Answered Conundrum Next Conundrum
Should I feel guilty about giving my honest opinion to my best friend?
She asked me for my opinion on a touchy issue and I gave her my honest opinion and shared my feelings about it. Now, she's not talking to me because of what I said. I was just being honest.... Am I wrong for being so honest or is she wrong for holding my opinion against me?
Interesting Question?
Yes (0)
No (0)
- In Love and Relationships |
- |
- Report |
- Share
RSS
Best Answer Chosen by Asker
Marked as Best!
November 04, 2009 04:15 PM
Helpful Answer?
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Don't ever feel guilty about anything, it doesn't help matters.
You both get to learn from this particular circumstance.
You're friend learns that if she is going to ask you for your honest opinion, she's going to get it. And eventually, she may figure out that its the hallmark of a good friend. She may just need to process your opinion, there's no need to apologize, especially if you really believe what you said.
You get to learn that when this friend asks you for your honest opinion, it may not be what she really wants. Use that information however you want. If she asks you for your opinion again and you want to tell her the truth but don't know how she'll take it, preface it with "it may not be what you want to hear, do you still want me to tell you what I think?"
Some tips:
-if someone doesn't ask for your opinion on something personal, they may just want to vent. If you want to weigh in, ask if they want your opinion. If they say no, respect that.
-remember that the friend asking your opinion is asking for help, so take into consideration your friend's personality to word your opinion in a way that they'll best hear it.
-You could stress that its only your opinion and that you trust that they can make the right the decisions for themselves.
-If you have personal experience, tell them about that instead of giving a straight opinion. Tell them how you felt during that experience and what you learned from it. (Even if they don't follow your advice, usually it gives them the awareness to learn from their own experience).
-refer them to someone else who has had a similar experience.
I tend to be a know-it-all and obviously, I like giving people advice. Sometimes people don't take it well, the tips I've given are not skills that I've mastered but when I use them, the message gets across more than with other methods, and I find that I'm able to be more helpful and less attached to the outcome.
You both get to learn from this particular circumstance.
You're friend learns that if she is going to ask you for your honest opinion, she's going to get it. And eventually, she may figure out that its the hallmark of a good friend. She may just need to process your opinion, there's no need to apologize, especially if you really believe what you said.
You get to learn that when this friend asks you for your honest opinion, it may not be what she really wants. Use that information however you want. If she asks you for your opinion again and you want to tell her the truth but don't know how she'll take it, preface it with "it may not be what you want to hear, do you still want me to tell you what I think?"
Some tips:
-if someone doesn't ask for your opinion on something personal, they may just want to vent. If you want to weigh in, ask if they want your opinion. If they say no, respect that.
-remember that the friend asking your opinion is asking for help, so take into consideration your friend's personality to word your opinion in a way that they'll best hear it.
-You could stress that its only your opinion and that you trust that they can make the right the decisions for themselves.
-If you have personal experience, tell them about that instead of giving a straight opinion. Tell them how you felt during that experience and what you learned from it. (Even if they don't follow your advice, usually it gives them the awareness to learn from their own experience).
-refer them to someone else who has had a similar experience.
I tend to be a know-it-all and obviously, I like giving people advice. Sometimes people don't take it well, the tips I've given are not skills that I've mastered but when I use them, the message gets across more than with other methods, and I find that I'm able to be more helpful and less attached to the outcome.
| Asker's Rating: |
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
Other Answers (7)
November 04, 2009 01:45 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
On your part, you don't have to be guilty because you are just stating your honest opinion. Sometimes different opinions and principles in life can affect friendships even relationships but you cannot do anything about it. Maybe your friend will realized that you have a different way in seeing things and that doesn't mean that you are not a good friend. She will soon realize it somehow.
I think it is best to be honest than lie just to please her. I think that would be worst especially for you because it is hard to pretend. So just give her time because you cannot do anything about it. As long as you know that what you did is right. True friends respect each others points of view in life. That makes the friendship more exciting because you can see things in different perspectives. Although you argue but you have to agree to disagree.
Helpful Answer?
I think it is best to be honest than lie just to please her. I think that would be worst especially for you because it is hard to pretend. So just give her time because you cannot do anything about it. As long as you know that what you did is right. True friends respect each others points of view in life. That makes the friendship more exciting because you can see things in different perspectives. Although you argue but you have to agree to disagree.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
November 04, 2009 01:48 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
No, I think you were being a good friend to be honest. Maybe she's not talking to you right now because she's shocked or a little hurt, but a true friend will appreciate honesty.
Just give her some time and if you still don't hear anything from her after a while, give here a call and apologize. Not for being honest and sharing your feelings, but for saying something that hurt or bothered her.
If she's angry or still doesn't want to talk to you, I'd let it go. I wouldn't want to be in a friendship where I couldn't be honest.
Helpful Answer?
Just give her some time and if you still don't hear anything from her after a while, give here a call and apologize. Not for being honest and sharing your feelings, but for saying something that hurt or bothered her.
If she's angry or still doesn't want to talk to you, I'd let it go. I wouldn't want to be in a friendship where I couldn't be honest.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
November 04, 2009 01:49 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
If you gave your honest opinion, and she is no longer talking to you. 1) either hurt her feelings just a bit and she will come back around or 2) she really isn't much of a friend.
A real friend should want someone to be honest, even if brutally honest with them. It's the rarest, most true friend. She should appreciate that you didn't lie to her. Come on, really I want a friend that tells me if my breath stinks, if I am being difficult or wrong about a touchy issue. Even if it hurts my feelings. She should be so lucky to have a best friend like you, even if it hurt her feelings. She is just holding the opinion against you surely. Why would anyone be upset with someone for telling the truth? If so, well is that really the type of friend anyone needs?
A friend told me something one day that hurt my feelings a quiet a great deal. However, it would have hurt my feelings more to have been lied too. I got over it very quickly, even though I never acted like it bothered me to my friend. I appreciated that honest answer she gave me enough to respect her.
Maybe if you talk to her you should explain which she would rather have... honesty or a lie? Maybe she will then appreciate it more.
Helpful Answer?
A real friend should want someone to be honest, even if brutally honest with them. It's the rarest, most true friend. She should appreciate that you didn't lie to her. Come on, really I want a friend that tells me if my breath stinks, if I am being difficult or wrong about a touchy issue. Even if it hurts my feelings. She should be so lucky to have a best friend like you, even if it hurt her feelings. She is just holding the opinion against you surely. Why would anyone be upset with someone for telling the truth? If so, well is that really the type of friend anyone needs?
A friend told me something one day that hurt my feelings a quiet a great deal. However, it would have hurt my feelings more to have been lied too. I got over it very quickly, even though I never acted like it bothered me to my friend. I appreciated that honest answer she gave me enough to respect her.
Maybe if you talk to her you should explain which she would rather have... honesty or a lie? Maybe she will then appreciate it more.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
November 04, 2009 12:08 PM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Honestly the truth hurts sometimes and people sometimes can’t handle the truth. I believe if you really consider someone a friend you would tell them straight up. I know that you are hurting, but if she really considers you a friend she will come around, just give her some time.
In life people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Base on her response to the situation you can put her in one of the categories.
Helpful Answer?
In life people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Base on her response to the situation you can put her in one of the categories.
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply
November 05, 2009 01:24 AM
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
If she asked you for an honest opinion and you gave it to her, you did the right thing. Perhaps the truth was more than she could handle at this time, give her a few days to digest the news and if she is indeed a friend she will be back.
Helpful Answer?
(0)
(0)
Permalink |
Report
Reply