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If your husband travels a lot (4-5 days out of the week), should you feel obligated to spend his days home with him?
Say you have things you do every day or try to do every day, but have trouble doing while he's home because he, understandably, wants to spend the little bit of time that he has at home with you. Should you allow your routine and your work to stop while he's home just because he's home? How do you take care of your responsibilities that don't involve him without making him feel like your responsibilities are more important than him?
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October 23, 2009 02:59 AM
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Make time for him. Especially when it comes to matter of routine and mundane activities. A marriage is tough enough without special quality time together and you should make that a priority in your life, even if it means you sacrifice a little busy time.
Remember that you guys should be partners in this marriage. Even if you're alone and self-sufficient without him, imagine the strength you might have if you leaned on each other and enjoyed each other's company. It could do him a world of good, and it could do YOU a world of good.
Make the time.
Good luck!
Remember that you guys should be partners in this marriage. Even if you're alone and self-sufficient without him, imagine the strength you might have if you leaned on each other and enjoyed each other's company. It could do him a world of good, and it could do YOU a world of good.
Make the time.
Good luck!
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October 21, 2009 05:08 AM
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That is a very hard question, Men get just as hurt as women. I think that maybe one period of time should be running mutual errands together. Then he can see how much you need to get done, but you still have all that time together in the car as you go.
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October 21, 2009 11:15 AM
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Well, I would think that if my husband were gone most of the week, I'd WANT to spend time with him, even if that meant disrupting my regular routine. I don't like having my routine disrupted, either, but sometimes we have to for the good of our families and relationships. You don't mention what these responsibilities are, but I think it would be wise to adjust your schedule as much as possible to accommodate him when he's home, or find some way to include him while you are doing whatever it is you need to do. If you have particular responsibilities that you just can't shrug off, like a job outside the home, he needs to understand that. For some reason, men always seem to think what they want to do should take precedence over what the woman wants to do, but you need to impress upon him how important it is that these things get done if they can't be put off.
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October 21, 2009 11:34 AM
Actually, we think what we want to do takes precedent over what other men want to do also!
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October 22, 2009 07:07 PM
I was going to say that too - when my wife was a Flight Attendant, I wanted every minute I could get with her when she was home. You should WANT to spend time, not make it a chore or "pencil him in."
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October 22, 2009 09:04 PM
If I'd rather be doing something else besides be with my partner, why are we together?
But the question suggested work and other responsibilities so being the relationship you two have chosen it's okay (and hopefully understood) that real life marches on and your relationship is strong enough to last.
Yet a total lack of connection during your time together is often fertile ground for fantasies and wishful thinking. Having no connection at all is worse than a little catch up time at work.
I'm glad we're not in that situation. I'm often late just so I CAN spend a few more minutes in the arms of the one I love. :)
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But the question suggested work and other responsibilities so being the relationship you two have chosen it's okay (and hopefully understood) that real life marches on and your relationship is strong enough to last.
Yet a total lack of connection during your time together is often fertile ground for fantasies and wishful thinking. Having no connection at all is worse than a little catch up time at work.
I'm glad we're not in that situation. I'm often late just so I CAN spend a few more minutes in the arms of the one I love. :)
October 21, 2009 04:30 PM
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I would say that if your husband is gone most of the week, and you feel "obligated" to be with him when he's home, there are deeper problems than changing your habits for a couple of days a week. It seems that knowing that he will be home only briefly, you would try to get most of your errands done during the time he is gone, so you would have time to spend with him.
Why would you not want to spend time with him? Obviously, he wants to spend time with you. When one partner comes to feel that their time is more important than time with their partner, that signals that something is very wrong.
You mention work. Do you have a full time outside job, or do you work from home? If you have a full time outside job, of course scheduling is not your call. If you work from home, and you are not on a deadline, then schedules can be adjusted. If by "work" you mean homemaking chores, those can surely be adjusted to make more time for him when he is home.
This just doesn't sound like a time issue to me, it sounds like something else, but I could be wrong, as I often am. :) But if I'm right, then a serious talk is in order, and maybe even counseling.
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Why would you not want to spend time with him? Obviously, he wants to spend time with you. When one partner comes to feel that their time is more important than time with their partner, that signals that something is very wrong.
You mention work. Do you have a full time outside job, or do you work from home? If you have a full time outside job, of course scheduling is not your call. If you work from home, and you are not on a deadline, then schedules can be adjusted. If by "work" you mean homemaking chores, those can surely be adjusted to make more time for him when he is home.
This just doesn't sound like a time issue to me, it sounds like something else, but I could be wrong, as I often am. :) But if I'm right, then a serious talk is in order, and maybe even counseling.
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October 22, 2009 07:15 PM
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Like I was saying above, I would think you'd totally WANT to spend time with him. What are you not accomplishing when he's not there that you can accomplish him when he IS home? No-one should work 7 days a week, they'd go mad!
In a way, I can kind of see what you mean tho - like if he's home on Tuesday and Wednesday and you still have to go to work and get the kids to karate and dance class etc. but then again, there's compromise for that.
Everyone is always busy, btu you HAVE to make time for the people you love, or things will start going south. Get a sitter and go to dinner, just the two of you or everyone has a game night or something. Whatever makes your realtionship special, it's critical to keep that alive.
Like I said, my wife was a Flight Attendant and we spent A LOT of time away from each other. I hated it. We'd both get so lonely even when there was other day to day stuff to do. It was always a big deal when she came home and would try to plan something special (even somethnig little) to make her feel loved.
Best wishes!
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In a way, I can kind of see what you mean tho - like if he's home on Tuesday and Wednesday and you still have to go to work and get the kids to karate and dance class etc. but then again, there's compromise for that.
Everyone is always busy, btu you HAVE to make time for the people you love, or things will start going south. Get a sitter and go to dinner, just the two of you or everyone has a game night or something. Whatever makes your realtionship special, it's critical to keep that alive.
Like I said, my wife was a Flight Attendant and we spent A LOT of time away from each other. I hated it. We'd both get so lonely even when there was other day to day stuff to do. It was always a big deal when she came home and would try to plan something special (even somethnig little) to make her feel loved.
Best wishes!
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October 23, 2009 12:42 AM
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Feeling obligated is such a strong word I think. But for me the answer is no. If you love your spouse enough to marry him then you would look forward for the time that you will be spending together. And if it makes you happy being with him then I think that is not being obligated. To "oblige" is to do things because it call for that whether you like it or not.
I have been a full-time mom for 10 years and now that my kids are in elementary I have ventured out of my "comfort zone" and work to help our family financially. My husband works in a far city and he only comes home every weekend. Since I was working as a staff in school aside from being a teacher I am required to report even on Saturdays. But I noticed that me and my husband don't have enough time to talk and do things together. And there were times that we argue because of my schedule. I make it a point to prioritize my family over my work because I think that I am working hard for my family but if my work can affect my relationship then I have to make a choice.
I decided to quit as a staff but continue as a part-time teacher. In this way, I was able to have a free weekend with my husband. And did I do that out of obligation? No, I don't. I did that because I value our relationship and I love my husband and family so as to make such decisions. Because my happiness lies within them.
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I have been a full-time mom for 10 years and now that my kids are in elementary I have ventured out of my "comfort zone" and work to help our family financially. My husband works in a far city and he only comes home every weekend. Since I was working as a staff in school aside from being a teacher I am required to report even on Saturdays. But I noticed that me and my husband don't have enough time to talk and do things together. And there were times that we argue because of my schedule. I make it a point to prioritize my family over my work because I think that I am working hard for my family but if my work can affect my relationship then I have to make a choice.
I decided to quit as a staff but continue as a part-time teacher. In this way, I was able to have a free weekend with my husband. And did I do that out of obligation? No, I don't. I did that because I value our relationship and I love my husband and family so as to make such decisions. Because my happiness lies within them.
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