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Do you tell your Father that you feel jealousy and cheated about the life your half brother had after your parents divorced?
The life you had with your mother was hard and sad. No money no extras very little happiness.
The life your half brother had with your father and his new wife, was amazing with cruises and trips and college. You know this only because your father (after 18 years of no contact) came to see you after you were married and had children. He brought pictures and all his wonderful memories to share with you and your children. He did not come back for another 10 years when you went looking for him again.
Do you confess to your father that you feel cheated or would it serve no purpose?
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The life your half brother had with your father and his new wife, was amazing with cruises and trips and college. You know this only because your father (after 18 years of no contact) came to see you after you were married and had children. He brought pictures and all his wonderful memories to share with you and your children. He did not come back for another 10 years when you went looking for him again.
Do you confess to your father that you feel cheated or would it serve no purpose?
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October 13, 2009 11:36 AM
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So during the last 28 years, this is the second contact? Wow.
I would have confronted him the first time (when he showed up with pictures after 18 years). I would have confronted him with the hurtful and obvious disparity between his new family's affluence and the struggles and hardship that he left behind so carelessly.
Ten years later I would still confront him with it, and I would not soft-sell it. Here is a man who could have made an important difference in the lives of his own child and the mother of his child, yet he ignored them as if they did not exist while he went along his merry way providing luxuries for his "new" family.
He had a responsibility to provide for the life that he brought into this world (you), and he ignored it. Apparently he still feels no shame.
You ask what purpose it will serve. No-one can predict the future, but I would say it may serve the following two purposes.
First, he is confronted with the consequences of his actions. When you bring children into the world and abandon them to a life of hardship while you flourish with a second family, they resent you for it. He has earned that resentment, he deserves to be confronted with it. It is one small bit of justice.
Second, you may feel better about standing up for yourself and getting it off your chest. You have earned that and you deserve it. It is another small bit of justice.
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I would have confronted him the first time (when he showed up with pictures after 18 years). I would have confronted him with the hurtful and obvious disparity between his new family's affluence and the struggles and hardship that he left behind so carelessly.
Ten years later I would still confront him with it, and I would not soft-sell it. Here is a man who could have made an important difference in the lives of his own child and the mother of his child, yet he ignored them as if they did not exist while he went along his merry way providing luxuries for his "new" family.
He had a responsibility to provide for the life that he brought into this world (you), and he ignored it. Apparently he still feels no shame.
You ask what purpose it will serve. No-one can predict the future, but I would say it may serve the following two purposes.
First, he is confronted with the consequences of his actions. When you bring children into the world and abandon them to a life of hardship while you flourish with a second family, they resent you for it. He has earned that resentment, he deserves to be confronted with it. It is one small bit of justice.
Second, you may feel better about standing up for yourself and getting it off your chest. You have earned that and you deserve it. It is another small bit of justice.
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October 13, 2009 11:50 AM
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I would ask for the help of a professional psychologist to work through this.
The person in this scenario has some deeply rooted issues that should be first confronted internally and then with people in the world such as the Mother, Father and Brother.
Many people choose to ignore issues like these. They will think that talking about them "won't change anything, so why try". However these issues work almost subconsciously to form the path of our lives. Often, after confronting and resolving issues, people not only feel better about themselves but their entire lives become better.
Often, the best place to find a psychologist is through a recommendation by your medical doctor. However, friends or family members may also be able to provide a recommendation as well. It's important for this person to receive even a little bit of help with these issues. His or her life could be significantly improved by working through them with someone who has knowledge and experience with situations like these.
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The person in this scenario has some deeply rooted issues that should be first confronted internally and then with people in the world such as the Mother, Father and Brother.
Many people choose to ignore issues like these. They will think that talking about them "won't change anything, so why try". However these issues work almost subconsciously to form the path of our lives. Often, after confronting and resolving issues, people not only feel better about themselves but their entire lives become better.
Often, the best place to find a psychologist is through a recommendation by your medical doctor. However, friends or family members may also be able to provide a recommendation as well. It's important for this person to receive even a little bit of help with these issues. His or her life could be significantly improved by working through them with someone who has knowledge and experience with situations like these.
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