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What would you do if you observed dark bruises on your friends' upper arms that look like grip marks, but she told you she bumped herself?
Would you buy her infamous "I-did-it-to-myself-by-accident" line? Would you try to question her further about her suspicious marks?
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October 24, 2009 03:04 AM
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I'd be slightly concerned, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions right away. I get bruises all the time, and half the time I can't remember what I bumped into them or how I got them in the first place.
That said, I would keep an eye on my friend, and if it keeps happening, I'd get concerned and possibly bring it up, discreetly, with people who know her that I can trust not to say anything. But if I got directly involved, it might make things worse, both for her trusting me and for her partner, if indeed something is going on.
That said, I would keep an eye on my friend, and if it keeps happening, I'd get concerned and possibly bring it up, discreetly, with people who know her that I can trust not to say anything. But if I got directly involved, it might make things worse, both for her trusting me and for her partner, if indeed something is going on.
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October 23, 2009 04:42 AM
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First time, I accept her statement at face value, but I remain vigilant and watch for more bruises or a pattern of "accidents" that didn't exist before.
If it's a one time deal, it might have resulted from a consensual bedroom activity (and I would expect an evasive answer in that case, as well). But a pattern will prompt me to probe deeper, to see how she is feeling about herself (self-confidence, self-esteem), and to see what else is going on in her life.
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If it's a one time deal, it might have resulted from a consensual bedroom activity (and I would expect an evasive answer in that case, as well). But a pattern will prompt me to probe deeper, to see how she is feeling about herself (self-confidence, self-esteem), and to see what else is going on in her life.
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October 23, 2009 05:09 AM
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I would sit her down and tell her that's not what it looks like...How do you manage to bump yourself on both sides...and how does a bump look like a hand? Having been in abusive situations before I wouldn't believe her story. I would offer her my help, but tell her if I see it again, especially if it's worse, I will step in whether she likes it or not.
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October 23, 2009 02:32 PM
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You can think what you want about how she came to get the bruises but keep your thoughts to yourself and don't talk amongst your other friends about it behind her back. Ultimately it is up to her if they are the result of an abuser to tell you the truth and to go to the authorities to report it. She won't appreciate it if you constantly question and badger her with how she got the bruises and why she doesn't report it. Just tell her that you are there for her if she ever needs to talk to someone about something that is bothering her and if she does come forth let her know of some options she has to get away from the abuser safely. But if you constantly question her honesty she is likely to close herself off from you.
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October 24, 2009 03:54 AM
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I would research the common signs of relationship abuse. If my friend showed common symptoms of being abused, though bruises are one that doesn't necessarily mean she is being abused but if there are other common signs then I would definitely confront her.I would sit her down and tell her she can trust me and if she is being abused she needs to end the relationship because it will not stop and I would hate to see her get hurt anymore. If relationship abused was the case I personally would also meet the guy in person and introduce him to couples therapy 101, a metal bat, but I don't recommend it.
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