I have a very similar relationship with my mother, but fortunately I don't have to live with her. I take two basic approaches. #1 I refuse to argue & an argument takes at least two people. By the time a conversation has turned into an argument, nobody is listening to each other - only thinking of what they'll say next when the other person shuts up. Simply say, "There's no point in fighting about this. When you're calm we'll try again." Then walk away, leave the house if you have to. #2 Pick your battles. If mom doesn't like dirty dishes in the sink, teach your family to wash a dish when they have dirtied it. If mom tells your kids that You don't want them in Her room, clearly she doesn't want them in her room - wouldn't it be easier to say, "Yes, let's stay out of Grandma's room" than to get upset over something that won't matter a year from now? Sometimes we just have to make the best of an unpleasant situation. This is an awesome opportunity for your friend to teach her kids how to best deal with difficult people. I always tell my kids, "Act, don't react. Be who you are & behave appropriately regardless of how the other person acts." I have to disagree with the advice of those who would suggest committment. When your mother takes you, your husband, & your children in off of the street, you don't repay her by having her committed because she's difficult. That process is reserved for people who are a danger to themselves or others, and there are not enough beds in these places for the people who actually need them - when budgets are cut, they start in the places where people are less capable of fighting for their rights. I wish your friend the best of luck.