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My 15-year-old son wants to get one of his ears pierced. Should I let him?
He's a good kid, doesn't curse, smoke, or lie... he doesn't really argue with me. I homeschool him, and he's mostly doing good with his schoolwork. He's basically a good kid with 'normal' teen kid issues.
Should I let him get one of his ears pierced? He's even willing to pay for it himself...
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Should I let him get one of his ears pierced? He's even willing to pay for it himself...
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October 13, 2009 06:32 AM
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Sure, it even sounds like he's treating himself to something he wants for doing well at school with you.....
They do say you should choose what you are willing to 'fight' or argue over and what you're willing to let slide for the sake of harmony...in this case getting his ear pieced doesn't really seem that bad.....is it worth trying to put your foot down when it really is his body and his money and well, at 15 they can be pretty mature?
I just don't think an argument sounds like time well spent in this case, save it for something important.....
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They do say you should choose what you are willing to 'fight' or argue over and what you're willing to let slide for the sake of harmony...in this case getting his ear pieced doesn't really seem that bad.....is it worth trying to put your foot down when it really is his body and his money and well, at 15 they can be pretty mature?
I just don't think an argument sounds like time well spent in this case, save it for something important.....
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October 13, 2009 06:38 AM
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Yes, I think you should. Having an ear pierced is not as definitive as a tattoo, so if he later changes his mind, he can just remove the earring (or whatever) and the piercing will heal by itself.
The boy is 15, and needs room to experiment. If this is the extent of his experiment, you should be very glad, as it is pretty harmless.
From your description, he sounds like a really smart, responsible boy, so I am convinced this will not be his first step 'down the ladder' ending in the gutter.
You should worry a bit more if he starts to wear all-black clothes, dies his hair (or starts wearing a punk-style), pierces his lower lip, wears army-boots and hangs out with all the wrong kids on the block.
Until then, you should allow him his adventure.
Just remember that things could have been much worse...
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The boy is 15, and needs room to experiment. If this is the extent of his experiment, you should be very glad, as it is pretty harmless.
From your description, he sounds like a really smart, responsible boy, so I am convinced this will not be his first step 'down the ladder' ending in the gutter.
You should worry a bit more if he starts to wear all-black clothes, dies his hair (or starts wearing a punk-style), pierces his lower lip, wears army-boots and hangs out with all the wrong kids on the block.
Until then, you should allow him his adventure.
Just remember that things could have been much worse...
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October 13, 2009 07:07 AM
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I think this is a case of "pick your battles". If my 16 year old son wanted to pierce his ear I would allow him to. I think if it is important to you some ground rules could be set. Maybe tell him he can't wear it to church or for formal family photos (after the initial 6 weeks) or whatever. I don't think I would want him to do anything permanent like putting the earlobe expanders in that some people like. The resulting holes will not shrink if he changes his mind later or goes to a job interview and doesn't want to wear and ear ring.. As long as it is a traditional piercing he can remove the ear ring later without any obvious, permanent changes. By allowing him to get his ear pierced you will be teaching him that self-expression is okay, how to make a decision on his own and that you accept him.
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October 13, 2009 07:12 AM
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Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but I think boys or men wearing ear rings just isn't right. In my opinion, ear rings are for females not males. I know some would disagree with me though.
I am sure you have heard the saying " out of the mouth of babes" when it comes to children saying what is on their minds and getting to the heart of things. They see things in simple terms. I still remember a true story someone told me about a little girl walking down the street with her father. She spots a man with ear rings and immediately says " Daddy, Daddy, look a girly man ! " I think that says it all.
But... all that being said...., if you are comfortable with males wearing ear rings, I guess that him wearing one might not be so bad. He seems like a good kid. Mithrandir2 is right in saying things could be worse. He could want a permanent tattoo or want to join a gang or something even worse. You might not want to let him wear it in school though. You should check to see if the school is ok with it first.
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I am sure you have heard the saying " out of the mouth of babes" when it comes to children saying what is on their minds and getting to the heart of things. They see things in simple terms. I still remember a true story someone told me about a little girl walking down the street with her father. She spots a man with ear rings and immediately says " Daddy, Daddy, look a girly man ! " I think that says it all.
But... all that being said...., if you are comfortable with males wearing ear rings, I guess that him wearing one might not be so bad. He seems like a good kid. Mithrandir2 is right in saying things could be worse. He could want a permanent tattoo or want to join a gang or something even worse. You might not want to let him wear it in school though. You should check to see if the school is ok with it first.
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October 13, 2009 07:20 AM
Thanks for the reply. As for the last part, I said in the question that I homeschool him, so that's not really an issue for us.
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October 13, 2009 07:30 AM
Sorry, guess I missed the part about the homeschooling. Think it is telling me it's time to log off of Mahalo / Conundrum now and go to bed! You and your family have a Good Night. :)
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October 13, 2009 05:28 PM
Many times a child will repeat things they hear their parents say, so the term "girly man" could very well have been a name she heard one of her elders call a man with earrings. My mother had this problem with me as well. We were in line at the grocery store and the lady in front of us was using food stamps. Of course, this was back when they used the old paper ones. I looked up and saw what she was paying with and I said realy loudly in the crowded store, "Look Mom! She's paying with play money!" My mom was sooooooooooo embarrassed. I said that because I remember my older brother referring to food stamps as play money.
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October 13, 2009 11:16 AM
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I would let him get his ear pierced.
Even the best teens have a natural desire to rebel. If his rebellion only involves a pierced ear, you're a very lucky Mother. What's the worst that will happen with a pierced ear? Heck, it's not even completely permanent.
However, I'd make it a "big deal".
If you make him think that you disapprove but eventually "decide" that you respect his individuality, this will go a long way. Not only will you be telling your Son that you trust him, but you may curb other, more significant ways that he could act out.
http://www.stuckinink.com/ear%20diagram_FINAL.jpg
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Even the best teens have a natural desire to rebel. If his rebellion only involves a pierced ear, you're a very lucky Mother. What's the worst that will happen with a pierced ear? Heck, it's not even completely permanent.
However, I'd make it a "big deal".
If you make him think that you disapprove but eventually "decide" that you respect his individuality, this will go a long way. Not only will you be telling your Son that you trust him, but you may curb other, more significant ways that he could act out.
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October 13, 2009 12:13 PM
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Look at it this way. This is his first major decision in life. Give him all of the information that he needs to make it. for a first life decision, it is mild. He is not deciding to have a drink or to light one up. But if you give him the power to make his own decision, don't put restrictions on it. Believe me if he pierces his ear, it won't be long and you wont even notice it anymore. Your son is just wanting to express himself and this is not an unhealthy way to do it. If you keep it low key he will probably end up taking it out later anyway or wearing it sometimes.
Him making this decision is important because you homeschool. I homeschooled for a few years until I had to go back to work. he is not in a group of unsupervised kids like he would be if he was in school. Chances are you are in a homeschool group where he gets socialization but there are always parents there. This is not a bad thing just self expression.
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Him making this decision is important because you homeschool. I homeschooled for a few years until I had to go back to work. he is not in a group of unsupervised kids like he would be if he was in school. Chances are you are in a homeschool group where he gets socialization but there are always parents there. This is not a bad thing just self expression.
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October 13, 2009 12:51 PM
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It speaks well of your parenting skills that he even asked your permission! Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your son, something many parents lack. Some teens would have just come home all pierced up and surprise their parents. If all he wants is one simple piercing and a tasteful earring, I think you should let him do it.
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October 13, 2009 05:23 PM
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A piercing? Yes, because it can later be removed if they grow up and decide they don't want it. Something more permanent, like a tattoo, I would make them wait until they are older and more sure of what they want and who they want to be.
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October 13, 2009 11:39 PM
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Well, I think it's bound to happen, every teen wants to fit in somehow. If other teens are doing something it's very logical your son will want to do the same.
I remembered when I wanted to get my lip pierced. I bought a clip on and wore it for a few weeks to see how it would feel. It felt fine after a few days, so after a few weeks I decided to get it pierced for real.
I wore the ring for an entire month then I lost it, and forgot about it. My lip closed after a few weeks. I haven't been tempted to get it reopened.
So I think that if your son wants to get his ear pierced then you should let him. It's just a fad and if he doesn't like it he can let his piercing heal and close.
Oh, and just to let you know, getting an ear piercing is a fad that's almost gone. I think lip, bellybutton and other facial piercings are still cool. You don't have to tell him that though. :D
By the way, at least it's just his ear! :D
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I remembered when I wanted to get my lip pierced. I bought a clip on and wore it for a few weeks to see how it would feel. It felt fine after a few days, so after a few weeks I decided to get it pierced for real.
I wore the ring for an entire month then I lost it, and forgot about it. My lip closed after a few weeks. I haven't been tempted to get it reopened.
So I think that if your son wants to get his ear pierced then you should let him. It's just a fad and if he doesn't like it he can let his piercing heal and close.
Oh, and just to let you know, getting an ear piercing is a fad that's almost gone. I think lip, bellybutton and other facial piercings are still cool. You don't have to tell him that though. :D
By the way, at least it's just his ear! :D
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October 13, 2009 11:47 PM
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When my son was 13, he wanted to shave the bottom of his head and dye what was left black, and wear it in a ponytail. I refused. Things happened, and I now see that in the overall scheme of things, it didn't matter. If he's a good kid, let him pierce his ear. It's not like he wants a tattoo of satan or a ring through his nose.
Seriously, Michy, in the overall scheme of things, you'll see in later years that it really isn't that important whether your kid has a hole in his ear.
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Seriously, Michy, in the overall scheme of things, you'll see in later years that it really isn't that important whether your kid has a hole in his ear.
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October 18, 2009 08:38 PM
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Yes, I think you should allow him to express himself in this harmless way. As others said, the fact that he asked you shows that he's level headed and the two of you have good communication.
At 15, it's time for him to take control of some decisions about his appearance, as long as they don't involve actions that are unsafe or that he'll clearly regret later.
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At 15, it's time for him to take control of some decisions about his appearance, as long as they don't involve actions that are unsafe or that he'll clearly regret later.
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