Personally, I would ask him to come to counseling with me. I would want to see him talk about his experiences in a counseling environment, hear my thoughts and feelings about what he was saying, and then get the counselor's interpretation. If he was unwilling to go, to me that would be proof that he probably hadn't actually gone before and/or that he wasn't really able to fully face his past actions.

I admit that I would probably spend the first six months to a year of the relationship watching his behavior more carefully than I might watch someone else's, looking for signs that he might be changing, but I would give him a chance, if I thought the relationship was worth it.

Because abusers choose to abuse (forget all that B.S. about "golly, I just lost control!") as evidenced by the fact that they only abuse when the risk of punishment is low (after their victim is separated from their support system, in private away from witnesses, etc.) I would make it clear to him that I expect open communication in our relationship, mutual respect, and honesty. I expect that from anyone, but I would make a point of telling someone who was used to testing people in order to establish boundaries.

Frankly, I'm not sure it would work, since I have been in abusive relationship before and my sympathy for those people is about zero, but hypothetically, that's how I would handle it if I felt strongly enough that there could be a good future with him.

I would run, not walk, far away. As another responder pointed out, batterers choose to abuse. Domestic violence is not just about the physical abuse, it is a reign of psychological terror that starts small and slow, so much so that many women do not even notice it is happening. Abusers do not change unless they really, really want to, and I don't know if I believe someone who had been an abusive partner would ever truly want to change, based on the research I have done and the experience I have had working with battered women.

I may be cynical, but this is not something I would be willing to consider even a little bit. And even if he was "changed" I don't think I would ever fully trust someone who had treated another woman in an abusive manner. It would change how I saw him and thought of him.

well, wow what a question. I will tell you what I did, when I recently found out that my boyfriend did this. His ex had a pfa (protection from abuse order), I heard from others that she was most of the problem and often cried abuse. So when he said the pfa was a bogus thing I believed him. He seemed so innocent, and she on the other hand was known for violent outburst.

I seen the violence first hand, not directed at me, but another man recently. I quietly slipped away and stopped taking his calls, answering his pages etc. I don't need a violent man in my life, or the lives of my boys.

my advice.. run do not walk away from this man... run as fast as you can.

Get out, and get out immediately. The words "seemingly amazing, kind, and caring man" are a major red flag -- pretty much everyone in an abusive relationship THINKS the abuser is a wonderful person. And it draws them to the abusers. The same goes for the claimed counseling, the saying that he's a changed man, etc. They all say that. Every time. And this is not a situation to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Really, since it's a new relationship, there isn't all that much of an incentive to stay. The downsides far, far, FAR outweigh any possible benefits. Get out.