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What's the best way to tell your parents you no longer belong to their religion?
Assuming you don't; if you still do, or never did in the first place, just pretend.
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October 19, 2009 12:04 AM
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Been there. Done that.
I chose to slowly work it into the conversation. Didn't want to dump a heap of information on them all at once, especially since my new path isn't very mainstream or popular.
So I started by just politely declining to attend Easter dinner. When they asked why, I said, "Well I'm just exploring other spiritual options so I'm declining this year, but tell Aunt Heloise I say hi..." and quickly hung up.
Then over time I eased them into the idea of WHAT path I've chosen. I treat it as a "need to know" basis, revealing more to my mom who's more understanding and curious.
I think the most important thing is to approach it all in a way that will insult your parents the least. It shouldn't be a smack in the face to them that you're following a different path, so it's very important that I treat their faith respectfully and with patience and understanding. In trade, hopefully they'll follow suit.
We're working on it.
I chose to slowly work it into the conversation. Didn't want to dump a heap of information on them all at once, especially since my new path isn't very mainstream or popular.
So I started by just politely declining to attend Easter dinner. When they asked why, I said, "Well I'm just exploring other spiritual options so I'm declining this year, but tell Aunt Heloise I say hi..." and quickly hung up.
Then over time I eased them into the idea of WHAT path I've chosen. I treat it as a "need to know" basis, revealing more to my mom who's more understanding and curious.
I think the most important thing is to approach it all in a way that will insult your parents the least. It shouldn't be a smack in the face to them that you're following a different path, so it's very important that I treat their faith respectfully and with patience and understanding. In trade, hopefully they'll follow suit.
We're working on it.
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October 18, 2009 07:10 PM
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If my parents were Buddhists, I would just hug them and let them know that I've chosen another road for the time being. I'm sure they would shrug their shoulders and hug me back.
If my parents were Jewish, I wouldn't be able to get over the guilt of telling them, and just play along at all holiday celebrations. Sorry.
If my parents were Muslim, I would have to be prepared for the "... Well, even though you're going to hell, we love you anyway" speech. (I've had that talk with family friends in the Middle East by the way)
If my parents were fire and brimstone Baptists... I'd make sure I tell them over the phone. Long distance!
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If my parents were Jewish, I wouldn't be able to get over the guilt of telling them, and just play along at all holiday celebrations. Sorry.
If my parents were Muslim, I would have to be prepared for the "... Well, even though you're going to hell, we love you anyway" speech. (I've had that talk with family friends in the Middle East by the way)
If my parents were fire and brimstone Baptists... I'd make sure I tell them over the phone. Long distance!
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October 18, 2009 09:41 PM
Lol I used to be a Baptist, though I'm not sure if it was the fire and brimstone kind-I was too young to know.
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October 19, 2009 03:16 PM
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It may not be safe to tell parents who are Islamic, even in the West, especially for daughters. There is a current story about a gal in Florida, but there have been others in the past.
"On January 1, 2008, a Muslim father killed his own daughters in Irving, Texas in an honor killing. On January 26, 2009, Chaudry Rashid, a Pakistani-born Muslim, killed his own daughter in Georgia because she wanted to leave a marriage arranged by her family. According to estimates by the United Nations Population Fund, there may be up to 5,000 female victims of honour killings annually." In conservative Islamic countries such as Afganistan and northern Nigeria the sharia law demands the death sentence for leaving Islam, although the civil courts have so far prevented executions. In Saudi Arabia or Malaysia you can't even try.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/03/muslim.convert/index.html
http://www.religiousintelligence.co.uk/news/?NewsID=4912
It seems ok if you are Hindu and outside India, our Governor Jindal changed from Hindu to Catholic as a youth. But in India it may be more problematic, especially in rural or small town areas.
If they are Catholic, be glad it's the 21st century and not the 16th; but, you should be ok.
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"On January 1, 2008, a Muslim father killed his own daughters in Irving, Texas in an honor killing. On January 26, 2009, Chaudry Rashid, a Pakistani-born Muslim, killed his own daughter in Georgia because she wanted to leave a marriage arranged by her family. According to estimates by the United Nations Population Fund, there may be up to 5,000 female victims of honour killings annually." In conservative Islamic countries such as Afganistan and northern Nigeria the sharia law demands the death sentence for leaving Islam, although the civil courts have so far prevented executions. In Saudi Arabia or Malaysia you can't even try.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/03/muslim.convert/index.html
http://www.religiousintelligence.co.uk/news/?NewsID=4912
It seems ok if you are Hindu and outside India, our Governor Jindal changed from Hindu to Catholic as a youth. But in India it may be more problematic, especially in rural or small town areas.
If they are Catholic, be glad it's the 21st century and not the 16th; but, you should be ok.
October 18, 2009 08:46 PM
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Whether you're going to tell them over the phone, in person, or through another family, is entirely up to you and your level of comfort. Starting with the furthest distance you can create between yourself and them is: email/letter. You can write to them explaining why you no longer choose to participate in their religious beliefs and give them some time to process it before speaking to them again. An alternate route is using the phone because you won't have to look them in the eye and reduce your chances of getting too nervous and backing down from telling them, but it's still the words coming from your voice. And lastly, if they are decently understanding, you can sit down with them and let them know your choice. If you are committed to your choice, and religion is important to them, they should know and you should be the one to tell them.
One thing I advise against is having someone else tell them for you. Not only is this extremely impersonal, but will probably hurt their feelings if they aren't hearing it from you.
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One thing I advise against is having someone else tell them for you. Not only is this extremely impersonal, but will probably hurt their feelings if they aren't hearing it from you.
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October 18, 2009 08:59 PM
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How? Carefully!
I would say it depends on what religion your parents belong to and how staunch they are in that religion. It would also depends on what religion you have ultimately chosen to follow.
For some, their religion defines them. It has everything to do with who they are and what they believe. If they are very staunch in their chosen religion, It may be hard for them to accept that you have chosen to go in a different direction. Especially if your chosen path is completely different to theirs and they know nothing about it or have heard bad things about it.
For some, their religion is part of them but it doesn't define them . Some are open to hearing new ideas and beliefs even if they do not follow / believe those things.
I found an article / wiki online that may help you. It is entitled " How to tell your parents you are following a religion they don't approve of". I know your question was simply "What's the best way to tell your parents you no longer belong to their religion?" but I think the points in this article / wiki are good points that can help you.
http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Parents-You-are-Following-a-Religion-They-Don%27t-Approve-of
Hope this helps.
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I would say it depends on what religion your parents belong to and how staunch they are in that religion. It would also depends on what religion you have ultimately chosen to follow.
For some, their religion defines them. It has everything to do with who they are and what they believe. If they are very staunch in their chosen religion, It may be hard for them to accept that you have chosen to go in a different direction. Especially if your chosen path is completely different to theirs and they know nothing about it or have heard bad things about it.
For some, their religion is part of them but it doesn't define them . Some are open to hearing new ideas and beliefs even if they do not follow / believe those things.
I found an article / wiki online that may help you. It is entitled " How to tell your parents you are following a religion they don't approve of". I know your question was simply "What's the best way to tell your parents you no longer belong to their religion?" but I think the points in this article / wiki are good points that can help you.
http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-Your-Parents-You-are-Following-a-Religion-They-Don%27t-Approve-of
Hope this helps.
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October 18, 2009 09:21 PM
http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-Parents-So-They%27ll-Understand Helpful Answer? (0)
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I have previously used the following steps to explain to my parents that I no longer belong to their religion and they should work for you too:
To tell your parents that you no longer belong to their religion, find a time to talk to them when they aren't busy because if they are busy they could get irritated. It is also best to tell them this in person so they know that this is something that you need to talk to them about.
Once you find a time to talk to them when they aren't busy you can tell them "I want to talk to you about something" and they should be willing to listen. You should now tell them what you want to say as briefly and as calmly as possible so that they can see that you do respect their values and beliefs. Keep your voice steady not raised or excited and avoid whining and complaining since you hate hearing it and so do they. Keep the focus of the conversation on what you want and what you feel while being honest but be sure to be understanding at all times. If you respect them they will respect you.
I have also used these steps to explain to other family members that I no longer belong to their religion so the above steps should cause your parents to understand.
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To tell your parents that you no longer belong to their religion, find a time to talk to them when they aren't busy because if they are busy they could get irritated. It is also best to tell them this in person so they know that this is something that you need to talk to them about.
Once you find a time to talk to them when they aren't busy you can tell them "I want to talk to you about something" and they should be willing to listen. You should now tell them what you want to say as briefly and as calmly as possible so that they can see that you do respect their values and beliefs. Keep your voice steady not raised or excited and avoid whining and complaining since you hate hearing it and so do they. Keep the focus of the conversation on what you want and what you feel while being honest but be sure to be understanding at all times. If you respect them they will respect you.
I have also used these steps to explain to other family members that I no longer belong to their religion so the above steps should cause your parents to understand.
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October 18, 2009 11:25 PM
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This is a tough one. So much of childhood is spent in church, learning about the religion, and so on. If you are part of the same general religion (for example, if you are switching from Catholicism to non-denominational) then it will be much easier to tell them. Just be upfront with them about why you are switching.
No matter why you switch, parents may see this as a personal blow and they shouldn't. As you are telling them reassure them that you decided to switch not because you are rejecting them but because you found a belief system that agrees with your values and personality more.
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No matter why you switch, parents may see this as a personal blow and they shouldn't. As you are telling them reassure them that you decided to switch not because you are rejecting them but because you found a belief system that agrees with your values and personality more.
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October 19, 2009 03:31 PM
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It depends upon your parents' religion. Assuming that they are Pastafarians, it might be kindest to drop subtle hints for a while. You could stop saying "Arrrggh matey" and the like on Talk Like a Pirate Day, and you could stop wearing full Pirate regalia on holidays. Perhaps skip the eyepatch one time, and not wear a cutlass the next,etc. When you go out to an Italian restaurant, you could start ordering pizza instead of spaghetti and meatballs. After a while they might notice that something was wrong and ask you about it. Then you might admit your doubts about FSM. But, maybe you shouldn't do it if their is a plank near at hand, or a convenient desert island for marooning. But if your parents are Pastafarians, what are you doing changing religion anyway? 
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