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Whenever you're with your friends, you always feel left out. Do you bring it up, or let it go? If you say something, what?
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October 26, 2009 11:16 AM
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One of the most surprising things I've learned since leaving school and joining the adult world, is how few people feel like they belong. It wasn't until I was about 30 that I realized how many "popular" kids felt left out in High School (not saying you're a kid). My point (though poorly made), is that almost everyone experiences the feeling of being left out, to one extent or another.
The fact that feeling left out is nearly universal is most emphatically NOT a reason to keep your feelings to yourself, in fact, just the opposite. Since so many people could be feeling the same way ( or might have at some point), it is even more valid bring it up as a topic of conversation.
I would say something like this: "Hey guys, I've got a question for you. When we get together, do you ever feel left out? because sometimes I do?" I think that might start a good conversation. Who Knows what kind of responses you might get? here are a few possibilities:
"How could you feel that way, we always include you in everything".
"If you want to feel included, you should speak up more" .
"You know, I feel the same way some times".
"I'm sorry bandit, I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I'll try to be more sensitive to including you from now on"
I definitely think it something that you should bring up with no hesitation or reservation.
This video describes that feeling a bit, I think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efHOIT1ROk8
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One of the most surprising things I've learned since leaving school and joining the adult world, is how few people feel like they belong. It wasn't until I was about 30 that I realized how many "popular" kids felt left out in High School (not saying you're a kid). My point (though poorly made), is that almost everyone experiences the feeling of being left out, to one extent or another.
The fact that feeling left out is nearly universal is most emphatically NOT a reason to keep your feelings to yourself, in fact, just the opposite. Since so many people could be feeling the same way ( or might have at some point), it is even more valid bring it up as a topic of conversation.
I would say something like this: "Hey guys, I've got a question for you. When we get together, do you ever feel left out? because sometimes I do?" I think that might start a good conversation. Who Knows what kind of responses you might get? here are a few possibilities:
"How could you feel that way, we always include you in everything".
"If you want to feel included, you should speak up more" .
"You know, I feel the same way some times".
"I'm sorry bandit, I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I'll try to be more sensitive to including you from now on"
I definitely think it something that you should bring up with no hesitation or reservation.
This video describes that feeling a bit, I think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efHOIT1ROk8
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October 26, 2009 11:14 PM
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First, reflect on why you think you feel left out. Are your friends talking about or doing things you can't relate to? Are you just being shy? Do you not feel like your input would benefit the conversation? If so, why? Have you put forth an effort to be included?
If you've already analyzed these things and figured out your problem, pull one of your friends aside (the one you trust the most) and talk to that one person. Discuss with them what you're feeling and how to maybe change it so that you can feel more like a part of the group. See if that friend will make a conscious effort to help you and include you in the conversation and when they do, jump at it and take advantage.
If you still feel like you're being left out or like you don't belong, it may be time to consider looking for a new group of friends that does make you feel wanted and included.
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If you've already analyzed these things and figured out your problem, pull one of your friends aside (the one you trust the most) and talk to that one person. Discuss with them what you're feeling and how to maybe change it so that you can feel more like a part of the group. See if that friend will make a conscious effort to help you and include you in the conversation and when they do, jump at it and take advantage.
If you still feel like you're being left out or like you don't belong, it may be time to consider looking for a new group of friends that does make you feel wanted and included.
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October 27, 2009 01:08 AM
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You're feeling left out among your friends?
Then maybe you need some different friends. Hear me out: If you are giving any signals that you're on the outside, uncomfortable, or bored, these friends should be catching it and doing backflips trying to pull you "back in the circle".
Or maybe you're just not compatible enough with them. Maybe they're a group of pushy, loud, or animated women (which isn't a bad thing!), while you're not. Maybe some quieter friends would be a better fit for you so that it wasn't so much work to stay front-and-center with them!
NOW, this all is based on the idea that you're being even a little honest with them about your uneasiness. If you are too adept at hiding this, then you need to try a little first. Give your friends a chance to pick you up and embrace you.
http://www.commentbuddy.com/comments/Funny4/seekcodes_good-friends-comedy.jpg
Helpful Answer?
Then maybe you need some different friends. Hear me out: If you are giving any signals that you're on the outside, uncomfortable, or bored, these friends should be catching it and doing backflips trying to pull you "back in the circle".
Or maybe you're just not compatible enough with them. Maybe they're a group of pushy, loud, or animated women (which isn't a bad thing!), while you're not. Maybe some quieter friends would be a better fit for you so that it wasn't so much work to stay front-and-center with them!
NOW, this all is based on the idea that you're being even a little honest with them about your uneasiness. If you are too adept at hiding this, then you need to try a little first. Give your friends a chance to pick you up and embrace you.
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