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thebandit thebandit

You're on your spouse's computer and open up the Internet browser when you see pornography. Do you consider this a problem? What do you do?

It's in plain view; you didn't go looking through the history or anything.
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prncjames
prncjames
Marked as Best! October 14, 2009 12:00 AM
Hmm. My wife actually likes porn and sometimes wants to watch it with me. Which is interesting because knowing that she likes porn I actually rarely ever watch it (twice a year maybe). Reverse psychology for sure.

Anyways, in this case if it's actually porn that they put there--and not just a random popup or something that you could have mistaken for having been mislead to believe it was "theirs"--then it's perhaps a part of their life that they aren't sharing with you. Even just a small part. It's not that big of a deal but perhaps you should just communicate more with them.

I used to always hear how important communication was before I got married (I've been married 7 years now, very happily), but it wasn't until going through a few years of marriage that I realized complete 100% honest communication and openness is the only true key to a solid relationship. That goes for any relationship too.

So my advice to you would be to just get it in the open right away and say: "Hey I was using your computer and happened to see this porn..." fact and then ask your question to THEM. "Is this something I should be concerned about?" "Do you think we could spice up our sex life some more?" et cetera. And If they won't communicate back to you with that same level of honest; or if you won't, then perhaps you need to consider a new relationship. No joke, let's not kid ourselves.

Anyway that just my input, do with it what you will,

James.
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unwirklich
unwirklich
October 13, 2009 07:17 PM
I don't like porn and my husband is well aware of it. I feel it degrades women, and cheapens the concept of love. if he wants sex why doesn't he just come to me?.. is my mind frame.

However, I also recognize that he is a man and now that we have children we can't just "do it" whenever we please. In that sense he's meeting his needs in a manner that doesn't dishonor or betray me.

So I wouldn't consider it a problem. I may say, Hey, dude the kid could have seen that! Don't leave it up, but little more.
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kineticcut...
kineticcut...
October 13, 2009 08:39 PM
If it's your wife then you ask if she wants to get down on a threesome.
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puka
puka
October 13, 2009 10:32 PM
If your sex life is ok then no, but if he/she's been holding out then yes.
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dsaldridge
dsaldridge
October 13, 2009 11:11 PM
Men are visual creatures. They are aroused by what they see more than how they feel about someone. Someone once said that men use love to get sex,and women use sex to get love. Most of the time, a man looking at porn means nothing except that he's looking at porn. It's not a threat to your marriage.

That being said, if your husband knows that you disapprove, you would have to wonder why he left it up there for anyone to see. Was he interrupted? Did he sneak in the middle of the night to do this? Does he do other things, like go to strip clubs, or spend money he can't account for? If so, he may have a problem with porn.

But why were you on your spouse's computer in the first place? Do you have unrestricted access to it, or is it his private computer that he expects no one else to ever see?

If the latter is the case, there is more of a problem, I think, with the invasion of his privacy than there is with him having porn on the screen. If someone went onto my private computer without my permission, and then wanted to know why I was looking at porn, I would be angry.

If you did nothing wrong, just talk to him. If you trespassed on his private domain, I'd let it go.
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cmajaski
cmajaski
October 13, 2009 11:24 PM
If you think your spouse may be addicted to porn than it may be a problem. Signs like they spend more time on the computer than doing anything else, misses work, is sneaking around or is spending a ton of money on the habit.

http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-know-when-your-partner-is-addicted-to-porn

Otherwise, I don't feel like a little porn hurt anyone. If you personally don't like it maybe mention that it just popped up, or consider watching it with him/her.
Source(s):
http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-know-when-your-partner-is-addicted-to-porn
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lostsnconf...
lostsnconf...
October 14, 2009 03:36 AM
haha cool question. Well honestly, i would just laugh and look at what he was looking at. I mean if you have a problem with him looking at porn, maybe you should talk to your partner. Looking at porn is never a bad thing. Maybe theres something there that he likes or wants to try that the both of you haven't tried together yet. Look at it as a positive thing. It's totally normal. I would catch my bf watching porn at times, i think its funny, its not bad. I try to just laugh about it and ask him to show me what hes watching. I want to know what types of videos he watches. I think its a really great thing to talk to each other about. It may be a little weird at first, but you'll get use to it. It may spice up the relationship as well.
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anmagi
anmagi
October 14, 2009 06:40 AM
I don't think it is a problem. Men like porn, well I am a woman and I like porn. It has nothing to do with you. I would ignore it, it is his own business.
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kinogirl
kinogirl
October 14, 2009 12:28 PM
Yes, especially if you have children in the home. If this is something you don't approve of, of course it's a problem and if it's being paid for it's defintly a problem.
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