I wasn't even close as far as job, where I live, etc. But as far as having a happy family, enjoying being a father, and having good friends things worked out just like I had hoped. Hopefully that is true of most people.

It turned out much better in terms of the kind of person I became.

I was terrified of growing up to be like the adult males around me when I was a kid, and I knew that around the age of 14 I could expect hormones to happen which would cause pubic and armpit hair to grow, and eventually face hair, and I thought the hormones would be what would turn me into one of those adult monsters, so I used to fret every time I saw indications of armpit or pubic hair, because I thought it would mean the beginning of the end of my humanity.

But... it turned out that all I had to do was stay away from bad influences, and grow up with imaginary adults in my own mind, such that I ended up being much nicer than any of those old guys ever could have known how to be, so I got to become the kind of person I wanted to be, but...

... according to the rates of cultural development in that imaginary world, I would have been in a condo on the moon by now, looking at real estate options on Mars, and investing in terraforming futures for Europa.

The thing I forgot is that all those classmates whom I could hide from and grow up independently in an idealized universe away from did *not* have said notion of an ideal world, and so chose to continue to plod along with the status quo they found around themselves in the real world, such that, as you've probably noticed, not much has really changed in the last few decades.

We *could* have built colonies on the moon, but instead... notice how a punk rocker today is no different from a punk rocker from 1975, and how today's kids' notion of avaunt guard is to go retro with tunes and fashions starting from the 60's and going back...

*sigh*... if only everyone had been like me... (whimper... sob... sniff)... we'd have converted the military-industrial complex into a space-industrial complex, where everyone keeps their uber-high tech jobs which currently can only be found in military research, and there'd be lots of sophisticated astronaut training for the adventurous sort who can now only become soldiers, and instead of missile control systems being the impetus for invention of new technology, it would be mechanisms to survive cosmic rays and for leaching water from Martian soils and for harvesting energy from solar winds...

But something else happened that was very, very different from what I expected. I think it was an ugly duckling effect.

I was the nerdies pencil-necked geek on the planet, but in university the *top two* females on campus ended up competing for my attention. Then after graduation my first job was in a corporate head office, and the *number one* babe that all the guys wanted focused all her attention on me, complicated by the President and CEO's mistress making secret passes, and then I moved to another city, and it happened again...

... and I'm still not sure why. Maybe getting into Track and Field in University had something to do with it... or maybe it was because I didn't to try as hard as everyone else to get their attention, but that goes against the general wisdom which says that the only thing women want if effort... so I honestly don't know... but it's definitely not what I was expecting, and it's never really stopped.

I don't get it, but I'm not complaining.

When I was little, I wanted to be a writer. I wrote all the time. I wrote stories, poems, essays, journals... but my mother told me, "Writing is a hobby. You need a real job."

So I believed her, and just about everyone else who told me something similar.

I wanted to be an efficiency expert, single, dating a few steady men, but nothing serious, power business suit, tall, slender, sexy, sophisticated--maybe living in a big city, no kids.

Then, at 16, I found myself homeless and pregnant.

That'll throw a crimp into plans. Still, I kept my baby (who is now a 22 year old high school honor's student graduate, with two years of college behind her working a 40k a year job while going to school). I have my son, who I homeschool and my two kids that I never thought I'd have are the light of my life and the very best things that ever happened to me.

I did go to college, seeking a degree in psychology and a minor in sociology, teaching certification, and then later, I took and aced the LSATs, got my paralegal certification, worked in criminal justice advocacy, and even attended law school for a couple of years, until I came to my senses.

I've worked in multiple jobs, leaving each one as I'd get bored and moving on to the next challenge, from administrative, to counseling, to career and employment, to my all time favorite--criminal justice advocacy--and the last job I had working for someone else was as a contract negotiator for General Electric.

Then I got sick.

There are things in this life I call PIVOTS... those times when you have to make a sharp and sudden turn in the direction your life is going. Having my daughter was one of those pivots. Getting sick was another one.

Today, I have love and family in my life now, chosen family, the people I decided to make my 'home'.

Now, I work from home. I sit here with my feet up, typing away, and able to make more money doing this than I ever made in the nonprofit or corporate world. My business power suit tonight is a huge oversized long t-shirt with my long, long hair piled up on the top of my head.

I'm a writer. It's not what I do; it's who I am. Fortunately, now I do that for a living too. I didn't listen to 'them' when they said not to keep my daughter. I didn't listen to 'them' when they said I shouldn't have another child while single (my son). Those were the two best things to ever happen to me. I shouldn't have listened to 'them' when they said not to be a writer.

"They" or "Them" don't really know what they're talking about.

So you asked me if my life is what I expected it to be?

Hell no. It's infinitely better than I ever imagined it could be.

What a great question. Thank you for letting me ramble.

I am nothing like what I thought I would be.

See, while most little girls--including my sister--dreamed about their wedding and children, I was a moody little kid who thought I'd be alone forever. Seriously. I thought I'd be a lonely, lonely young woman. I pictured that I'd have a crap job I hated in a big city with a run-down apartment and about 15 cats. Dead serious. This was my plan. Since age 6.

Instead somehow I found someone who would follow me to the ends of the earth and back. And we have an insane toddler together and a nice little house in the country and instead of working for a crappy job I'm a free spirit. I raise my daughter, I do some freelance writing, and I'm working on starting my own craft business. Life is much, much better than I thought it would be.

The only thing I came close to right about was cats. I do have cats. Just 3 of them instead of 15.

At the age of 4, I declared to my mother that I would never get married and never have children. It wasn't so much a desire not to do those things as it seemed to be inevitable in my young mind. I wanted to train and/or study dolphins and unlock the secrets of their communications. I liked sciences and math - in fact I liked school in general. But I was never very good at peer interaction.

As it turns out, I never got married and I never had children. I didn't get to work with dolphins, but I do go swimming with them every opportunity I can manage and still watch with child-like awe them play . I work in the separations sciences - something I find interesting, challenging, and rewarding. I]m better at interacting with my peers and, despite not wanting children, they seem to adore me (and I them so long as I get to give them back to their parents eventually).

My life today is what I have made it. My current manifestation efforts are going toward developing a family of choice... and the universe is providing in ways I could never have imagined or hoped for, well beyond my wildest dreams (and I read R.A. Heinlein, so I can dream big!).

I liked to write when I was young I had notebooks and notebooks full of stories but that's not what I thought I would be. I wanted to be an archaeologist. I could see myself on all these exotic digs finding things that no one had ever seen before. This was before the whole Indiana Jones thing came about so, it was pretty original for a girl to think that way.

I also knew that someday I would have children which, that one came true. I just wish maybe I would have waited a little longer before I started a family.