This is tough, I have been through it with my dad, after my mom died. I could write an entire book on this subject. At the end of my dad's life, he had been in assisted living for 2 years, then he was in hospice care for 10 days before he died. My husband and I lived about 3 hours away at that point, so the assisted living facility gave us a room in the center. Basically we moved into the assisted living center for 10 days. It was eye opening. I feel sure it was one of the best facilities anywhere in the area. (My sister and I had visited 27 different centers in the search for an acceptable place for my dad). There was nothing "wrong" with the center, the care was great, it was always clean and the staff seemed to care, but the "walls closed in" so quickly, it was so boring, and really different seeing the true inside of an assisted living center. (to give you some idea: Musak 24/7, hot water got only warm, never enough towels, those with impaired memory couldn't find there own rooms without help, food was not always great, it was possible to be lonely, even when never really alone...)
Here are some of the things I learned during this 2 year period and especially the 10 days at the end of his life.
*Be sure he has a calender that he can see and read, Mark all doctor's appointments on it, and anything else that he needs to know. Mark visits that you are planning and will be making.
*Always be there when he is expecting a visit If it is an absolute emergency then call him and call the staff to let them know you aren't going to be there at the expected time.
*Plan for someone to take him out for at least an hour at least every week, 2-3 times a week would be better, even if it is just a drive around the town.
* Be sure to bring the things he really wants, and be sure to ask him at the right moment. There were things like certain pictures that my sister and I thought my dad would want, but they didn't really matter to him. But there was a clock he wanted to have and we had no idea he was attached to it. A short while after moving my dad asked, "where is my clock?" and I had to ask "which clock?" I was so glad that we still had it, since we had already had an estate sale. It had roses on it, and he did not care for flowers at all, so it never occurred to us that he would want it. Later, as we thought about it, we realized that since it matched my mother's dishes and she had loved that clock, it made sense that it would be very important to him as a transition object.
*Chose your facility with utmost care, and don't be afraid to move him, if it just doesn't work out. This may vary from state to state, but in my state, Texas, there are centers that are assisted level A, centers that are assisted level B, and skilled nursing homes (often referred to as rehab centers now).
We had no idea that Assisted living level A meant, that no matter what, they would not check on him at all after a certain hour in the evening. It sounds crazy, but when my dad fell and hit his head after dinner one evening, they knew he fell, and called us and said that the home health nurse happened to be there, she had covered it with a bandage, and that he appeared to be ok. My brother-in-law went to visit him at breakfast the next day, he was still asleep and his head was bleeding, in fact it had soaked through not only the bandage, but the pillowcase, sheets and mattress. No one had checked on him all night. We were so upset, we moved him that day, of course after we got him to a doctor. He should have had stitches, but it was too late for stitches. Luckily he did recover from this incident. We told the center that we would sue them if they did not let us out of our lease. That was when we learned of the existence of level B assisted living. In level B they will help him evacuate in an emergency, and will check on him around the clock, you may have to request it specifically and you may have to pay extra, but they will check.
As I said I could write an entire book, please feel free to ask me direct questions, if you wish.