Just let it go. You recognize that she does this repeatedly so you shouldn't let it spoil your holidays and you definitely should not bend over backwards for her. She knows who she wants to spend her time with and sadly she seems to be making the wrong decisions. Holidays are about family so enjoy the family you get to see and let go of the resentment towards your sister. My guess is that someday she will realize what she has been doing and feel bad about missing out on the time you could have had together.

I think you should let it go because if you get angry it will only hurt you. She clearly does not care. I wouldn't invite her to any gatherings and not expect her to show for anything.

I hope that you are close enough to your sister that you can ASK "why" she bails out of holiday gatherings. Share time together prior to the holidays and LISTEN to her with an open mind and friendly heart, Perhaps you will develop a new UNDERSTANDING of her situation and feelings in the matter.

She is your sister and that is a strong bond of love! Forgive her shortcomings and count her as a blessing. Don't hold grudges or anger. It's not healthy and certainly not worth it. Love one another -especially your sister!

I think everyone has a family member like this and it's usually best to just leave them alone and not expect anything from them. In fact, I may have been like that at one time if I remember correctly. This is something that we usually outgrow especially when we figure out how important family is.

No, it isn't worth being angry with her. This will probably create more distance and problems. Being angry only upsets yourself and causes yourself anxiety and unhappiness. Maybe just stop expecting her to attend that way if she does, you'll be pleasantly surprised and if she doesn't...well you weren't expecting her to in the first place. Less of a letdown.

Regardless of her age, know that she will outgrow it. Eventually we all figure out that our family members are the only ones that will always unconditionally be there for us. When the "friends" and boyfriends are long gone, they're still there...and make sure you are.

Why get angry?

It sounds like if she did show up, she'd just be a drag.

No, why get angry. She has the right to make her own decisions about her plans. I will be spending the holidays with my family this year for the first time in ten years.

People have their reasons, which might not be the ones that they tell you, or the ones that you assume.

You're convinced she'd be made welcome and have a good time. Maybe that's not her expectation at all. For all you know her expectation is that she'd be viewed judgementally, treated as immature, asked awkward questions about her career or her private life that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about, and is expecting nothing but family arguments.

The only thing that you can be sure of in this situation is that based on what you've said, you yourself are being judgemental. And that doesn't make you an appealing person for her to want to hang out with.

If you really want her around, your best move is most likely to apologise for anything that she might be upset about, which could well include you or others being nosy, judgemental or "big sisterish". And then let her know how much you want to see her and that you'll do everything to make her feel welcome and have a good time.

As for her sometimes pulling out at the last minute, she may be geuninely torn about what to do until the last minute, or she may have decided in advance that she'll be doing something else, but lack the courage to face the disapproval until it can't be put off any longer.

All in all the more of a soap opera you make of her coming or not, the less it's a happy family occasion for her, and it'll only either become an unpleasant duty to be put up with, or all the more reason to avoid being there.