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antonerich antoneric...

Should I help my cousin that is loosing there house?

My cousin seams to have money troubles. There going to loose there house but they have nicer cars large cell phone bill and have like every cable channel. I have a cheap car and only have cable internet and no cell phone (i have one from work). I use rabbit ears for TV.

I'm thinking he needs to tighten his belt before I can really help, what do you think?
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samid
samid
Marked as Best! October 06, 2009 03:38 PM
I would not offer him money, however, I would offer him a place to stay if and when he does lose his home, setting healthy boundaries along the way of course. Life works in very mysterious ways and losing that house may end up being the best thing that ever happens to him and his family, especially if he's having a hard time giving up a certain "lifestyle." He may need a wake-up call and this may be the perfect opportunity for him to get one. He may end up finding that, without all the distractions, he and his family will become more close-knit and actually have a lot of fun.

Be positive toward him about the transition. Don't be shaming, as he will already feel that way to begin with. Don't be an enabler, but do offer non-monetary help with a set of requests you expect to be upheld by he and his family.
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antonerich
antonerich
October 08, 2009 07:06 PM
I will help them him find an apartment but don't want him to move if I can help it
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mathieujac...
mathieujac...
October 05, 2009 11:24 PM
A lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with a low-budget lifestyle. There's no sense in giving him free shelter if he's sitting on the equivalent of a years rent in budget expenses. Let him figure out his priorities, he shouldn't get to flaunt his highend lifestyle and get a bail out just before he goes broke from it. With that being said, when he's broke (if he's broke) and without a nice car or a cellphone bill or a house or any television, he's still your family and he'll really need any help he can get. Give him a couch and a call to the welfare office.
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antonerich
antonerich
October 05, 2009 11:39 PM
I was thinking the same thing, because if I help him he may become depend.
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jkepler
jkepler
October 05, 2009 11:24 PM
Foreclosure only creates losers. No one wins - not even the lenders. And half the time the new buyer doesn't win either because they have to fix up a trashed house so they only break even at the end of the day.

Does this house have any equity? I think you might have an opportunity to help your cousin out here, but only if he agrees to cut out the excess and lower his bills. You can offer to help him out, but only in exchange for an equity stake of the house. Either that, or be his second mortgage and get your name on the deed.
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antonerich
antonerich
October 05, 2009 11:54 PM
Yes I see what your saying but he is a very cheep up with the jones type. Is it ok to demand that they do what I say to get the money?
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jkepler
jkepler
October 06, 2009 05:24 AM
Hey antonerich. DEFINITELY. Make as many demands as you need to make to feel comfortable. He's not in the position to negotiate.
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skwerly
skwerly
October 06, 2009 02:54 AM
My vote is this: they spent the money and acted irresponsibly to get themselves into the mess they are in. If they never suffer for their bad decisions, how will they ever learn a lesson? Any CHILD knows that there are repercussions to acting irresponsibly; it's time the adults learned that, too!
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antonerich
antonerich
October 06, 2009 03:00 AM
I want to help but your right they need to at responsibly
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momojet
momojet
October 07, 2009 05:02 AM
They need to revise their financial situation right away. Selling the nicer cars for more economical models, switching cellphone plans or using a pay as you go phone, and cutting out all the cable channels to just basic. You are correct that he needs to "tighten his belt". Also the golden rule to remember is when it comes to family there is no such thing as "loan". If you help, make sure you do not need the money now or in the future. They are having financial hardship, so repaying loans are not going to be their top priority, especially to family.
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antonerich
antonerich
October 08, 2009 07:06 PM
True true
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dnatureofd...
dnatureofd...
October 07, 2009 08:56 AM
I think You should suggest for him to talk to a banking officer or advisor..
They should be able to sit down and help him decide a budgeting plan he could use.. If you do decide to help him. Make sure you do so in a way that you are not falling into the hole with him, and if you are able to I recommend going to the bank with him to hand the money over in a check or cash and be present to make sure the money you gave to him for his house is going straight to that... Also help him realise that if he loses his house he will have all this stuff that he may end up leaving their or losing with it.. He'll have to sell off some of his fancy toys at least temporarily.. to raise his budget issue.

Hand outs help only short term.. Encourage better budgeting skills, encourage and recommend all the little ways of earning money that you know.. Including things like mahalo.. A little can go along way.. especially after they learn to bank it and earn a little interest on it.. I been looking at things I own that can be replaced.. Those items are the ones I will sell.. I recommend anyone in financial trouble to do that too sell the stuff you can replace at a later date.. that is not needed.. Bank the money... Take it just what is needed to pay off debts.. and allow the interest to grow.. after the debts are paid you can use the interest to rebuy those items that can be replaced.. and keep money in the bank in case something else happens... or decide you do not want to replace the item and keep money in the bank..
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