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You think your husband is infertile but he won't seek medical advice. Would you consider sleeping with another man to get pregnant?
Is infidelity worth a baby? That's the question?
Would the husband deserve this fate if he wasn't prepared to check out the reasons for his infertility?
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Would the husband deserve this fate if he wasn't prepared to check out the reasons for his infertility?
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September 28, 2009 12:43 AM
Personal experience with infertility and dealing with the emotions of it all
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No. In no way would cheating on him to conceive a baby be a reasonable solution.
First, consider that his reasons for not wanting to seek testing or treatment may have to do with not wanting a baby at all. Maybe he's not really ready to be a daddy. And you getting pregnant by someone else. Bad, bad idea.
Second, if you have reached an impasse and find you want different things in life (you, a baby, and he, not a baby), then it is time to end the marriage before you cheat. It is the honorable and brave thing to do. Cheating is an act of cowardice and lying. No one deserves that.
Third, before you even get close to thinking about cheating, consider talking to him about why he won't seek treatment. If he really, really wants a kid, then maybe he just needs some assurances about the medical procedures. A therapist may even be able to help. Or your infertility doctor.
Leave no stone unturned before ending the marriage. EXCEPT the cheating stone. Leave it right where it is. Be a better person than that.
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First, consider that his reasons for not wanting to seek testing or treatment may have to do with not wanting a baby at all. Maybe he's not really ready to be a daddy. And you getting pregnant by someone else. Bad, bad idea.
Second, if you have reached an impasse and find you want different things in life (you, a baby, and he, not a baby), then it is time to end the marriage before you cheat. It is the honorable and brave thing to do. Cheating is an act of cowardice and lying. No one deserves that.
Third, before you even get close to thinking about cheating, consider talking to him about why he won't seek treatment. If he really, really wants a kid, then maybe he just needs some assurances about the medical procedures. A therapist may even be able to help. Or your infertility doctor.
Leave no stone unturned before ending the marriage. EXCEPT the cheating stone. Leave it right where it is. Be a better person than that.
Personal experience with infertility and dealing with the emotions of it all
| Asker's Rating: |
• Superb answer really, the ones from personal experience often are.
I'm thrilled that a question I asked enabled somebody to write an answer worthy of answer of the day.
Well done @gno, it is of no surprise to me you've won this, the answer is great.
I agree that no matter what the heartache you can't go behind your partner's back like the question asks.
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September 27, 2009 07:08 PM
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Maybe if he's aware of that fate. Not sure how happy he'd be with that kind of ultimatum. Either get medical advice or I'm sleeping with another guy.
Probably should discuss it with the husband. Using someone else's sperm wouldn't exactly be infidelity and the husband may be okay with that route..but having sex with another man with the hope of getting pregnant by someone else is not a good idea. How would a person guarantee a pregnancy from someone else anyway?
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Probably should discuss it with the husband. Using someone else's sperm wouldn't exactly be infidelity and the husband may be okay with that route..but having sex with another man with the hope of getting pregnant by someone else is not a good idea. How would a person guarantee a pregnancy from someone else anyway?
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September 27, 2009 07:15 PM
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If having a child is so important that this would even be a consideration, it is better to leave him then to cheat on him.
A spouse has a reasonable expectation of fidelity in a relationship. If someone can not keep up that agreement, every effort should be made to end the agreement rather then breaking it.
I suspect that if someone said to their husband, "I feel so strongly about this I considered cheating", he would give the green light, get checked out, or get a divorce. In any of those cases the problem is solved and it is better than cheating.
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A spouse has a reasonable expectation of fidelity in a relationship. If someone can not keep up that agreement, every effort should be made to end the agreement rather then breaking it.
I suspect that if someone said to their husband, "I feel so strongly about this I considered cheating", he would give the green light, get checked out, or get a divorce. In any of those cases the problem is solved and it is better than cheating.
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September 27, 2009 11:48 PM
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Maybe there is a logical answer as to why he doesn't seek medical advice. Maybe he's not sure he's ready for a baby yet or maybe he has fears that the two of you should sit down and talk about. Cheating on a spouse is never the answer to anything.
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September 28, 2009 12:41 AM
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I have to say it is definitely not okay to be unfaithful to have a baby. On many levels this is just improper, immoral, and just plain wrong. The baby, the father, and the husband are all placed into a situation not of their choosing (I doubt that the man she is being unfaithful with is doing it to have a child). Also, I would hope, this would bother the mother's conscience. This would have an effect for the rest of her life and the child's life.
If having a baby is so important to her, she should check into more appropriate ways to have a child. Reason with her spouse, adoption, IVF, etc., even get divorced and marry someone that can and does want children. There are many more appropriate solutions to this problem then infidelity!
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If having a baby is so important to her, she should check into more appropriate ways to have a child. Reason with her spouse, adoption, IVF, etc., even get divorced and marry someone that can and does want children. There are many more appropriate solutions to this problem then infidelity!
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ghanan2000...
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