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Your boyfriend/girlfriend tells you he/she had better in bed? What do you do?
Are you instantly hurt and leave? Or do you ask for tips on improvement?
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November 20, 2009 08:32 PM
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I'd admit that so have I. Unless I haven't, of course.
If the comment was made in a gentle and supportive manner, ask them to teach you what would make you the best to them. But keep in mind that if you get with someone else, they're likely to also like different things and may think that your techniques learned for the last person aren't very good either.
I'd make sure the comment wasn't intended to be funny (some people are horrible at comedy) or challenging in a sexy way. Your being sensitive about the comment doesn't make it an inappropriate one.
But if you or your partner is expressing actual dissatisfaction the easiest and fastest solution is to find someone to be with that they're more compatible with.
If you feel the comment is a fair assessment and want to do something about it, there are seminars you can go to (there are more women's seminars than men's) to learn how to be and feel more sexy and talented in the bedroom. Some people learn from reading a book.
I recommend "The Lover Within" by Julie Henderson. And "ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm" by Alan P. Brauer, Donna J. Brauer. Keep in mind though, even if your partner considers themselves to be experts in bed, both of these books will put them to shame. Good sexual partnerships requires two (at least). Working on learning these things together just makes it even more fun.
So, read "The Lover Within" to learn better techniques between relationships. "ESO" for serious/committed partners. For casual interests and exploration many people have benefitted from exploring the Kama Sutra together.
http://kamasutra101.com/uploads/kama-sutra.jpg
If the comment was made in a gentle and supportive manner, ask them to teach you what would make you the best to them. But keep in mind that if you get with someone else, they're likely to also like different things and may think that your techniques learned for the last person aren't very good either.
I'd make sure the comment wasn't intended to be funny (some people are horrible at comedy) or challenging in a sexy way. Your being sensitive about the comment doesn't make it an inappropriate one.
But if you or your partner is expressing actual dissatisfaction the easiest and fastest solution is to find someone to be with that they're more compatible with.
If you feel the comment is a fair assessment and want to do something about it, there are seminars you can go to (there are more women's seminars than men's) to learn how to be and feel more sexy and talented in the bedroom. Some people learn from reading a book.
I recommend "The Lover Within" by Julie Henderson. And "ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm" by Alan P. Brauer, Donna J. Brauer. Keep in mind though, even if your partner considers themselves to be experts in bed, both of these books will put them to shame. Good sexual partnerships requires two (at least). Working on learning these things together just makes it even more fun.
So, read "The Lover Within" to learn better techniques between relationships. "ESO" for serious/committed partners. For casual interests and exploration many people have benefitted from exploring the Kama Sutra together.
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November 17, 2009 07:04 PM
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My initial reaction would actually likely be anger. That's just how I am, typical Sagittarius fiery and furious but fast to fade. Chances are they'd get a "go back to her then" and a slew of unkind words I'd likely regret saying later after I caused them to leave.
Secondary for me would be the hurt, probably a bit of insecurity. That's one of those things that just shouldn't be said to a mate. Course hurt and insecurity last for shorter durations than anger even for me.
Finally I probably would look to improve. Hard to say if I would be able to humble myself enough to ask the boyfriend that said it for suggestions, but I would seek improvement.
Unfortunately unless it was already a deep relationship something like that would likely drown my fire of interest and end the relationship.
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Secondary for me would be the hurt, probably a bit of insecurity. That's one of those things that just shouldn't be said to a mate. Course hurt and insecurity last for shorter durations than anger even for me.
Finally I probably would look to improve. Hard to say if I would be able to humble myself enough to ask the boyfriend that said it for suggestions, but I would seek improvement.
Unfortunately unless it was already a deep relationship something like that would likely drown my fire of interest and end the relationship.
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November 18, 2009 05:44 AM
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My initial reaction would be anger, followed by residual emotional pain, especially if he blurted it out so bluntly, concluding with curiosity.
I would then begin to interrogate him as to why he waited to tell me, I'd ask if she was better than me in all sexual aspects; if his answers convinced me that his comment was genuine I would have to reflect upon the subject matter in order to arrive at a conclusion. It may be that it is attributable only to me, or that we are merely not sexually compatible, especially if prior partners have never expressed nor demonstrated such an opinion of me.
Based on that I would determine whether to work on the issue or move on.
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I would then begin to interrogate him as to why he waited to tell me, I'd ask if she was better than me in all sexual aspects; if his answers convinced me that his comment was genuine I would have to reflect upon the subject matter in order to arrive at a conclusion. It may be that it is attributable only to me, or that we are merely not sexually compatible, especially if prior partners have never expressed nor demonstrated such an opinion of me.
Based on that I would determine whether to work on the issue or move on.
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November 18, 2009 03:13 PM
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Has he said it before or was this the first time? does he satisify you? Is he getting board? Did he say it to hurt you? So what im leaning towards is when a conversation like that comes up what else is going on? I have never been so rude as to complain about the time i have been intimate with my wife. Their are things which i would like to change but compairing former lovers to a current lovers is never a good idea. It shows immaturity and poor judgement. I dont think taking advise about improving your sex from him would be a good thing. You would be better off getting tips from a book.
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November 19, 2009 02:14 AM
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I'd tell him to go be with the better then. Even if it were meant to be harmless, there are better ways of saying it that would motivate me to want to be better. Just making the statement though is not helpful.
And further, I'd let them know that I've had better looking, more money and smarter. Just to make it even;)
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And further, I'd let them know that I've had better looking, more money and smarter. Just to make it even;)
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November 23, 2009 08:30 PM
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No lover should ever compare a current lover to a past one, and especially when it comes to sex--it's hurtful and causes insecurity. Anyone who does make comparisons is likely being unkind and selfish, even if they're trying to seem encouraging and supportive. After all, the only person who has anything to "gain" (and I use the term loosely) by telling his or her partner that they've had better in bed is the person doing the telling. Anyone with a modicum of sensitivity toward the other person's feelings is going to keep that comparison to his- or herself. It takes two to have satisfying sex, after all, and improving performance is something a couple can work on together if they're not "clicking."
If my lover told me he'd had better in bed I'd likely consider any other times he's been insensitive toward my feelings to get a complete picture. If insensitivity is a theme, then I'd definitely think about moving on to someone who shows at least some ability to empathize.
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If my lover told me he'd had better in bed I'd likely consider any other times he's been insensitive toward my feelings to get a complete picture. If insensitivity is a theme, then I'd definitely think about moving on to someone who shows at least some ability to empathize.
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