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November 02, 2009 05:36 AM
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I agree with Omicron, but would like to add that I consider my word my integrety. I have several personal standards that I try to live my life by, some of which come into mind in this dillema.
1. Help other people when at all possible.
2. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
3. Try to protect the feelings of others, but always tell someone the truth over protecting their feelings.
So I suppose in this situation, I would want to help out my friend by giving them a reference, but if I did not believe the things I was writing down for them I would have to decline.
I suppose worst case scenario, I would write them a letter of reference, but only referencing things about them that I truely believed were great. Play up their good points without lying.
1. Help other people when at all possible.
2. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
3. Try to protect the feelings of others, but always tell someone the truth over protecting their feelings.
So I suppose in this situation, I would want to help out my friend by giving them a reference, but if I did not believe the things I was writing down for them I would have to decline.
I suppose worst case scenario, I would write them a letter of reference, but only referencing things about them that I truely believed were great. Play up their good points without lying.
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November 02, 2009 04:14 AM
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No... and I'll tell you why... Two reasons:
1) There was a time when I wrote a letter like that for a friend, who got the job, and then flubbed it. About two years later I met the employer at a meet-and-greet business social, and somehow during the coffee and donuts break the conversation got around to that person I'd recommended, and they realized I had done the recommendations, and I got stuck in a dilemma of trying to decide if I should tell the fellow that I had fudged the recommendations, which would destroy the value of my word with that guy, or if I should make him think I really believed what I'd said, in which case he would think I was dumb.
It made for a no-win situation where my word got trashed, and it still didn't help the long-term career of the person I'd recommended.
2) One time I hired someone who came with excellent references, and after about two weeks I realized the guy was an idiot, and that there was *no way* that whoever wrote the references could have known what they were talking about, or be trusted, and so they got added to my personal secret black-list note-book on who to not trust, and why... and although it never came up that I had a reason to do business with them, if it had come up, then I would not have dealt with them, because I would feel like I couldn't believe anything they said.
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1) There was a time when I wrote a letter like that for a friend, who got the job, and then flubbed it. About two years later I met the employer at a meet-and-greet business social, and somehow during the coffee and donuts break the conversation got around to that person I'd recommended, and they realized I had done the recommendations, and I got stuck in a dilemma of trying to decide if I should tell the fellow that I had fudged the recommendations, which would destroy the value of my word with that guy, or if I should make him think I really believed what I'd said, in which case he would think I was dumb.
It made for a no-win situation where my word got trashed, and it still didn't help the long-term career of the person I'd recommended.
2) One time I hired someone who came with excellent references, and after about two weeks I realized the guy was an idiot, and that there was *no way* that whoever wrote the references could have known what they were talking about, or be trusted, and so they got added to my personal secret black-list note-book on who to not trust, and why... and although it never came up that I had a reason to do business with them, if it had come up, then I would not have dealt with them, because I would feel like I couldn't believe anything they said.
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