In my state, it crosses the line into abuse then the mark is not transient (does not fade within a few minutes) and/or the child experiences lasting pain. It is also abuse if any injury is caused (break, sprain, etc). Under those guidelines, I would say a slap that leaves a temporary red mark is not abuse. I personally wouldn't strike a child in that manner, but I wouldn't tell a parent they are committing abuse if they did so.

The only exception I can think of is if the child takes the strike to mean that further, more extensive, punishment is coming. If the parent uses the slap as a warning that causes fear of greater harm, I would say it is abuse.

It wold depend why the child was slapped and how often this sort of thing was done.

If my child said to me (excuse profanity here) "Fuck you mom, you're a whore" which I have actually heard kids as young as 6 or so say things such as this, You bet I would slap him and hard. Do I think that would be abusive of me? No. He would be way over the line and in need of a good shock back to reality.

I think it crosses into abuse if the slapping is being done for little to no reason on a regular basis such as maybe as I'm sitting here typing my son is in fact reaching up and pressing buttons in a rather obnoxious manner (yes he is) if I just slapped him, and did so every time he did this (which is pretty much any time I'm at the computer) that would be abuse in my book. I'm not trying to teach him anything or better his behavior. I would just be annoyed at him and be hitting him out of that annoyance. That's just bad parenting and in my book abuse.

My son, one time, talked back to me very rudely, and I popped him in the mouth. It wasn't a hard pop, not to really inflict pain, but it was a pop, and it stunned him. It was controlled, and I didn't do it out of 'anger', per se, but more out of discipline.

I haven't done it since. Haven't needed to.

Where the line between abuse and discipline is drawn is iffy, wishy washy, and changes constantly.

My mom used to have a 3" wide white leather belt hanging on the closet in the hallway to spank us with. I can't even imagine anything a child would do bad enough to warrant that, where that type of a spanking really would make an impact.

All it did for me was make me angry and want to hide my rebellion better - and *I* was a GOOD kid... a really good kid.

Yes it is demoralizing.

A quick swat on the behind or a slap on the hand to protect a child, a child about to touch a hot stove for example, has an immediate and real reason behind the action. Even a general spanking if it isn't vicious or humilating has good reasons at times.

But a slap across the face is humiliating.

A slap across the face has different connotations and associations. It is almost as if the adult is telling the child, " I don't like you." For a child that can feel devastating.

Even with adults it is sometimes the ultimate rejection. Think about a woman slapping a man who is too forward. It is saying, "Go away. I don't want you around. Leave me alone."

Kids do sometimes make those kind of associations with actions like that. I did.

I know from experience that leaving any mark on a child is considered child abuse, at least in Indiana! This is what I was told by a welfare worker many years ago. I had slapped my stepson (about 11 yo at the time) for screaming and swearing at me. He'd been a butthead all day, purposely trying to provoke me and finally pushed too far. He ran down to the police station and I was arrested.

But here's the irony: We found out later that his mom had put him up to it! He thought he'd get to live with mom again, but she had no phone and his grandma had a new phone number so the police couldn't reach either of them. Instead, the boy got put in a foster home, where he stayed the next nine months. He wasn't allowed to come to our house or have any contact with me; his dad had to have supervised visitation because he hadn't "protected" the boy from me.

(Of course, even though he admitted that he provoked me deliberately, they didn't let me off the hook. Once those folks have their claws into you they won't let go, even if it's a borderline case.)

On the other hand, I spend one night in jail and had to take parenting classes and of course pay a bunch of money in court costs. The other kids (my son and two stepdaughters) laughed when I told them I had to take parenting classes! They said I didn't need them; I was a good mom.

A few years later, the boy came back to live with us because his mom and grandma couldn't handle him. He treated me with more respect than he did his own mom and grandma, never talked back to me, and we got along just fine.

I know that there are better ways to deal with children than slapping them, but children want to know that the adults who care for them are willing to set limits on their behavior. I sure drew the line for him, and I'd do it again for any other child in this family. They know it, too, so I haven't had to slap anyone since then.

This is a very tricky question. My initial gut reaction was to say, most definitely slapping a child on the face is abuse, but then I started thinking about the issue further.

I recall my mother once slapping me in the mouth when I was 11 years old, I was very upset and uttered a very profane and hurtful phrase at her. She reacted immediately by slapping me in the face. It shocked me, she had never done that before, then she started crying. To this day it makes me want to cry, not due to the slap she gave me, but for remembering the look of sadness in my mom's eyes due what I had said. I remember she felt guilty about it afterwards, she even apologized to me for doing it, but I think in that circumstance I really deserved it.

So unless it is clearly evident that the slap is an act of displaced anger and violence on the part of the parent, or if it's physically severe, or if it's chronic in its repetitiveness, I can only say that one should hold back on the automatic inclination to label it as abuse, at least review the entire circumstances of the scenario first. Each case I'm sure would be unique.

PS- I received a few spankings as a child, but that was my one and only slap.

Yes, It is abuse.

I have another view of this.

I believe that striking a child (No matter how or with how much force), should never occur.
If you are commanding enough of respect with children, they will in turn respect you back.

No child deserves to be struck in anyway , would you hit your pet ? Would you slap a baby ?

Think about it from the childs perspective. They rely on you for guidance from the time they are born.
What does slapping a child or spanking a child teach them ? What could you possibly accomplish ?

I believe it is abuse , and taboo.

Kind Regards,
@XDS