Much like an alcoholic or addict, one must first recognize that they have control issues before they can take steps to eliminate or minimize these issues. Once recognized, one must constantly evaluate and analyze their own behavior to identify whether they are exerting reasonable or unreasonable control. If unreasonable, stop. If reasonable, one must be careful to ensure the child understands that the control exerted is in their (the child's) best interest, and does not appear to be for the benefit of the one exerting the control. If the control appears to the child to be unreasonable, even if it is in fact reasonable, the child will naturally be resentful of the control. If this occurs regularly, the cumulative effect is what may damage relationships and long term behavior development.

just take a pill and tell your kids im going to take a break and lay down for a bit

If your control issues are so severe that you caused permanent damage in the relationship between your children and yourself, you absolutely need professional help, and have needed it for some time. If that much damage has taken place and you were either not aware that it was happening, or were aware of it but unable to stop it, that you not be able to heal those wounds on your own. The good news is that with the right help, your situation is not hopeless.

As far as how others might identify when they are making decision based on their own control issues and not on what is right for the children, of course that can become an issue, but in matters like drug use, manipulative behavior, etc, it's pretty clear cut. I guess i'd have to know exactly which posts seem to be issued on control issues rather than on a desire for waht was best for the child.

I am raising 3 children, 2 teens and 1- 9 year old. I have a theory. I taught my kids right from wrong. yes, I was very anal about things and very strict. well, what that gave me was a very angry kid. I finally realized that although my teens are not adults yet, they are responsible and basically good kids. The things they have been caught doing so far has been pretty minor-(Thank God). My 2 teen are both Juniors in high school and they are both active in clubs. As I started letting go alittle (it was tough) I started to notice that they were taking all that we had taught them and started living up to our expectations. Do they make stupid mistakes? you bet your boots they do but their father and I are there to help pick up the mess and point them in another direction.

I have noticed that because I have lightened up alittle, that they both come to me and talk to me more. And I am sure we can all agree here that communication is the key. It was a hard step for me to take. but there is less chaos in my house and they are helping out more out of a sense of responsibility.

I do alot of praying that God will always make me aware if one of my children are about to jump off the deep end. So far I am always at the right place at the right time.

I just want to say one more thing on this. My mother (who I consult ALOT) Says that if you raise your children to the best of your ability, then when your children turn 21, God fixes all the mistakes you made in raising them. That leaves your new 'adult' child responsible for his/her own actions. (She also told me that if she knew teenagers were going to be so hard, she would have stayed single.) Let's face it, they do not come with manuals like my VCR did. And all the books written on the subject only waste precious time that you could be spending with your child.