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Should I send a gift even though I wasn't invited to the baby shower?

One of my husband's male coworkers has a pregnant wife. My hubby and this coworker are pretty close friends, but because the wife and I don't know each other very well (despite my attempts!), I'm not invited to any baby showers. Should we just leave it at the company "pool" to chip in and buy gift cards? Or should I go ahead and get them something special anyway? (By "get", I mean that for most babies I make a handmade baby quilt)
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canadamom
canadamom
Marked as Best! October 04, 2009 01:50 PM
I make a baby quilt for all new babies invitation to shower or not!

I made one for one baby several years ago, got a polite but short thanks for the gift card.....

and then low and behold saw the child as a older toddler years later clutching my very well tattered quilt.

So yes keep making and giving!
Asker's Rating:
• I got a lot of great answers to this one, and it seems like a lot of people really agree. But the perspective and story attached to this answer just really tipped my decision and made me realize how happy that quilt could make someone else, regardless of gratitude, recognition, or closeness in friendship with the parents. Thanks for illustrating the very lesson I needed!
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ocha
ocha
October 04, 2009 12:13 AM
I would get her something. My wife does it all the time for my friends who have kids. She doesn't even know or never even met there wives come to think of it neither have I. But this is Japan things are a little different. But since it's my friend having a baby weather she really knows them or not she always get them something just to say congrats. I guess its a easy way to show that you care and people appreciate that kind of thing I think. So make her a quilt I am sure it will be appreciated. Good luck.
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boydao
boydao
October 04, 2009 12:36 AM
Giving something special to somebody you don't know very well can really set an impression on them. It tells them that you are a thoughtful person and that you care. Perhaps, it will make your relationship closer... not to mention that your husband's co-worker will not only apreciate you, but your husband as well. I say you should make the quilt. The mother and the father will appreciate your kindness and the baby will feel safe, warm, and secure in his/her new quilt.
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whitelord1...
whitelord1...
October 04, 2009 12:39 AM
Would you want them to send you a gift even though they didn't get an invite from you?
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gno
gno
October 04, 2009 12:58 AM
I wouldn't expect one, but I have never in my life turned down a gift. So, hard to say!
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demanda
demanda
October 04, 2009 04:10 AM
I think it would be a very nice gesture, but you are in no way obligated to send a gift. If you have the time and desire to make the quilt, I say go for it! It would be a lovely, thoughtful, and, I am sure, much-appreciated present for the new little bundle of joy. It may also finally open up the friendship door with the new mommy. On the other hand, it probably will go unnoticed if you fail to send a gift so only chipping in on the gift cards would be fine too.
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psionandy
psionandy
October 04, 2009 07:47 AM
yes... If you want to send a gift then do it.

When we were expecting our first one, it was amazing. We received so many gifts from people we knew but wouldn't expect to get gifts from. Its not that we weren't 'friendly' with a lot of these people, but we wouldn't have considered them friends if you know what I mean.

It was really appreciated. We were both new parents and (looking back) hadn't got much ideas about what was useful, what was cute but useless. And babys grow so quickly and need so many changes every day that baby clothes are always a hit.

We now try and return the favour, and try and get something for people we know when they're expecting (regardless of being invited to any baby showers)

A quilt sounds like a great idea by the way.....
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sittingbea...
sittingbea...
October 04, 2009 08:35 AM
of course, it would be a very nice gesture and i am sure it would be appreciated. in this situation what i usually do is wait until the baby is born - and find a gift which ends up being more personal since the little one has arrived. plus it is a nice treat for the new mom at such a time when things have become hectic. i try to include a little something for the mom also - ie a luxury bath product or maybe baked goods or a ready to serve casserole! after all, she did all the work!
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jkepler
jkepler
October 04, 2009 07:24 PM
I would still get them something. To be honest though, if that handmade baby quilt is going to take a lot of time, you could definitely just go out and get something slightly less meaningful from the store. Who knows, perhaps this could open up the opportunity for friendship a little bit. Also, can you really not attend? Did they not give your husband the right to a +1? I actually find that a little rude, but they probably didn't mean anything by it.
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