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How would you feel if you were pregnant and found out you were carrying a baby with Down's Syndrome?
Would you be anxious, disappointed, happy, worried? Or you would see it as a gift or joyful challenge? How could having a child with Down's Syndrome positively impact your life?
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November 01, 2009 11:41 PM
http://homepage.eircom.net/~moylanfamily/Holland.html
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When I had a special needs child, I had no clue because there was no test to determine in advance, what he had. What would I have done has become severely clouded by having a special needs child of my own.
I would hate to think that I would have terminated if I knew in advance, but chances are I might have. I UNDERSTAND the poster above who said that they wouldn't bring a child into this world unfairly. (I don't agree, but understand) Given the issues that he has, and the struggles we have had, it's sad to think of what his future might be like.
Now, of course, I love him to tears and wouldn't change him for the world, and knowing what I know now, and thinking that I might have terminated then is somewhat heartbreaking for me. Watching him go through the school system, being way delayed behind his peers and watching him get teased, and taunted and hurt - would you ever really want to allow a child to suffer like that?
So, I didn't know in advance, and what I have is this wonderful child who's personality shines and as he grows older, I watch as many typical kids have accepted him. (Not in his age range, but older ones) and I'm happy for that. As always you are scared and wonder what the future holds for him.
Having said that, I would like to share a writing with you all from a woman who tries to describe what it's like to raise a special needs child and I agree with every word of it.
From the link below:
http://homepage.eircom.net/~moylanfamily/Holland.html
THE BEAUTY OF HOLLAND
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful vacation plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very, very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?", you say." What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy. "
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.'
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
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I would hate to think that I would have terminated if I knew in advance, but chances are I might have. I UNDERSTAND the poster above who said that they wouldn't bring a child into this world unfairly. (I don't agree, but understand) Given the issues that he has, and the struggles we have had, it's sad to think of what his future might be like.
Now, of course, I love him to tears and wouldn't change him for the world, and knowing what I know now, and thinking that I might have terminated then is somewhat heartbreaking for me. Watching him go through the school system, being way delayed behind his peers and watching him get teased, and taunted and hurt - would you ever really want to allow a child to suffer like that?
So, I didn't know in advance, and what I have is this wonderful child who's personality shines and as he grows older, I watch as many typical kids have accepted him. (Not in his age range, but older ones) and I'm happy for that. As always you are scared and wonder what the future holds for him.
Having said that, I would like to share a writing with you all from a woman who tries to describe what it's like to raise a special needs child and I agree with every word of it.
From the link below:
http://homepage.eircom.net/~moylanfamily/Holland.html
THE BEAUTY OF HOLLAND
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful vacation plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very, very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?", you say." What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy. "
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.'
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
http://homepage.eircom.net/~moylanfamily/Holland.html
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October 30, 2009 12:03 AM
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I would be devastated, because I would be forced to terminate.
I swore along time ago I would not bring a child into this world unfairly. As my ancestors did genetic deformity should not be allowed into life because its cruel to the child and bad for the genetic pool.
As heartless as that sounds, that would be my action.
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I swore along time ago I would not bring a child into this world unfairly. As my ancestors did genetic deformity should not be allowed into life because its cruel to the child and bad for the genetic pool.
As heartless as that sounds, that would be my action.
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November 02, 2009 11:53 PM
It's a shame this was marked as unhelpful considering you have been asked for your opinion. Although others might not agree, decided to do something based on keeping our gene pool healthy is not as selfish or heartless as it might sound, but these days its politically correct not to say so. So good on you for giving your opinion and I have marked this as helpful to show you. There wouldn't be as much 'emotion' to your decision as others here say, you've already made the decision regardless of how you feel, well that's how I've taken this answer.
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October 30, 2009 01:26 AM
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I think things happen for a reason. I couldn't carry a child. It was devastating. Then I adopted a daughter and also have a stepson. That was the reason I didn't understand when I was trying to have a child.
Personally no, I could not terminate the baby because they are not exactly what I planned for in a child. But then again how many children are exactly what you envisioned in your head when you decided to have children?
Kid's with Down's syndrome are often known to be loving, open and very giving, something we could all learn from. They are a different kind of joy and challenge to raise and love but still a child worth having.
I never was in the place in my life where I had to make a decision like that, but Downe's Syndrome is not the end of the world. It is just a different one than the norm. Many people with Down's Syndrome are functional, contributing members of society.
I am sure I would have concerns and worries but I would have planned accordingly and tried to adapt well to the challenges.
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Personally no, I could not terminate the baby because they are not exactly what I planned for in a child. But then again how many children are exactly what you envisioned in your head when you decided to have children?
Kid's with Down's syndrome are often known to be loving, open and very giving, something we could all learn from. They are a different kind of joy and challenge to raise and love but still a child worth having.
I never was in the place in my life where I had to make a decision like that, but Downe's Syndrome is not the end of the world. It is just a different one than the norm. Many people with Down's Syndrome are functional, contributing members of society.
I am sure I would have concerns and worries but I would have planned accordingly and tried to adapt well to the challenges.
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October 30, 2009 01:27 AM
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I had a son with Downs Syndrome, unfortunately he did not make it past 5 days old. The reason I kept him was because my Aunt has Downs Syndrome. She was born during a time that it was common to put them in institutions but my Grandma kept her anyway and told the state where to stick it.
My Aunt now holds a job, lives in an assisted living home, manages the bus system by herself, cooks, cleans, cares for herself and even has trophies for ice skating. Downs Syndrome isn't the "death sentence" it was decades ago and many people with it can live productive, mostly independent lives.
It's not really fair to assume that they will be vegetables or a burden simply because they have a limited mental capacity. They can actually do a lot more than people think.
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My Aunt now holds a job, lives in an assisted living home, manages the bus system by herself, cooks, cleans, cares for herself and even has trophies for ice skating. Downs Syndrome isn't the "death sentence" it was decades ago and many people with it can live productive, mostly independent lives.
It's not really fair to assume that they will be vegetables or a burden simply because they have a limited mental capacity. They can actually do a lot more than people think.
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October 30, 2009 10:49 AM
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If I will be informed by my doctor that my baby will be born with Down's Syndrome, first I would be shocked. And maybe ask myself why. Then I will pray for God's guidance to help me continue to have this baby. Although I know it would be difficult to have a special child but I know that she is going to need me more than ever.
I will read books about Down's Syndrome to make me more knowledgeable about it. I know that there is not much that I can do to avoid this but at least I am armed with knowledge on how to handle this. I will make sure that my husband and I agree to having this baby and I will ask for his support on this because it would be difficult to handle this alone.
I will also join forums and organization and keep in touch with other people who have the same experience with me. I think they are a great help for they have the firsthand experience in dealing with this type of child. And their thoughts and feelings will also give me strength to be able to overcome any difficulties I might encounter. And as a couple we will seek professional advice from doctors who have dealt with this child so that we will do the right thing.
After doing this then I think that when I gave birth I am ready to have the baby and welcome her into this world. She may not be a normal child but she is called a special child because she possesses special qualities no ordinary child has. And with God's help and blessing she will grow up knowing that her parents love her so much no matter what.
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I will read books about Down's Syndrome to make me more knowledgeable about it. I know that there is not much that I can do to avoid this but at least I am armed with knowledge on how to handle this. I will make sure that my husband and I agree to having this baby and I will ask for his support on this because it would be difficult to handle this alone.
I will also join forums and organization and keep in touch with other people who have the same experience with me. I think they are a great help for they have the firsthand experience in dealing with this type of child. And their thoughts and feelings will also give me strength to be able to overcome any difficulties I might encounter. And as a couple we will seek professional advice from doctors who have dealt with this child so that we will do the right thing.
After doing this then I think that when I gave birth I am ready to have the baby and welcome her into this world. She may not be a normal child but she is called a special child because she possesses special qualities no ordinary child has. And with God's help and blessing she will grow up knowing that her parents love her so much no matter what.
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October 30, 2009 08:35 PM
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If I found out that my child was going to be born with Down's syndrome, I would feel all of those things. I would be nervous that the challenge would mean medical issues, disappointment (honestly), worry that I won't be able to deal with it, elated that I was expecting, honored that I would be presented with that challenge in my life, and thankful that it wasn't a fatal problem. I think there would be a definite mourning process. But I would be thrilled just to be having a child.
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November 03, 2009 05:13 PM
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If I had a down's baby, they would get all the love in the world. I would not treat a differently-abled child any different then my other children. Yes I would feel sad to get the news, but I would also feel blessed.
I would feel blessed because their is no greater love than a child, no matter what types of abilities they have. That's your flesh and blood there, and to deny them is to deny a part of yourself.
Yes it would be a challenge to raise him, but what child does not challenge you? from the minute a child begins walking and talking they challenge you, and my teens still do it on a daily basis.
I found out my third baby was different after his birth, its not down's but I could not image aborting him just because I could not deal with it. I was crushed when I got the news of my son's condition but after talking with other parents who has a special needs child I felt so much better.
A friend told me long ago (almost 18 yrs) when we learned of my sons disabilities that 'God only gives special needs children to special people.' I am glad God considers me a special person.
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I would feel blessed because their is no greater love than a child, no matter what types of abilities they have. That's your flesh and blood there, and to deny them is to deny a part of yourself.
Yes it would be a challenge to raise him, but what child does not challenge you? from the minute a child begins walking and talking they challenge you, and my teens still do it on a daily basis.
I found out my third baby was different after his birth, its not down's but I could not image aborting him just because I could not deal with it. I was crushed when I got the news of my son's condition but after talking with other parents who has a special needs child I felt so much better.
A friend told me long ago (almost 18 yrs) when we learned of my sons disabilities that 'God only gives special needs children to special people.' I am glad God considers me a special person.
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The one thing I know now, that I had not known then, has become the best gift to our small family. It's just me, and him, and his brother. We have an awesome tight bond. And even if I had the choice to change him genetically, I would not.
He has the biggest personality of anyone I have ever met. He can not be mean, plot, plan, because it's not in his genetics. He doesn't know how to. How could you ever be upset about that? :)