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How do you handle a husband who has a prejudice and keep it from influencing your daughter - who's best friend is Mexican?
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October 16, 2009 05:54 PM
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If her best friend is Mexican, her father's prejudice has not yet influenced her. However, if you fear it may change her mind about having friends of other races or nationalities in the future, you will want to sit her down and talk to her.
Depending on her age, you can explain to her that prejudice is wrong, and that it is born out of ignorance. Tell her that her father was probably taught to be prejudiced, because people are not born with hatred in their hearts toward people of other races or nationalities. Tell her that while she may disagree with her father, and she has every right to do so, she should respect him as her father, so if he doesn't want her friend at the house, however wrong that is, that is something you will deal with for her. She should never be put in a position where she has to come head to head with her father on this, as it could adversely affect her respect and love for him.
If her father gets violent about the situation and threatens your daughter or her friend, then you should leave. You should never expose your child to violence in any form, be it from racism or any other cause.
Depending on her age, you can explain to her that prejudice is wrong, and that it is born out of ignorance. Tell her that her father was probably taught to be prejudiced, because people are not born with hatred in their hearts toward people of other races or nationalities. Tell her that while she may disagree with her father, and she has every right to do so, she should respect him as her father, so if he doesn't want her friend at the house, however wrong that is, that is something you will deal with for her. She should never be put in a position where she has to come head to head with her father on this, as it could adversely affect her respect and love for him.
If her father gets violent about the situation and threatens your daughter or her friend, then you should leave. You should never expose your child to violence in any form, be it from racism or any other cause.
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October 17, 2009 12:45 AM
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You're better off talking to your daughter than trying to change your husbands beliefs. I agree with the above answer, mostly. I would teach my children that we are all different and there is nothing wrong with being different. It's just that daddy is just afraid of different. Telling your child that your husband is ignorant and wrong may not be the best decision to make. :P Not inviting the friend over out of respect for the father, brilliant though.
On the note of prejudice being taught, my son from birth would cry in the arms of dark haired/eyed/skinned people. He is now a year old and still displays this prejudice. He likes people who look like him and his parents. (We are both fair haired, fair eyed.) Nobody taught him that. I didn't brain wash him in the womb. It definitely changed my view on how people came to be prejudice. In this case it was inborn and I don't doubt it isn't in other cases as well.You can prefer a certain type of people without being a racist or hateful, or even ignorant. Don't you have a "type"?
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On the note of prejudice being taught, my son from birth would cry in the arms of dark haired/eyed/skinned people. He is now a year old and still displays this prejudice. He likes people who look like him and his parents. (We are both fair haired, fair eyed.) Nobody taught him that. I didn't brain wash him in the womb. It definitely changed my view on how people came to be prejudice. In this case it was inborn and I don't doubt it isn't in other cases as well.You can prefer a certain type of people without being a racist or hateful, or even ignorant. Don't you have a "type"?
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October 17, 2009 04:06 AM
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I grew up with a prejudice father. He really had issues with more than race though - if someone was riding down the street and drove like an idjit, daddy would say they were either (in this order): black, Mexican, old, woman.
What happened?
My sister's first boyfriend was black and she married a resident alien from Mexico and they had a child. My daughter's father is Hispanic, and she looks it.
The point: my dad's prejudice didn't affect our choices, and if you're teaching your daughter tolerance, as you must be for her to be friends with a Hispanic child, your husband is not influencing her choices in that regard. If he makes comments (which if he's a grown up, he won't in front of the child), your daughter will likely do what we did and sort of laugh it off and wave it away.
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What happened?
My sister's first boyfriend was black and she married a resident alien from Mexico and they had a child. My daughter's father is Hispanic, and she looks it.
The point: my dad's prejudice didn't affect our choices, and if you're teaching your daughter tolerance, as you must be for her to be friends with a Hispanic child, your husband is not influencing her choices in that regard. If he makes comments (which if he's a grown up, he won't in front of the child), your daughter will likely do what we did and sort of laugh it off and wave it away.
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October 17, 2009 10:51 AM
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Fortunately, our children don't seem to lean toward prejudice as much as previous generations. It sounds like your daughter has made up her own mind, and if she has no prejudice against Mexicans, it's doubtful that she will against others unless she has her own unpleasant experience like her dad did. If she doesn't understand his attitude, perhaps it's time to explain to her why. It's like people who are scared of clowns because one traumatized them as a child, it's not the whole group that's bad but any barrel will have a few bad apples.
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