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When does a white lie stop being innocent and become just a lie?
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October 08, 2009 04:10 AM
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A white lie will help people instead of hurting them (or in some cases help them MORE than hurting them). For example, telling your kids that Santa ate those milk and cookies is a good white lie. If they're a little annoyed 10 years later that you ate all those cookies every year, it's worth it. Those white lies brought them years of happiness and enjoyment.
Lying about a surprise birthday party, also worth it.
But as soon as your lying would hurt someone more than it really, honestly helps them, then you've got a mess on your hands. The trick is to be HONEST with yourself about how much you think your "white lie" is really helping. For instance, a lie of omission because "if he knew the truth it would just hurt him too much" is not a white lie. The truth hurts, but in this case the lie hurts more. Make sense?
Bottom line, if it makes your tummy hurt, it's a lie.
If you expend energy wondering if you did the right thing, it's a lie.
If the deceit keeps growing building, it's a lie.
Lying about a surprise birthday party, also worth it.
But as soon as your lying would hurt someone more than it really, honestly helps them, then you've got a mess on your hands. The trick is to be HONEST with yourself about how much you think your "white lie" is really helping. For instance, a lie of omission because "if he knew the truth it would just hurt him too much" is not a white lie. The truth hurts, but in this case the lie hurts more. Make sense?
Bottom line, if it makes your tummy hurt, it's a lie.
If you expend energy wondering if you did the right thing, it's a lie.
If the deceit keeps growing building, it's a lie.
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• Thank you for your answer. You gave a heart warming example too. I know that the nature of the question makes a precise answer possible, but I felt yours touched a practical and real example the best.
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October 08, 2009 01:08 AM
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A lie isn't innocent if you know you're lying. I am fully aware of the need for white lies though. For example, telling people the truth when they ask if they're fat, or whether you like their new haircut. These are polite white lies that are justified.
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October 08, 2009 04:48 AM
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There is no such thing as a lie that is not a lie, or an innocent lie for that matter, a white lie is a lie whether people are too afraid to see the truth or not. Personally I would rather be told the truth upfront than find out later someone was "innocently" trying to save my feelings. The truth has a way of wiggling to the surface in even the smallest of lies, the only innocent path is the truth.
Many people may not view brutal honesty as innocent, but innocent and naive are not the same word in my dictionary.
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Many people may not view brutal honesty as innocent, but innocent and naive are not the same word in my dictionary.
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October 08, 2009 07:37 PM
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I was asked about when is the truth not the best policy.
My answer was "If an axe wielding mad man asked where my family and friends were hiding" I would lie.
I think small lies even if they seem innocent can chip away at someone's trust.
Ex Someone asks do these jeans look good on me, and you say yes when the answer is no it seems like a white lie to protect someone's feelings. It stops being a white lie when that person wears those jeans to a party thinking they look good, or they wear those jeans to look good for you.
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My answer was "If an axe wielding mad man asked where my family and friends were hiding" I would lie.
I think small lies even if they seem innocent can chip away at someone's trust.
Ex Someone asks do these jeans look good on me, and you say yes when the answer is no it seems like a white lie to protect someone's feelings. It stops being a white lie when that person wears those jeans to a party thinking they look good, or they wear those jeans to look good for you.
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