I've been both personally due to immaturity on my part. Smothering was the one that lost me the friendship. Neglect can be mended but being overbearing can not.

I've experienced both types of friends. A smothering friend gets very annoying very quick. A neglectful friend may just be too busy to keep up with all their friends' drama. Depending on the age group, depends on which is worse.

For teenagers, I'd say a neglectful friend is worse because then they are almost purposefully trying to neglect you. Most of the time teenagers are glued to their friends or their phones and they don't really want to be left alone.

For adults, I'd say a smothering friend is worse because they would just be perceived as pathetic, terribly needy and annoying. As an adult, with any luck you have your own life going on and most people have families that they are either starting, in the middle of raising or are almost done raising. Not to mention, work and household responsibilities. Constantly being called or relied upon by a smothering friend just adds one more stress to your day.

I'd personally rather have a "over bearing" friend then a neglecting one.
As a kid I had a wonderful neighbor who lived directly in back of me, his father used to abuse him and his sister.
He would always be around me whenever he could be. At the time I never really understood why. (Until a few years ago)
His dad has changed since, but he grew up in a different environment than me. And we grew apart.

Keeping a good friends friendship is worth more than anything this planet has to offer.

Kind Regards,
@XDS

I would prefer a neglectful friend over a smothering friend always. In fact, I won't even be friends with anyone that smothers me, it's just not something I can handle in any kind of relationship.

As far as friends go, I don't expect anything from them and I hope they don't expect much from me, except coffee, shopping or hanging out once in a while. Neglectful to me means they have their own lives to tend to just as I do.

The best thing would be to have a well rounded friend who is there for you and also has their own life to live. But when it comes to deciding whether you would rather have a neglectful friend or a smothering friend, it depends on how much you need the friend to be around. If you want someone you can count on then you may want to opt for a smothering friend- you will find ways to get some alone time. With a neglectful friend they may fail to be there when you REALLY need them to be. So in my opinion neglectful is worse.

Well I've had both and probably been both as well.

So, I would say, a neglectful friend is not an option --> for instance, a friend of mine becomes neglectful when she mets a new man and starts a relationship. For months, you don't get even a phone call or can't call her as she never has time even to say hello - if you call her, she will reply "I'll call you later" or "I can't talk to you as I'm doing... hm... you know what I mean". Nice from a friend, eh!

So, I experienced the problem with her twice and each time the man finally went away, leaving her alone and then she suddenly reappeared in our lives. She did it back in June once again. I don't accept to get in touch with her any more as I'm fed up with such an attitude. And whenever she becomes single once again, I won't mind. Enough is enough. When you're 40 you're not young enough to play that kind of game.

On the other hand, a smothering friend can become annoying very quickly. I also had a friend who used to come home each and every day, always talking about her and her problems, never even thinking that I might have problems myself, especially since I'm a single mother. I don't like to talk about my problems because I've already been a smothering friend - for a few months and after a hard break up with the man of my life - the very same friend told me that I was annoying.

So what to do? Well, let them come to you or not. Be there but not as much as they would like and certainly not HOW they want!

I'm a faithful friend but not an idiot... and I don't think you do.

A neglectful friend. I say that becuz they care more.

First, I am rather strict in my definition of a friend. People who behave in the extremes of neglectful or smothering and refuse to adjust their approach to a relationship aren't true friends, in my opinion. In that sense, both are equally annoying in their unacceptable behaviors.

One example would be a person I first met back in junior high school. We were close friends for a couple of years, but after that I only had minimal contact with her off and on over the years up until the time I finished college and moved away from the state in which she lives. Even when we lived quite near each other, she was neglectful to the point of not keeping a promise to show up at a very important funeral; in fact, she couldn't even be bothered to send a sympathy card or anything. She would let years pass without a word, and reappear by bothering my relatives in order to get my phone number or address. Then it would turn out that she didn't really care so much about reaching out to me. What she'd want would be a free place to stay for a few weeks, or some other thing to benefit herself, which of course would have felt extremely awkward and overbearing to me, so I didn't put up with it. It's sad when some people seem to only know how to be at one extreme or the other.

Beyond that, one of the quickest ways anyone can drive me away or tick me off is to assume that a friendship with me entitles a person to constantly give unsolicited advice, attempt to boss me around, tell me what I "should" or "ought to" do, or attempt to set goals for me as though I am a child.

Ultimately, I believe that in order to be a true friend it is important to be able to respect another person's boundaries and also to understand that effort needs to come from both people. If one person has to do all the work to keep in touch or struggle to get appropriate time and space, it is not going to grow or be a successful, fulfilling, lasting friendship at all.

Both approaches to friendship are actually friendship killers.