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
Answer this Question
View All Belief and Thought QuestionsAsk a Conundrum
Please visit these retailers to purchase Conundrum or find the wine at these fine restaurants:
-
1991 St Helena Hwy
-
699 St Helena Hwy
-
1115 Main St
-
1321 Main St
-
RT @FrankLovesWine: Time to open that Caymus Select because the House Passed Health Care Reform! http://bit.ly/abHBJx #wine
8:04 p.m. March 21st, 2010 -
Time to open that Caymus Select because the House Passed Health Care Reform! http://bit.ly/abHBJx #wine
7:29 p.m. March 21st, 2010 -
Had a bottle of '96 Caymus Cab with dinner last night. Very nice. It is holding up well and pretty tasty!
11:34 a.m. March 21st, 2010 -
Caymus Family of Wines, a five-course dinner with wine pairings~www.ranchandcoast.com
3:05 p.m. March 20th, 2010 -
@ninasfeet @davidcook i see you a cakebread and raise you a caymus http://bit.ly/aA5O9s
10 a.m. March 19th, 2010