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When someone cheats on their spouse or partner, why do people always blame the person he/she cheated with? Aren't they equally responsible?
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October 28, 2009 01:32 AM
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When someone cheats, it's usually a sign that something in the relationship is wrong... that doesn't make cheating 'right', though.
The 'other person' in the relationship of the cheater might or might not be an innocent bystander. Some women and men go into relationships thinking they are dating someone who is free to date, only to find out later that was not the case.
If the other party truly didn't know about the 'affair' aspect, it's not their fault, at all, in any way. However, once the affair has been revealed, if they choose to continue the relationship, I consider them as much at fault as the party cheating.
However, if my partner were to cheat, I wouldn't blame the other person... unless that person is purposely shoving it in my face and ridiculing me about it, as one of my ex's girlfriends did. She took great pleasure in smearing me and my name on her website, her Myspace, etc. In this instance, I blame both him and her.
Otherwise, the fault of the cheating lies with the cheater...
WHY sometimes the 'other' is blamed probably has more to do with the fact that it's easier to blame someone you barely know or don't know at all for the problems than it is to blame someone you thought you loved and trusted. It somehow seems to hurt less to think the other party seduced your partner, instead of realizing your partner made a conscious decision to cheat.
It's not right, but I think that's why some people do it.
The 'other person' in the relationship of the cheater might or might not be an innocent bystander. Some women and men go into relationships thinking they are dating someone who is free to date, only to find out later that was not the case.
If the other party truly didn't know about the 'affair' aspect, it's not their fault, at all, in any way. However, once the affair has been revealed, if they choose to continue the relationship, I consider them as much at fault as the party cheating.
However, if my partner were to cheat, I wouldn't blame the other person... unless that person is purposely shoving it in my face and ridiculing me about it, as one of my ex's girlfriends did. She took great pleasure in smearing me and my name on her website, her Myspace, etc. In this instance, I blame both him and her.
Otherwise, the fault of the cheating lies with the cheater...
WHY sometimes the 'other' is blamed probably has more to do with the fact that it's easier to blame someone you barely know or don't know at all for the problems than it is to blame someone you thought you loved and trusted. It somehow seems to hurt less to think the other party seduced your partner, instead of realizing your partner made a conscious decision to cheat.
It's not right, but I think that's why some people do it.
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October 27, 2009 11:59 PM
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Hell yeah they are. I can't stand that either, and it's usually women that will blame the other woman and let the guy off. I've had friends that want to kill someone but it's never him...it's always her.
And I tell them that if anything, they should leave the other woman alone. Even if she knew about you and knew he was "taken" she didn't owe you anything. The person you are with owes you the very common courtesy and respect of not cheating and ending the relationship if they wanted to be with someone else.
People that blame the other person just really don't want the relationship to be over and are trying to give the cheater an excuse.
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And I tell them that if anything, they should leave the other woman alone. Even if she knew about you and knew he was "taken" she didn't owe you anything. The person you are with owes you the very common courtesy and respect of not cheating and ending the relationship if they wanted to be with someone else.
People that blame the other person just really don't want the relationship to be over and are trying to give the cheater an excuse.
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October 28, 2009 01:02 AM
You say you can't stand either, BUT I've been the 'other woman' when the man was lying to me just as much as he was lying to his wife... I had no clue about her or she me until we both sort of discovered it, and then she and I talked to each other. She didn't blame me, and I couldn't possibly blame her.
I'm just saying... keep in mind not all 'other woman' are intentionally cheating with a man.
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I'm just saying... keep in mind not all 'other woman' are intentionally cheating with a man.
October 28, 2009 12:01 AM
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I think people often blame the person he/she cheated with because it's easier than believing someone you cared for is responsible for your pain.
In most cases I would say yes, both are equally responsible as it takes two to cheat. Knowingly sleeping with someone else's partner is just as dishonorable as cheating on your own mate. It's no better than stealing. The only exception would be if he/she had lied to the person they were cheating with and not let them in on the fact that they had a significant other in a committed relationship already. In this case I would place my partner at full blame as the other party had no idea they were doing anything wrong to begin with.
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In most cases I would say yes, both are equally responsible as it takes two to cheat. Knowingly sleeping with someone else's partner is just as dishonorable as cheating on your own mate. It's no better than stealing. The only exception would be if he/she had lied to the person they were cheating with and not let them in on the fact that they had a significant other in a committed relationship already. In this case I would place my partner at full blame as the other party had no idea they were doing anything wrong to begin with.
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