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Should I have Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend's hateful family?

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. He occasionally spends small holidays with my family (a few Easters, a Thanksgiving lunch) and is always graciously welcomed. However, when I spent 3 New Year's Eves with his family, I recently found out that his mother complained and felt that my being there was taking away family time, along with saying some other hurtful things about me to her sisters and other family members. She is single and boyfriend is her only son. I have since politely distanced myself from the family, but this year, the mother's sister has invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. My boyfriend's mother will also be there. Should I go or politely say no?
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silverhamm...
silverhamm...
November 26, 2009 08:07 PM
Hearing that someone has spoken poorly of you behind your back shouldn't stop you from accepting a direct invitation. People say lots of regretful things over the Holidays, especially if alcohol is involved.

Holidays are a highly charged time of year for people emotionally. A mother is often attached and protective of their only son. Instead of trying to avoid someone based on rumors (even if true), make the mother feel like she is the center of attention this year. Do things for her, offer to help in the kitchen. Let her son dote on her and also shower her with attention. Be willing to play second fiddle for a day.

It's much nicer to develop a happy family unit than to hold grudges and bitterness in your heart. Forgive and enjoy. That's what Thanksgiving is for!
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emeri
emeri
November 26, 2009 08:51 PM
You can go to the Thanksgiving dinner with your boyfriend's hateful family if you want to. But be warned that if you respond to his mother's hateful observations or goading, your boyfriend may well take his mother's side or pretend that nothing is going on that should disturb you. He might even turn it around and pretend that it's all your fault. The resulting conflict could end the relationship, which is what his mother is really aiming for, unless she just wants you to be her easy victim/doormat. The choice is up to you. If she feels that her previous attacks didn't accomplish the trouble she hoped to cause, she could get worse. For some single women, the son is a substitute husband, and she will feel that you are a rival that is taking away from her comforts in life, and she will treat you as such. If her family doesn't believe that you are a problem, she will then start to tell lies on you and then you will find yourself dealing with trouble that you don't need.
Source(s):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffhlewis/2328674391/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYvnCQcicaw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15Abp4J-tHE
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owl
owl
November 27, 2009 06:02 PM
Had I been in your place, I would not have accepted the dinner proposal at any cost. What's the use of attending a dinner that is not from heart? What's such a Thanksgiving? I could not even gulp down a single bite in such an atmosphere.

You should never attend it.

Thanks
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