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Would you feel comfortable saving money by marrying four wives at the same time?
South African businessman Milton Mbele is in the news because although he can afford his four wives he is still on a budget so he broke tradition by marrying them at the same time. The cost of weddings worldwide has become very high and he probably saved nearly 75% by combining the ceremonies. But, traditionally one only marries one wife at a time. Would you have done the same in his place or would you have tried to save up for separate weddings? 
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October 08, 2009 04:18 AM
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If I'm going to marry four women (odd for me, not only being a monogamist, but also a woman, but let's go with it!) anyway, I think it's a very smart and creative move to combine the weddings.
From what I understand about polygamy in most cultures, the wives enter into a sisterhood or family bond upon their joint marriages together. I think celebrating all four wives coming together with one husband at one time is beautiful, symbolic, and thrifty! I know that in most Western cultures every bride wants her special day, but that really seems inappropriate in a polygamist marriage where a family unit is being formed immediately. They are a member of a family and joining that means a spotlight solely on themselves doesn't make sense. The spotlight should be on everyone!
So I say good for him, and because of his bridal bunching, he was probably able to give those ladies a much more lavish day than they otherwise would've received. I bet each bride will remember that day for the rest of her life. So mission accomplished!
From what I understand about polygamy in most cultures, the wives enter into a sisterhood or family bond upon their joint marriages together. I think celebrating all four wives coming together with one husband at one time is beautiful, symbolic, and thrifty! I know that in most Western cultures every bride wants her special day, but that really seems inappropriate in a polygamist marriage where a family unit is being formed immediately. They are a member of a family and joining that means a spotlight solely on themselves doesn't make sense. The spotlight should be on everyone!
So I say good for him, and because of his bridal bunching, he was probably able to give those ladies a much more lavish day than they otherwise would've received. I bet each bride will remember that day for the rest of her life. So mission accomplished!
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October 07, 2009 03:52 PM
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No, i'm not going to be comfortable. I will not marry 4 wives at the same time just to save money. I will not marry anyone because of any influence of money. I will be married because of love and not to save budget. The question for that is, "who is the most loved among them?". It is like "buy one take 4". The other 3 are just bonus for the real purchase. In relation to the tradition, if allowed to marry many wives, why hurry to have them all at once? Just enjoy each one at a time.
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October 07, 2009 05:42 PM
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Since I don't live in a culture where mutliple brides is an option I've never really thought about this kind of thing. In the situation you mention I can see where it would make sense to save the money and have one ceremony... It is common for a man to take multiple brides in Miltons culture so why waste the money when it can be consolidated.
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October 07, 2009 07:23 PM
I like to encourage people to think about other cultures; so many people get stuck thinking "inside the box" of their own family and neighbors. But apparently this chap was thinking "outside the box" as his tradition is to marry each wife separately. The King of Swaziland, for example, marries an additional wife every year.
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October 07, 2009 10:21 PM
My only concern when I thought about this was... how do work out the honeymoon part?
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October 07, 2009 06:12 PM
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I guess if you are for sure going to marry four wives anyway, you know who those wives are, and they are all ok with the setup, I don't see why it would be much different to have four ceremonies rather than one "Very Big Day".
Sure from the point of view of a monagamous culture people might think: "But I don't want to share my wedding day." But people in that culture don't want to share their husband in the first place either! If you are happy to share a husband, and share your life with the three other wives, it seems just as appropriate that you all start your lives together in one big ceremony.
Maybe it even avoids issues about the relative status of the wives, which could be a problem if one was first and another only fourth.
Whether I would have done the same in his place is a question that is too hypothetical to be answerable! I don't envisage or want to have four wives. Even if I did, I'm not part of that culture with its traditions.
The closest analogy that I can relate to is this: I could get married, but we can't afford much of a ceremony or a honeymoon. Do I postpone the wedding and save up, so we can have the kind of day we'd like and our community expects, or just get married as cheaply as possible?
I'd be fine with either option, and I certainly wouldn't put off getting married indefinitely in the hopes of making more money in the future.
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Sure from the point of view of a monagamous culture people might think: "But I don't want to share my wedding day." But people in that culture don't want to share their husband in the first place either! If you are happy to share a husband, and share your life with the three other wives, it seems just as appropriate that you all start your lives together in one big ceremony.
Maybe it even avoids issues about the relative status of the wives, which could be a problem if one was first and another only fourth.
Whether I would have done the same in his place is a question that is too hypothetical to be answerable! I don't envisage or want to have four wives. Even if I did, I'm not part of that culture with its traditions.
The closest analogy that I can relate to is this: I could get married, but we can't afford much of a ceremony or a honeymoon. Do I postpone the wedding and save up, so we can have the kind of day we'd like and our community expects, or just get married as cheaply as possible?
I'd be fine with either option, and I certainly wouldn't put off getting married indefinitely in the hopes of making more money in the future.
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October 07, 2009 10:49 PM
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Thrift.
Saving money.
Prudence.
Practicality.
Knowing the value of a penny.
In these tight economic times people are thinking out of the box and being very creative when it comes to saving money.
He is just thinking ahead when his wives have four times the children.
Thats where the money will go to!
Kudos to him!
Ask anyone that lived through the Depression and they would applaud his marriage{s}.
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Saving money.
Prudence.
Practicality.
Knowing the value of a penny.
In these tight economic times people are thinking out of the box and being very creative when it comes to saving money.
He is just thinking ahead when his wives have four times the children.
Thats where the money will go to!
Kudos to him!
Ask anyone that lived through the Depression and they would applaud his marriage{s}.
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October 07, 2009 11:44 PM
He's not broke. He can afford his 4 wives and 8 (so far) children (they didn't wait). He even could afford a full scale western and full scale traditional marriage ceremony (see photos). But he saved a bundle by combining the four marriages into one. Seems sensible to me too; but, it goes against tradition and I thought it was an interesting personal conundrum to think about.
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October 08, 2009 12:02 AM
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Q: Would you feel comfortable saving money by marrying four wives at the same time?
A: You're asking the wrong people, probably.
First narrow it down by saying, "This question is for guys who expect to marry more than one wife".
Then you further refine it by saying, "In your culture, are you expected to marry each wife one at a time?"
Then you say, "If the answer is yes, how safe, in your culture today, would you feel to marry more than one wife at the same time?"
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A: You're asking the wrong people, probably.
First narrow it down by saying, "This question is for guys who expect to marry more than one wife".
Then you further refine it by saying, "In your culture, are you expected to marry each wife one at a time?"
Then you say, "If the answer is yes, how safe, in your culture today, would you feel to marry more than one wife at the same time?"
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October 08, 2009 12:33 AM
No. I deliberately want people to consider themselves in that position and consider how they would feel and decide. Women are welcome to answer. So are people where monogamy is enforced by law. Most people come from cultures and/or religions that allow polygamy although it is rarely practiced.
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October 08, 2009 12:43 AM
Yeah, but you're asking for a three-tired presumption. First they have to imagine what it would be like to think it's normal to marry more than one wife. Then they'd have to try to imagine what it's like to live in a society where it's considered impolite to marry more than one wife at the same time.
That's a big stretch, because they have to first imagine that both of those are true before even beginning to answer the core of your question, which is, "Would you violate the social normas of your culture", which is a personal decision based upon the character of the individual.
Some of the people here are naturally social conformists, and so they would not do it if they were in a culture like that, whereas other here are naturally independant, so they would do something like that if in a culture like that, so you're not really asking anything about that cuture... you're asking about the attitudes of conformity versus independance of the answerers regardless of their culture.
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That's a big stretch, because they have to first imagine that both of those are true before even beginning to answer the core of your question, which is, "Would you violate the social normas of your culture", which is a personal decision based upon the character of the individual.
Some of the people here are naturally social conformists, and so they would not do it if they were in a culture like that, whereas other here are naturally independant, so they would do something like that if in a culture like that, so you're not really asking anything about that cuture... you're asking about the attitudes of conformity versus independance of the answerers regardless of their culture.
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