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If your roommate constantly borrows your household products instead of buying their own, is hiding them too passive aggressive?

Let's say laundry detergent, dish soap, shampoo, etc. Are some more okay to borrow than others? What would you do?
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omicron
omicron
October 13, 2009 01:08 AM
Hmm... well... hiding the stuff is the same as saying, "Keep your hands off", so if it was me, I'd get a separate medicine cabinet with a lock on it, in order for it to be clear what the issue is.

Hiding the stuff just turns it into a game of hide and seek.
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cmajaski
cmajaski
October 13, 2009 01:08 AM
Borrowing a little bit is okay (dish soap and detergent). Asking first is always nice. It also depends on whether you borrow things from your roommate as well. Or if they offer to get the next bottle.

Either say something or just allow it. Next time just make a comment like, "hey are you going to get the next bottle of shampoo?" or ask them to pick one up on the way home or something. Hiding these items would end up being a bigger hassle for you, ie retrieving the dish soap when you want to wash dishes, then remembering to hide it again. Besides, the roommate is going to figure out that you're hiding these things eventually and will probably end up thinking you're a little strange. Granted, they'd get the hint. But if it were me, I'd wonder why you just didn't say something.
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lidyax2
lidyax2
October 13, 2009 01:18 AM
My friend is roomate with her (and our headmaster) who is inconsiderate. She doesnt even ask permission to use someone else' equipments and doesnt clean them up afterwards. The best thing to do is to hide it. Yes, it's passive aggresive, but she's her headmaster. Yeah.. terrible situation, I know.
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ssmacd
ssmacd
October 13, 2009 01:38 AM
Laundry detergent and dish soap might be viewed as communal items, but shampoo should be personal. Rather than hide them , I'd have a conversation with your roommate about who buys what. If you nee to resort to hiding your things, its time to look for a new living situation.
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drivel
drivel
October 13, 2009 01:40 AM
It does not make sense to have a roommate if the two of you are not willing to share. If the two of you are not willing to share household products, I would recommend you split up and find your own places.

Here's my solution: the two of you go shopping for household products together, you each pay half for them, and either of you can use the house's (not individual's) household products as they see fit. Don't worry if someone is using more household products than someone else, it is not important.
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keepontryi...
keepontryi...
October 13, 2009 01:55 AM
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3214/3117090868_a45c0a58a5.jpg

Ok, I just have to say this.

First I would tell them not to use my stuff, then I would make sure my stuff was labeled in big black letters and set aside from all the other stuff. Next, I would add a little hair color in with the shampoo, a little bleach in with the laundry detergent, and so on.

I don't count on being life long friends with any of my roommates, as you can guess, but by god they will learn that lesson about using my stuff when I asked them not to.
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unwirklich
unwirklich
October 13, 2009 02:44 AM
LMAO I so had my hair that color once, very nice shade. I can say adding henna dye to someones shampoo is not nice thought hilarious. That hair dye lasts sometimes longer than 6 months and.. it stains everything it touches. I remember my son fell asleep on my chest when my hair was this color and his sweat reacted with the fresh dye. He had purple stripes on his face for 3 days.
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unwirklich
unwirklich
October 13, 2009 02:49 AM
I never found the indirect route very effective. Once upon a time I was infamous, for notes. One they amused me, two a well worded missive usually works. However after awhile people became so used to seeing my brand of passive aggressive that they ignored them. I ended up becoming more and more annoyed until in a brilliant display of Sagittarian fury I literally sent a few of my room mates into tears.

The lesson here?

I ended up hurting people I called my friends feelings rather badly simply because I allowed my anger to build rather than communication to flourish. When it comes to roommates a "house meeting" is a better idea. Simply let them know your annoyed, and I'd include some reminder as to what those items cost. The price of shampoo and laundry soap is ridiculous these days. If they can't respect you and your feelings it's time to fine new roommates. You shouldn't have to hide or lock up things in your own home.
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redgold
redgold
October 13, 2009 04:32 AM
I do think that simply hiding things you don't want to share is passive aggressive. If your roommate is using your stuff without contributing to the cost or being willing to trade off in buying household products, then you need to have a frank talk with him or her. Either you both need to decide to pay for your own supplies and then only use the things you buy, or you come to an equitable agreement about how to split the costs and stick to it. If you start just hiding things, your roommate is certainly going to notice, and respond with hurt or anger. When this comes up against your own anger and/or hurt feelings, you can end up with bigger problems than a few extra dollars spent on dish soap and laundry detergent.
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catt969
catt969
October 13, 2009 01:48 PM
It seems to me that if you are both using the same products then you can go in halves on them. There is nothing nasty about using the same shampoo or dish soap. You will both save money. If your roommate is paying you the rent then add these costs to it. then there is no harm no foul.
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bluuuu
bluuuu
October 19, 2009 10:29 AM
I have tried it all. I found since you are living with the person, and both of you should feel comfortable in your home, you should talk about it rather than secretly hiding it. Hiding it is awkward and uncomfortable and after hiding it for so long, the conversation is going to come up anyway.
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