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How would you feel if your husband told you after 1 year of marriage that he broke off an engagement to another woman when he met you?
What if he had been engaged to the other woman for 2 years. Would you question his ability to commit? Would his actions scare you at all? How would you feel about him keeping it from you until after your wedding?
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8 answerers thought this was unfair.
Answers (8)
October 30, 2009 04:24 AM
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I would be flattered and maybe he didn't want you to think that he would do the same to you, he didn't want to scare you away. He probably thought he wanted to be with the other girl forever and then this other woman came along and turned his world upside down. I wouldn't mind a bit. Just think about the fact that he did tell you, and he didn't wait until you two had grand kids. Just remember you love him.
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October 30, 2009 04:25 AM
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I'll first find it strange cause I have no idea about it at all? Of course I'll be sad for the other woman. Even though I love my husband very much, it's still hurting to think that he had hurt someone because of me.
But this won't be the reason why I would question his ability to commit especially if he has been loyal all along with me. It's just the way things go. Sad but true. Sometimes, we lost something because we're meant for something else. That woman before could've been hurt and broken, but there's always a reason for things. Maybe now, she already knew why. Maybe somewhere on the planet, she's happy with somebody else. :)
But if my husband isn't loyal to me, then it's another story. Sadly, it means I'm the poor one and not the woman before. But like I said, things happen for a reason. Maybe there's a reason. Maybe I'm not being a good wife too, right?
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But this won't be the reason why I would question his ability to commit especially if he has been loyal all along with me. It's just the way things go. Sad but true. Sometimes, we lost something because we're meant for something else. That woman before could've been hurt and broken, but there's always a reason for things. Maybe now, she already knew why. Maybe somewhere on the planet, she's happy with somebody else. :)
But if my husband isn't loyal to me, then it's another story. Sadly, it means I'm the poor one and not the woman before. But like I said, things happen for a reason. Maybe there's a reason. Maybe I'm not being a good wife too, right?
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October 30, 2009 05:50 AM
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I'd be flattered, of course! But I'd also wonder what would make him so sure that I was worth breaking up what he was obviously committed to prior to meeting me. Someone so quick to break off an engagement just because he met someone he thought he might like would throw up a red-flag that this guy might be flighty and at a higher risk to dump me over the next nice girl he happens to meet.
So, I guess I'd have mixed feelings about that piece of information and would have to be extremely careful about our relationship. I'd definitely enjoy myself with him, but I'd have my eyes open as much as possible.
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So, I guess I'd have mixed feelings about that piece of information and would have to be extremely careful about our relationship. I'd definitely enjoy myself with him, but I'd have my eyes open as much as possible.
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October 30, 2009 02:40 PM
I was about to answer, but this looks what I would say aside from flipping genders a bit as I am male. ^_^
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November 01, 2009 09:06 PM
If a woman broke off a 2 year engagement to another man to choose you as her man would you be just as concerned? I doubt it. :)
It's not a question of commitment, after all they're with me - not them. Rather it's a question of my own choice to be with someone that I obviously didn't know enough about before I married them.
The "caution" that people are talking about here comes from an internal doubt system, not external. After all, just because you have this "new" information doesn't change who you married. It only changes how you think about them.
If they never told you, they'd still be the person you married. Maybe this past engagement meant so little to them when they met you they didn't even feel it mattered at all. Telling you now was just a passing thing.
But I'm guessing that once again this is a hypothetical situation so my hypothetical answer can't be completely wrong. But if it were real, check your self first, then your partner. If you have doubts after 1 year, what'll happen in 10 years when he decides to tell you something else that you failed to discover before you got married?
Fortunately my wife and I knew each other for 13 years before we got married. Were best friends and knew EVERYthing about each other that was possible to know (or cared to). So there's no new stories about our past that make any difference to how we feel about each other now.
I think it's bizarre how people will have a best friend they've known for years then marry a total stranger! You get what you deserve, my friend. Next time learn to love the person that has always loved you or pay the price. :)
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It's not a question of commitment, after all they're with me - not them. Rather it's a question of my own choice to be with someone that I obviously didn't know enough about before I married them.
The "caution" that people are talking about here comes from an internal doubt system, not external. After all, just because you have this "new" information doesn't change who you married. It only changes how you think about them.
If they never told you, they'd still be the person you married. Maybe this past engagement meant so little to them when they met you they didn't even feel it mattered at all. Telling you now was just a passing thing.
But I'm guessing that once again this is a hypothetical situation so my hypothetical answer can't be completely wrong. But if it were real, check your self first, then your partner. If you have doubts after 1 year, what'll happen in 10 years when he decides to tell you something else that you failed to discover before you got married?
Fortunately my wife and I knew each other for 13 years before we got married. Were best friends and knew EVERYthing about each other that was possible to know (or cared to). So there's no new stories about our past that make any difference to how we feel about each other now.
I think it's bizarre how people will have a best friend they've known for years then marry a total stranger! You get what you deserve, my friend. Next time learn to love the person that has always loved you or pay the price. :)
October 30, 2009 10:28 AM
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If my husband of one year will tell me this then I would be very happy that he opened up with me. I will also clarify with him what made him break up with her. If the reason is because he fell in love with me, of course I would be flattered. Any woman would feel that way I guess. I think this is better than having two relationships at a time. I think if we are married for one year, at least I will feel more secure that he truly loves me and he just wanted to be honest with me.
But if the reason is not me then at l am happy for I know that it is hard for a man to be open sometimes. They are not good of sharing their emotion for they are afraid of becoming vulnerable. They are not very particular of what happened in the past but mostly they are of what is happening at the present. And they are not very good with details either. I would be very thankful and grateful that he opened up with me and I know that he just want to share his deepest thoughts and emotions with me by sharing his experience. And that makes me heart skip a bit.
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But if the reason is not me then at l am happy for I know that it is hard for a man to be open sometimes. They are not good of sharing their emotion for they are afraid of becoming vulnerable. They are not very particular of what happened in the past but mostly they are of what is happening at the present. And they are not very good with details either. I would be very thankful and grateful that he opened up with me and I know that he just want to share his deepest thoughts and emotions with me by sharing his experience. And that makes me heart skip a bit.
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October 30, 2009 11:36 AM
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I actually was in a similar situation.
My husband was living with a woman for 3 yrs prior to us going out.They were in a long term relationship.We met and I asked him out on a date.He had just moved out of his GFs house because they had a slight disagreement,When I say just moved out I mean the day before that.
Now,He did not tell me this untill we were together for about 8 months.When I asked him why he never told me he said that He would NEVER cheat so he decided to break it off with his ex that day and then start dating me.He eventually told me the reason why he broke it off with her was because I was more of the person he wanted to be with.
No,It did not scare me.I was honored that he chose me over her.We are happily married 10 yrs with 3 beautiful girls.Besides,The past is the past as far as I am concerned!
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My husband was living with a woman for 3 yrs prior to us going out.They were in a long term relationship.We met and I asked him out on a date.He had just moved out of his GFs house because they had a slight disagreement,When I say just moved out I mean the day before that.
Now,He did not tell me this untill we were together for about 8 months.When I asked him why he never told me he said that He would NEVER cheat so he decided to break it off with his ex that day and then start dating me.He eventually told me the reason why he broke it off with her was because I was more of the person he wanted to be with.
No,It did not scare me.I was honored that he chose me over her.We are happily married 10 yrs with 3 beautiful girls.Besides,The past is the past as far as I am concerned!
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October 30, 2009 01:23 PM
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I wouldn't feel bad so much about the story, but I'd sure as heck be wondering how I didn't know this!!
Seriously, some major alarm bells and questions come to mind:
1.) After dating and 1 year of marriage, how did it never come up that he was engaged right before you?
2.) Since breaking off an engagement BEFORE dating you is the responsible thing to do, what does he have to hide, exactly?
There has to be more to the story, and THAT is what would make me nervous more than anything else. The lying, the concealment, the secrets.
As for the other woman? Of course I'd feel a little bad for her, but he did end their relationship before dating me, so at least he acted somewhat honorably. Engagements break off for all sorts of reasons, so I wouldn't assume at all that he was an untrustworthy or unreliable man. You know, except for the lying...
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Seriously, some major alarm bells and questions come to mind:
1.) After dating and 1 year of marriage, how did it never come up that he was engaged right before you?
2.) Since breaking off an engagement BEFORE dating you is the responsible thing to do, what does he have to hide, exactly?
There has to be more to the story, and THAT is what would make me nervous more than anything else. The lying, the concealment, the secrets.
As for the other woman? Of course I'd feel a little bad for her, but he did end their relationship before dating me, so at least he acted somewhat honorably. Engagements break off for all sorts of reasons, so I wouldn't assume at all that he was an untrustworthy or unreliable man. You know, except for the lying...
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