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How would you deal with a teenager who is using emotional blackmail against you as a parent?
Your teenager does something she knows is against the rules and she knows that that she's about to get "caught". She confesses before you find out through other means and, in hopes of deflecting punishment, she asks/says "Do you still love me? Please love me?" It's total emotional blackmail. She knows that you love her. She knows that you always will. How would you deal with this type of behavior?
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October 29, 2009 05:34 AM
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I tell them that love has nothing to do with being in trouble for doing the wrong thing.
My response would be "Yes I love you and you love me and yes you'll still love me after being punished because I punish you to teach you to do the right thing and be responsible"
Then give out the punishment, smile sweetly and ask in return "Do you still love me?" "I'm only trying to do my best for you"
In other words, send the sarcasm and emotional blackmail back!
Oh, cruel but fair. At that age they should know better !
My response would be "Yes I love you and you love me and yes you'll still love me after being punished because I punish you to teach you to do the right thing and be responsible"
Then give out the punishment, smile sweetly and ask in return "Do you still love me?" "I'm only trying to do my best for you"
In other words, send the sarcasm and emotional blackmail back!
Oh, cruel but fair. At that age they should know better !
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• Thank you for your answer! Mirroring their behavior seems just to me.
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October 29, 2009 08:42 AM
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My response to her:
"Yes Honey, I'm glad you realize how important it is that I love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care if you broke the rules, and I wouldn't care if you NEVER learned to follow rules. But since I love you so much, I have to teach you about consequences, even though it hurts us both. I don't want to make you unhappy, but because I love you I have to teach you that rules are made to be followed. You see, in a few years you will drive off to college and then on into your own life. If you haven't learned to follow rules, you will get traffic tickets and fines, you will lose your license and maybe go to jail. You will fail out of college or be kicked out for not following rules, and you will not be able to keep a job, all because I didn't teach you that breaking the rules brings consequences. So because I still love you, I have to punish you for breaking rules, because honey, everyone else in your life is going to do exactly the same thing, only their punishments will be much worse and more devastating, so the sooner you learn this, the easier it will be for you."
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"Yes Honey, I'm glad you realize how important it is that I love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care if you broke the rules, and I wouldn't care if you NEVER learned to follow rules. But since I love you so much, I have to teach you about consequences, even though it hurts us both. I don't want to make you unhappy, but because I love you I have to teach you that rules are made to be followed. You see, in a few years you will drive off to college and then on into your own life. If you haven't learned to follow rules, you will get traffic tickets and fines, you will lose your license and maybe go to jail. You will fail out of college or be kicked out for not following rules, and you will not be able to keep a job, all because I didn't teach you that breaking the rules brings consequences. So because I still love you, I have to punish you for breaking rules, because honey, everyone else in your life is going to do exactly the same thing, only their punishments will be much worse and more devastating, so the sooner you learn this, the easier it will be for you."
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October 29, 2009 01:50 PM
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My answer may bring some debate b/c I am not a conventional parent but I will always answer honestly so,the first thing out of my mouth would be "cut the bull" followed by my "you know I love you but I am not here to be your BFF, I am here to be your parent and make sure you grow up to be a productive citizen instead of the bum on the corner by Wal-mart, so knock it off and get your self together or were gonna have big problems and you will be grounded until you graduate if you pull a stunt like that again. you feel me?" speech.
My first experience with emotional blackmail was when my son was about 5 and did the " I don't love you" and the "You don't love me" thing he didn't get his way. It worked ONCE for ONE child. Now, I am like "Eh". If you hand them that power they will use it. Your kids KNOW you love them. Better yet, YOU know yours kids love you. Loving your kids does not mean being a doormat or a sucker. It is about hard choices and tough love, a shoulder to lean on and a ear to listen when needed. The punishment should remain the same no matter how you found out she disobeyed the rules. Period.
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My first experience with emotional blackmail was when my son was about 5 and did the " I don't love you" and the "You don't love me" thing he didn't get his way. It worked ONCE for ONE child. Now, I am like "Eh". If you hand them that power they will use it. Your kids KNOW you love them. Better yet, YOU know yours kids love you. Loving your kids does not mean being a doormat or a sucker. It is about hard choices and tough love, a shoulder to lean on and a ear to listen when needed. The punishment should remain the same no matter how you found out she disobeyed the rules. Period.
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October 30, 2009 12:12 AM
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I would say the proof of my love for them would be shown in the punishment. By trying to mold them into a better person,you are subjecting yourself to their drama. Explain if you didn't love them you wouldn't try to show them how to behave.
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