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If your fiance of many years suddenly inherited unexpected wealth and demanded a prenuptual agreement, would you be offended?

What if he had been your boyfriend for almost 8 years, whom you became engaged to and planned to marry? Assume he was not wealthy during your time together but after inheriting a large sum of money from a wealthy aunt, he wanted you to sign a pre-nup? Would you do it or feel betrayed, since he apparently does not trust you as much as you thought he would?
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omicron
omicron
Marked as Best! November 05, 2009 05:35 AM
If it was after eight years of being together, especially significant because you've passed the seven-year hump, which means you'll probably stick together through thick-or-thin no matter what, then yeah... that's odd that he would suddenly ask for a pre-nup.

If it had been after dating for only eight months I could see his point, but after eight years? Naa... now he's just being weird, and the numbers are going to his head and are affecting his ability to think rationally, in which case you should leave and give him some time to think about it.

I'd draw the line at something around 2 years. Less than that, and okay, maybe a pre-nup is warranted, but over that, come on... and if you've been together longer than seven years? No way... he's being weird.

In a lot of jurisdictions if you've been living together for more than two years then as far as the law is concerned you're effectively married anyway, by virtue of common-law, which means if he wants to be a pill about it, he can only make a demand like that if you've been together less than two years, otherwise you can just refuse and tell him that if he doesn't stop being an idiot then you'll take half and leave thank you very much... and there's not much he can do about it.
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lidyax2
lidyax2
November 05, 2009 03:16 PM
That's a great idea. People do behave strangely when they suddenly faced with the possibility of getting a lot of money.
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keepontryi...
keepontryi...
November 05, 2009 03:19 PM
I suppose I would feel betrayed, but I would also have to ask this question: Why, after eight years, were you not able to predict that this might be his reaction to this, why would this be such a surprise? It appears that he has concerns that you would take something that he feels belongs to him and you might leave him without, or perhaps he feels you might now suddenly want to marry only because he has money? (that's odd). He does not seem to trust you as much as you thought he did, nor is he probably as generous and willing to share as you thought he was. You assumed that his trust concerning this and his willingness to share were more than they turned out to be. What else have you assumed to be true that must also now be questioned? His commitment to your relationship? What about your ability to know him? If you made this big an error in judgment concerning his trust toward you, what else might you be mis-reading?

At the very least, this is cause for a serious round of counseling. You both have issues that would be better off settled before you get married. Hopefully you can work through them. Thank God they came up before the wedding and not after.
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marisaupa
marisaupa
November 05, 2009 04:15 PM
I would base my reaction on the following point. Had we discussed this sort of situation hypothetically before? If I had been with the person for 8 years, the topics of conversation would have ranged from the practical, to the hypothetical, to the shear fantasy. So it's probable that we would have talked about it in a hypothetical sense; as in, what if you were a millionaire, etc.

If we had discussed it before, be it hypothetically, and he had stated that a prenup is a wise idea for xyz reasons, then I probably would not take too much offense, it may hurt, but i would understand, as he had expressed his opinion on the subject earlier.

If in a hypothetical discussion he had proclaimed just the opposite, stating how love is more important than money or what have you; then for him to ask for a prenup would seem hypocritical to me and would offend and disillusion me.
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allenatkin...
allenatkin...
November 07, 2009 12:18 PM
Waiting the eight years is six years to long. Money should not and does not make a happy marrage. That being said If he lost it all would you still be with him? how about if he got sick and needed you to take care of him would that change. His dragging feet must have left a big trail trace that trail back to the beginning and look at the past has it all been good or have you just settled for comfort. Make yourself happy if he got a billion dollars eight years ago would that had made him marry you faster? than those eight years lost?
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sunshine09
sunshine09
November 07, 2009 04:10 PM
I would be affended, yes. A marriage is for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Just because he inferited money should have no bearing on the love, respect and most of all trust that he has for you. Suppose the situation was turned around and it was you inferiting the money. Would he feel affended and would he agree to sign a pre-nup ? I so disagree and I might even have a reseveration about this relationship now for money can change people in so many ways. Be careful and the best of luck to you both.

Money can be very evil
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomitheos/3290161675/
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