In my state, it crosses the line into abuse then the mark is not transient (does not fade within a few minutes) and/or the child experiences lasting pain. It is also abuse if any injury is caused (break, sprain, etc). Under those guidelines, I would say a slap that leaves a temporary red mark is not abuse. I personally wouldn't strike a child in that manner, but I wouldn't tell a parent they are committing abuse if they did so.

The only exception I can think of is if the child takes the strike to mean that further, more extensive, punishment is coming. If the parent uses the slap as a warning that causes fear of greater harm, I would say it is abuse.

It wold depend why the child was slapped and how often this sort of thing was done.

If my child said to me (excuse profanity here) "Fuck you mom, you're a whore" which I have actually heard kids as young as 6 or so say things such as this, You bet I would slap him and hard. Do I think that would be abusive of me? No. He would be way over the line and in need of a good shock back to reality.

I think it crosses into abuse if the slapping is being done for little to no reason on a regular basis such as maybe as I'm sitting here typing my son is in fact reaching up and pressing buttons in a rather obnoxious manner (yes he is) if I just slapped him, and did so every time he did this (which is pretty much any time I'm at the computer) that would be abuse in my book. I'm not trying to teach him anything or better his behavior. I would just be annoyed at him and be hitting him out of that annoyance. That's just bad parenting and in my book abuse.

My son, one time, talked back to me very rudely, and I popped him in the mouth. It wasn't a hard pop, not to really inflict pain, but it was a pop, and it stunned him. It was controlled, and I didn't do it out of 'anger', per se, but more out of discipline.

I haven't done it since. Haven't needed to.

Where the line between abuse and discipline is drawn is iffy, wishy washy, and changes constantly.

My mom used to have a 3" wide white leather belt hanging on the closet in the hallway to spank us with. I can't even imagine anything a child would do bad enough to warrant that, where that type of a spanking really would make an impact.

All it did for me was make me angry and want to hide my rebellion better - and *I* was a GOOD kid... a really good kid.

Yes it is demoralizing.

A quick swat on the behind or a slap on the hand to protect a child, a child about to touch a hot stove for example, has an immediate and real reason behind the action. Even a general spanking if it isn't vicious or humilating has good reasons at times.

But a slap across the face is humiliating.

A slap across the face has different connotations and associations. It is almost as if the adult is telling the child, " I don't like you." For a child that can feel devastating.

Even with adults it is sometimes the ultimate rejection. Think about a woman slapping a man who is too forward. It is saying, "Go away. I don't want you around. Leave me alone."

Kids do sometimes make those kind of associations with actions like that. I did.

I know from experience that leaving any mark on a child is considered child abuse, at least in Indiana! This is what I was told by a welfare worker many years ago. I had slapped my stepson (about 11 yo at the time) for screaming and swearing at me. He'd been a butthead all day, purposely trying to provoke me and finally pushed too far. He ran down to the police station and I was arrested.

But here's the irony: We found out later that his mom had put him up to it! He thought he'd get to live with mom again, but she had no phone and his grandma had a new phone number so the police couldn't reach either of them. Instead, the boy got put in a foster home, where he stayed the next nine months. He wasn't allowed to come to our house or have any contact with me; his dad had to have supervised visitation because he hadn't "protected" the boy from me.

(Of course, even though he admitted that he provoked me deliberately, they didn't let me off the hook. Once those folks have their claws into you they won't let go, even if it's a borderline case.)

On the other hand, I spend one night in jail and had to take parenting classes and of course pay a bunch of money in court costs. The other kids (my son and two stepdaughters) laughed when I told them I had to take parenting classes! They said I didn't need them; I was a good mom.

A few years later, the boy came back to live with us because his mom and grandma couldn't handle him. He treated me with more respect than he did his own mom and grandma, never talked back to me, and we got along just fine.

I know that there are better ways to deal with children than slapping them, but children want to know that the adults who care for them are willing to set limits on their behavior. I sure drew the line for him, and I'd do it again for any other child in this family. They know it, too, so I haven't had to slap anyone since then.

This is a very tricky question. My initial gut reaction was to say, most definitely slapping a child on the face is abuse, but then I started thinking about the issue further.

I recall my mother once slapping me in the mouth when I was 11 years old, I was very upset and uttered a very profane and hurtful phrase at her. She reacted immediately by slapping me in the face. It shocked me, she had never done that before, then she started crying. To this day it makes me want to cry, not due to the slap she gave me, but for remembering the look of sadness in my mom's eyes due what I had said. I remember she felt guilty about it afterwards, she even apologized to me for doing it, but I think in that circumstance I really deserved it.

So unless it is clearly evident that the slap is an act of displaced anger and violence on the part of the parent, or if it's physically severe, or if it's chronic in its repetitiveness, I can only say that one should hold back on the automatic inclination to label it as abuse, at least review the entire circumstances of the scenario first. Each case I'm sure would be unique.

PS- I received a few spankings as a child, but that was my one and only slap.

Yes, It is abuse.

I have another view of this.

I believe that striking a child (No matter how or with how much force), should never occur.
If you are commanding enough of respect with children, they will in turn respect you back.

No child deserves to be struck in anyway , would you hit your pet ? Would you slap a baby ?

Think about it from the childs perspective. They rely on you for guidance from the time they are born.
What does slapping a child or spanking a child teach them ? What could you possibly accomplish ?

I believe it is abuse , and taboo.

Kind Regards,
@XDS

I think slapping can be abuse but it also depends on who you are using it. My mom slapped me one time it was out of anger but I think she felt worse about it then I did. I have a 2 year old, and I'm very structured when it comes to discipline with him. He gets 3 no's, on the third no he gets taken from the situation and if he goes back to it then he gets popped on the hand or butt, NEVER hard enough to leave a mark. Most of the time when I get up after saying no, he stops I don’t have to pop him. If it is something that can really hurt him I say no once and if he doesn’t listen then he gets popped on the hand. I never have hit him in the face; I think it’s inappropriate with very young children to do that. I think that some one that uses slapping or popping in the face as a consistent form of discipline is just wrong, I know I wouldn’t want to be slapped in the face. Mind you my parents spanked me and I think it’s ok because they never did it in anger. Now to tell you what slapping in the face does to small children, I'm sure my ex has been slapping our son in the face, he went away for a week and came back very aggressive, and if I did something that he didn’t like He would hit me in the face, point his finger and tell me no! A child that young picks up very bad things like that, After a week of him being back I started to get him back to normal, a lot less aggression and no hitting. Your kids will mimic what you do. You can have your kids respect without having to slap them or spank them all the time or have them scared of you. I do believe that children need boundaries and they need to know that if they over step them that there is consequences for their actions, but that can be done without slapping them in the face.

I am dealing with this situation right now. My step-son talks back to me constantly and disrespects me. His mother hates me and is constantly telling him to not listen to me, that I'm a bad person and what not. 2 weeks ago he talked back to me and without thinking I reached out and slapped him on the mouth. It wasn't even hard enough to leave a mark. I immediately regretted my actions and him and I sat down and talked it out. He understand that I was extremely hurt by his 2 years of constant disrespect and I reacted out of emotion. We ended the weekend on a good note, went to get ice cream and sent him off to his mom. NOW, she is refusing to send the kids here and wants to file a protection from abuse against me and take the kids away from their dad because of this action. Apparently now the kids say they are scared for their lives when they here, which is BEYOND ridiculous. This is not the first incident where their mom has tried to pull this. About 6 months ago my step-daughter had worked herself into a frenzy of emotion and was hurting herself - pulling her hair, slapping her face, clawing her face - and I had to tap her on the cheek to get her to snap out of it. I did it to startle her. If I could have reached her butt I would have, but she was on the top bunk and spazzing out, and had just kicked me in the face. Needless to say, her mom called DHHS and lied about a bruise on her face. DHHS came here and met with me and my partner and the conclusion was that the kids were in no harm, I was a great mom, and that given the situation it was an appropriate reaction. The DHHS worker actually stated that it was obviously a case of a vindictive ex-wife and that he thought her actions were screwing up the kids (who have emotional and behavioral issues that she refused to take care of or even admit to). After this the kids finally got the emotional and behavioral counseling they need, but now their mom has turned it into abuse counseling and tells the kids to discuss our house only. They are terrified of their mother (because she is insane) and refuse to talk to the counselors about the continue emotional abuse at her house. With this new incident, she is convinced they are in harms way here. HOWEVER, my step-sons counselor agreed that the slap was out of discipline and stated that he even told her that it wasn't hard and that he didn't think I abused him. She had to report it to DHHS because it's her job, but told us that they were not concerned about this and they weren't going to look into it further. Yet their mother is still refusing to send the kids here and is telling them we hate them. I am a mother myself, I have 2 wonderful children. I have spanked them. They are great kids. No emotional or behavioral problems, both very smart, and both VERY respectful to adults and others. It is obvious I am a good mother when you meet my kids. I have only been in my step kids lives for 2 years, but I have realized they are the complete opposite of my kids. They disrespect everyone, refuse to own up to their actions, and have severe emotional and behavioral issues. Now their mom blames this on me, even though they were like this when I met them. The boy is aggressive at school towards his peers, he yells at and talks back to his teacher and the principal, and he throws things at them. This is why we wanted him in counseling, but his mother insists its my 2 days a week with him that is causing this and now she states its because I'm abusive. However, she is very disrespectful to people, telling them that their dad doesn't love them because he doesn't buy them something every weekend, or grounds them when they are bad. She talks s--t about their teachers, their grand-parents (NOT her parents), their uncles, their cousins, their friends....Yet my slapping him once across the face 2 weeks ago has made him disrespectful and unruly since he was 2 (long before I knew him).