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Your best friend is cheating on their married partner. Do you intervene and say you think this is wrong or do you just let them carry on?
You know the situation. You want your married best friend to be happy but they are cheating on their partner and you are not sure if this is the right thing to do.
The dilemna is do you tell their partner or just leave time to pass so the problem will get discovered through some other means or maybe the affair will stop.
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The dilemna is do you tell their partner or just leave time to pass so the problem will get discovered through some other means or maybe the affair will stop.
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September 27, 2009 10:01 PM
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I think the answer depends on your level of knowledge. If you merely SUSPECT that your friend MIGHT be cheating, you should let it go. It's not your place to dig up dirt and manage their life.
If your friend smugly tells you about it you are free to vigorously express disapproval because your friend brought up the topic.
If through no unusual nosiness on your part you discover that your friend is definitely cheating, you are free to express your disapproval to your friend, just as you would be free to tell them to stop kicking a puppy, stop shoplifting or to get help with an out of control addition.
I would do nothing to support, condone or help the arrangement. Don't be an alibi, don't go on a couples outing with the cheaters, etc. If this happened to me, I'd tell the friend to either stop it or keep me completely ignorant of that part of their life if they want to remain my friend. If they didn't stop, I'd probably drift away from them rather remain in a close "friend" relationship with someone who doesn't have a problem with lying/cheating/betraying.
I don't care who sleeps with who and how. If both partners are having sex with everything that moves and don't care about what their partner is doing, that's fine too. If the "cheating" is done as an act of remorseless betrayal, that willingness to casually violate trust would likely exclude the cheater from my circle of confidants.
In most situations telling their partner would likely do more harm than good. It will definitely cause pain and likely will be considered an act of war by both your soon to be former friend and their spouse. Unless the spouse is an idiot or has been away from home for a long time, they likely either know or suspect what is happening. The only reasons I would consider telling the spouse are:
* If the cheater is putting the spouse in danger (if the friend is sleeping around with lots of people or is with known disease carriers, etc.)
* if the cheater is planning to harm the spouse, such as take away all of their shared assets and wealth to give to the new fling, or perhaps murder the spouse to remove them from the picture. . .
*if the spouse approaches me of their own initiative and asks me (i.e. I'd never lead them into such a discussion, but if asked I wouldn't feel obligated to lie)
If your friend smugly tells you about it you are free to vigorously express disapproval because your friend brought up the topic.
If through no unusual nosiness on your part you discover that your friend is definitely cheating, you are free to express your disapproval to your friend, just as you would be free to tell them to stop kicking a puppy, stop shoplifting or to get help with an out of control addition.
I would do nothing to support, condone or help the arrangement. Don't be an alibi, don't go on a couples outing with the cheaters, etc. If this happened to me, I'd tell the friend to either stop it or keep me completely ignorant of that part of their life if they want to remain my friend. If they didn't stop, I'd probably drift away from them rather remain in a close "friend" relationship with someone who doesn't have a problem with lying/cheating/betraying.
I don't care who sleeps with who and how. If both partners are having sex with everything that moves and don't care about what their partner is doing, that's fine too. If the "cheating" is done as an act of remorseless betrayal, that willingness to casually violate trust would likely exclude the cheater from my circle of confidants.
In most situations telling their partner would likely do more harm than good. It will definitely cause pain and likely will be considered an act of war by both your soon to be former friend and their spouse. Unless the spouse is an idiot or has been away from home for a long time, they likely either know or suspect what is happening. The only reasons I would consider telling the spouse are:
* If the cheater is putting the spouse in danger (if the friend is sleeping around with lots of people or is with known disease carriers, etc.)
* if the cheater is planning to harm the spouse, such as take away all of their shared assets and wealth to give to the new fling, or perhaps murder the spouse to remove them from the picture. . .
*if the spouse approaches me of their own initiative and asks me (i.e. I'd never lead them into such a discussion, but if asked I wouldn't feel obligated to lie)
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September 27, 2009 06:04 PM
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Someone who can cheat on their spouse will not find it difficult to justify mistreating other people in their life too.
You should stand up and be the best friend that you are, tell the truth, call him out and insist he show some honor/integrity and you can't support his behavior.
A liar and a cheat is a liar and a cheat. Your feelings about your friendship won't protect you once his morals and ethics deteriorate sufficiently.
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You should stand up and be the best friend that you are, tell the truth, call him out and insist he show some honor/integrity and you can't support his behavior.
A liar and a cheat is a liar and a cheat. Your feelings about your friendship won't protect you once his morals and ethics deteriorate sufficiently.
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September 27, 2009 07:03 PM
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Well no, that's the problem with people. No one knows how to mind their own business. Unless your friend asks your opinion on the matter, it has nothing to do with you. Nor is it your place to tell anyone else. How does your friend's marital issue affect your life?
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September 27, 2009 07:28 PM
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This is my best friend. So I think, I can tell my friend it will lead to problems. If the partner in the marriage is not good, it would be better to get a divorce instead of cheating. May be there is underlying issues we never had time to talk about it before. So this will give my friend an opportunity to discuss about all these issues and to get some help from me to tackle the issues.
I believe true friends can talk to each other everything under the sun without feeling guilty. I am pretty much sure, there is a definite reason why my friend did cheat on the spouse. There will be a way to solve the issues and if my friend needed to save the marriage, I will provide all the support I can do. If my friend really wants a divorce, I will support in that too. Cheating and staying in marriage...I don't think it will work. I will say that to my friend for sure. there is no way I am going to tell my friend's partner about the cheating, unless my friend really wants that.
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I believe true friends can talk to each other everything under the sun without feeling guilty. I am pretty much sure, there is a definite reason why my friend did cheat on the spouse. There will be a way to solve the issues and if my friend needed to save the marriage, I will provide all the support I can do. If my friend really wants a divorce, I will support in that too. Cheating and staying in marriage...I don't think it will work. I will say that to my friend for sure. there is no way I am going to tell my friend's partner about the cheating, unless my friend really wants that.
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September 27, 2009 10:05 PM
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Since this just happened to me, I feel qualified to answer. I think if someone is your best friend and they are cheating on their partner, you should intervene and at least present to them the devastating effects it can have on their partner's life much less the children. It all came at me in one fell, blindsided swoop, and it left a huge hole in my heart; that of which I even wonder if something like that ever will heal. Maybe if his best friend had sat him down and outlined the possible scenario focusing on the eventual fallout, perhaps the relationship and marriage could have been salvaged. Now the affair is over, but so is the marriage.
There are no easy ways to tell someone what to do, and essentially we are all responsible for our own actions, but listening to my spouse now and how sorry he is, might very well have avoided some of this pain had his best friend clued him in.
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There are no easy ways to tell someone what to do, and essentially we are all responsible for our own actions, but listening to my spouse now and how sorry he is, might very well have avoided some of this pain had his best friend clued him in.
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September 28, 2009 12:18 AM
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I think the proper thing to do is to be open and honest with my friend. I would point out the possible consequences of their choices and the effects this could have on their spouse. I would not tell the spouse. My loyalties are to my friend not his/her spouse, to be a good friend, make suggestions, etc. Should my friend get caught they will at least know that they were warned. In the future my opinion may hold more value. In other words if I can't help a situation, I try at least not to make it worse!
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September 28, 2009 03:51 AM
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Well first, you should put yourself in this situation. If you were that person getting cheated on, would you want to know?
This is a difficult decision because this is your best friend and you dont want to cause problems in this friendship let alone problems with the significant other. However, this is a question about your integrity and your belief. Of course it is wrong to cheat on a spouse, especially if they are married.
Now this is my opinion! I strongly believe that if you should tell your friend and his wife. This may end a friendship, but you know you could be honest with yourself. It may also help your friend really see how important vowels should be honored and respected.
This could end in either a positive manner or negative manner, but putting yourself in the spouses position may help you realize how she may be feeling.
Goodluck
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This is a difficult decision because this is your best friend and you dont want to cause problems in this friendship let alone problems with the significant other. However, this is a question about your integrity and your belief. Of course it is wrong to cheat on a spouse, especially if they are married.
Now this is my opinion! I strongly believe that if you should tell your friend and his wife. This may end a friendship, but you know you could be honest with yourself. It may also help your friend really see how important vowels should be honored and respected.
This could end in either a positive manner or negative manner, but putting yourself in the spouses position may help you realize how she may be feeling.
Goodluck
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September 28, 2009 08:45 AM
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well of-course as he is my best friend I will suggest him not to continue this and be faithful to his life partner. I will do this not only once but atleast 4-5 times. If he still persists what he is doing than I will quit and let him take the decision.
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