I would be shock and maybe will cry over it many times but there's still time to avoid him. My world doesn't end with him. I will move on with my life. Anyway, time heals all wounds. I know I could get over it.

You dump him. Seriously fast. I know men who have done this to friends of mine and all have been jerks and were hiding who they really were. If they wait a few weeks to tell you, then fine. But a year? There is no valid reason in my opinion to wait a year to tell someone something that important. And it always makes me wonder... if they are hiding something that important then what else may they be hiding.

Learn to date your best friend (who you know everything about) instead of sleeping with strangers (who you know NOTHING about) hoping to get lucky.

Whoa there. The real question is why you were not told. Assuming the worse and jumping to a conclusion could ruin what could be a long and happy relationship.

Once you know, you need to ask and clear the air. Make your decision how to move forward once you know the truth. For all you know he witnessed his wife being brutally murdered, and the only reason he's been able to move forward with his life is by avoiding anything that reminds him of her. Sure, it's not likely, but I think you would feel pretty terrible about it if you chose to end the relationship without knowing the truth.

If I happen to date a man for a year and found out that he was married before and never told me the first thing that I am going to do is to find the best time and place for us to discuss it. I don't want to be too eager to ask or discuss this so I will try to find a way to somehow brought this up casually in a conversation.

Men mostly don't dwell on their past and they often think it that it doesn't matter much. Women think very differently. In this kind of situation, I man might think that his past is not important and what matters most to him is his present. Sometimes they do this because they don't want to dwell on the past and remember the pain they've been through and just wanted to move on. It is also possible that subconsciously he doesn't want to share his past because he is not sure what my reaction would be if I know that he used to be married.

If we are in too deep with each other and I will be given the slightest chance to bring this up with him without him sensing that it's a big deal.Before anything else, I will reassure him that his past relationships is not important . And as much as possible I want him to be open with me.

This is very important that he will be given this reassurance so he won't feel judged or defensive. I will not let him feel guilty for keeping something like his past marriage. Casually I will just ask him to share with me his past experiences. Maybe he will come to the point of sharing his past marriage with me.

If in spite of this he still won't share that he used to be married. I think I will have to ask him. This is the last option just to satisfy my curiosity. But I won't make a big deal out of it. As long as I know him inside out and I am secure on his love for me it won't matter much.

I do not see an issue here.

If in fact he has been wonderful in EVERY WAY,Why bother getting pissed off about that.

It may have been one of his HUGE mistakes in life getting married before.Why make an issue out of it.Leave it alone if you care for him.

I would without a doubt want to question him as to why it was never brought up before. I am finding it difficult to believe that throughout that years time the subject of his past was never brought up. Talking to someone about their past just seems to be a natural way of getting to know someone.
Thats what I would do I would confront him in a polite way and see what he has to say about it. If you believe in what he is saying then maybe you do not have anything to worry about. However, on the other hand it could mean something not so good.

Confrontation LOL
http://www.flickr.com/photos/34305729@N07/3380431931/

I think it's important enough to know because if he didn't tell you this, what else didn't he tell you?

Did you ask him and he lied? If so, you may want to look elsewhere for a friend.

If the subject simply did not come up, that's normal. Guys don't talk about relationships much, even past marriages, and they aren't likely to volunteer anything about relationships.

Gals usually want to tell their life stories, including everything about their friends, relatives, ex-es etc. It irritates guys and they usually just tune it out.

An honest guy will answer your questions honestly. But don't expect any extra info.

A woman should know things like that at the onset of the relationship. If he doesn't talk about it, then it's a direct question. If he was asked and denied it, then he is a liar and she should abandon ship quickly. Sometimes men will hide their previous marital status because they are worried about what the new woman will think of the ex-wife. Is the ex-wife notorious or someone she knows? Is she someone that the new woman would take pause and make a face about with knotted eyebrows? Make her re-evaluate the relationship? What type of man would marry that woman? Can the ex-wife tell bad things on the new guy? Is he hiding something that only his ex-wife knows and wouldn't want her telling the new woman?

So there's a reason for his not telling her that he was married before. It is important enough to be entitled to and know the truth.

Try to think about it from HIS P.O.V. Could it be that there's no evil reasons for him not telling you, is it concievable that his motives for not saying anything are deeply personal to him. Maybe HE was mistreated (yes ladies spousal abuse CAN go the other way) Maybe he bears internal scars he simply does not want reopened for any reason for fear that what spills forth from them might damage what he has with you. And ( i know this'll be ahard one to deal with) maybe his past is HIS business and not yours. if he wants to broach the subject, he will

Women are renowned for talking about their problems, emotions are something to be embraced and looked at.

For men however, emotions are somthing to be controled lest they conroll US! Loosing that control is viewed as a sign of weakeness by us and all this wishy washy "in touch with your feelings" stuff aside,we NEED that controll. we have our reasons for things we do. such as leaving the past in the past so it donse'nt screw up our future.

I was engaged before i met MY wonderfull wife. and it's not a subject i care to discuss in detail save that fact she did alot of damage to me that it took a LOONG time to get over. The scars are still there and may never go away. Not something I want creeping in and wrecking what I have now...so i leave it dead and buried!!!

Let sleeping dogs lie.

It is very difficult to determine the future course of your relationship at this point. Until you find a little more information, you really cannot make and informed decision about this man's character. First, you should spend some time thinking about the possible reasons that he did not tell you earlier. There are many perfectly reasonable reasons why he might not share this information. For example:

1. Perhaps he feels persecuted as he has learned that this marriage is no longer legal in the state of Maine.

2. He may have been as shocked as everyone else to discover that the guy in the leopard suit was actually an ordained minister and yes, it was all for real.

3. The marriage ceremony may have been held in a Schroedingers Box, in which case his marital status may have been an undetermined quantum state. Your inquiries into his past may have been the observation which collapsed the quantum state, allowing him to discover that he was indeed married. Incidentally, this indeterminate state may also explain the failure of the previous marriage.

4. The details of the previous marriage may be too painful for him to think about. These details may include the act of murdering her, the painful trial, the long years in prison, and the suspense waiting to see if well placed bribes would result in clemency and freedom. You should consider if it is right (or wise) to bring these emotional memories back.

5. His marriage may have been a state secret. He might have told you immediately upon the declassification of this information.

6. Your life with him may be so blissful that someday he goes back in time to arrange the marriage of his younger self to YOU in the past, so he can spend more of his life with you. The early marriage, however, proves to be a disaster (you were rather young and selfish) and so he realizes his mistake, ends the marriage, and erases your memory to spare you the painful memories.

7. He's very sensitive to your needs and so he has waited the year until he saw the signs that you are ready for this information. In another year, after the two of you are married, and you are ready for another surprise, he'll let you know that the first marriage was never terminated.

See, don't you feel better?

The real question is why are you asking the opinion of people who are complete strangers to you rather than going right to the source. Have you been transparent with him as well? The more secrets couples have from each other the more it damages their trust in one another. Go to him and talk about it. There is so much that we as strangers do not know about your relationship. How did you happen on this information? Do you believe him to be a man of integrity? How does he treat you? How do you treat him? If he finds out you discovered this about him and, instead of talking to him, went to a website and asked strangers what to do, what will he think?

Silverhamm, seriously, STFU. Obviously when the poster says "you" she is talking about herself in this context. If you can't understand that, too bad, most other people can, including Albanian. Your entire point about "dating your best friend" is also off the mark. That's OK, you tried and I'm sure marisaupa appreciates your trying, but your advice isn't going to help her. That's OK. Just stop defending an untenable position and move on. This is the key to progress.