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How do you tell your adult sone that he needs Anger management classes?

He gets so annoyed so quickly. He is not violent he is just loud and argumentative lately. Always getting mad at everything.
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Marked as Best! November 06, 2009 02:46 PM
Is this the same son that got arrested? I would talk to the prosecutor and ask if it couldn't be a part of my son's sentence. The courts can mandate anger management classes.

You have to be careful if you decide to talk to him. He is angry and has a potential to flare up at anyone including you. You don't want to say or do anything that will cause him to fall into his angry pit.
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November 06, 2009 11:10 AM
I assume that reasoning with him is not an option, as I've seen the occasional family member or friend go through similar circumstances. I myself have been known to get belligerent with little or no provocation a time or two in my life. If you can ever get them to hear how they sound, it might help. Sometimes somebody would say i sounded just like my Dad, and that would make me think because my Dad had this great big booming outdoor voice, because he worked outside all day. Well that was fine for the back forty, not so much fun at the dinner table "PASS THE ROLLS PLEASE" (geez dad, could you turn down the volume?).

Another tactic might be to get one of his outbursts on video and ask him to watch it. That can be a real eye opening experience, as he may not fully understand how far this has progressed.

Another idea would be to refuse to deal with him until he gets help. Tel him "I love you, but I am not going to talk to you until you get help with this problem. I miss the old you, and when he comes back, I'll come back and talk to him."

Some folks have had success by just leaving the room (or house) every time the offender gets loud, and coming back another day. Don't say anything, just leave, or maybe you could say, "OK, I'm leaving now."
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November 09, 2009 04:06 PM
There was an audio recording made and he realized how argumentative he has been being. He is seeking help today.
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November 09, 2009 05:05 PM
That's good to know. Hopefully he will begin making progress.
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November 07, 2009 08:54 AM
Perhaps the personality changes which are causing him to be very annoyed and argumentative quickly is psychical or a mental health issue. In either case, the person needs to be stopped, before the violence escalates.

My ex husband had some personality changes that caused him to be argumentative quickly; it was shortly before he was diagnosed as being bipolar. I have a teenage son doing similar things, but on a much smaller scale but I think it is just pressures of being a teenage and heading into adulthood.

I would suggest that you tell him, he needs help to control those issues and until he gets the help that, you are off limits for anything. Stick to your guns, and this person will seek the help if he wants you in his life.

Help can come in the form of mental health counseling, anger management or counseling that finds the route of the problem.
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November 09, 2009 04:03 PM
thank you so much :) he is making an appointment today to get some help.
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September 05, 2011 02:56 AM
Hi, this of course depends on how your son feels about you. If you are in a good relationship and you are an authority in his life then it is always best to address the issue in the following way: Instead of critizing him and giving advice, say this: "Son, I'm very upset by seeing you angry so often and making clumsy mistakes. It upsets me and saddens me... how can I help?"

This will open up a conversation about him but it he won't feel like its focused on him - its very important here. Once you open a conversation about it he'll be more open minded to your suggestion for him to look into his anger issues. Its a big step but be brave.

Even better, learn more about anger yourself, this way you'll understand the beast you're dealing with. http://angermentor.com
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