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We're looking to buy a new house, and we've agreed on four bedrooms, two living areas, but...
...I have a medical condition that sometimes causes me to have to use a wheelchair, so the master bathroom and bedroom MUST be downstairs. The thing is, I have a 15 year old son and the area we're looking at houses has mostly two story houses. We can find the master bed/bath down, but that means my son's room and bathroom are upstairs.
I'm afraid this will give him too much freedom when he knows I can't handle the stairs easily to check on him, his room and bathroom cleanliness, what he's messing with in the other bedrooms upstairs, etc. (he's a... uhm, curious ADHD child, let me tell you).
BUT single story houses here are so much more expensive, because land is the premium and single stories take up more land to have the same size house.
Should I compromise on this and let my son have freedom of being upstairs alone (which he's all for), or should we hold out for a downstairs only?
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I'm afraid this will give him too much freedom when he knows I can't handle the stairs easily to check on him, his room and bathroom cleanliness, what he's messing with in the other bedrooms upstairs, etc. (he's a... uhm, curious ADHD child, let me tell you).
BUT single story houses here are so much more expensive, because land is the premium and single stories take up more land to have the same size house.
Should I compromise on this and let my son have freedom of being upstairs alone (which he's all for), or should we hold out for a downstairs only?
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September 29, 2009 03:08 AM
Life with a mother confined to a wheelchair, including all those dicey teen years.
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Okay, this is actually my personal area of expertise! My mom has always been in a wheelchair, and even though our family home was a ranch, I quickly escaped the "grasp" of my mom by insisting on making a bedroom for myself in the basement.
I was 15, sarcastic, messy, and I knew I could run downstairs to easily get away from her since she couldn't easily follow. But you know what? It worked out just dine because I was a basically good teen. I didn't drink or do drugs and my worst crimes were swearing at my parents, keeping a MESSY room, and staying up too late at night. In so many ways the space was actually a good thing. My mom didn't NEED to have my room clean all the time, and her harping on it was only creating a friction barrier between us. When I moved downstairs, our relationship improved because she couldn't micro manage me. Out of sight out of mind.
And I survived. She survived. We were all made it just fine as a family.
My advice to you: Unless you have a specific and serious reason for needing to watch over him (like sneaking out, drugs, etc.) then I say give him his space. Between you and the rest of your family (husband?) you'll be able to watch him just enough to know he's safe. And I bet he'll really appreciate the limited freedom.
If you ever need advice, suggestions, or anyone to just talk to about what it's like to incorporate wheelchair use into everyday family life, vacations, etc., please always feel free to message me and I'd be glad to help however I can. I have loads of experience to draw from.
Forget the ranch, and relax. He'll be just fine. :)
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I was 15, sarcastic, messy, and I knew I could run downstairs to easily get away from her since she couldn't easily follow. But you know what? It worked out just dine because I was a basically good teen. I didn't drink or do drugs and my worst crimes were swearing at my parents, keeping a MESSY room, and staying up too late at night. In so many ways the space was actually a good thing. My mom didn't NEED to have my room clean all the time, and her harping on it was only creating a friction barrier between us. When I moved downstairs, our relationship improved because she couldn't micro manage me. Out of sight out of mind.
And I survived. She survived. We were all made it just fine as a family.
My advice to you: Unless you have a specific and serious reason for needing to watch over him (like sneaking out, drugs, etc.) then I say give him his space. Between you and the rest of your family (husband?) you'll be able to watch him just enough to know he's safe. And I bet he'll really appreciate the limited freedom.
If you ever need advice, suggestions, or anyone to just talk to about what it's like to incorporate wheelchair use into everyday family life, vacations, etc., please always feel free to message me and I'd be glad to help however I can. I have loads of experience to draw from.
Forget the ranch, and relax. He'll be just fine. :)
Life with a mother confined to a wheelchair, including all those dicey teen years.
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• You're right, he will be just fine, no matter what I choose...thank you, though, for sharing your viewpoints on the teen's side. I worry that having to push me around sometimes is tiresome for him, but he is always so helpful, says he doesn't mind. I want him to have privacy and a place of his own, but at the same time, he's irresponsible and not real good at following rules.
The main thing is that he still needs a bit more supervision (several impulsive ADHD) than most kids his age, but overall, he's a good kid and I do probably need to start loosening reins some. Thanks for the answer!
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September 29, 2009 01:13 AM
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I know there's a stigma with double wides but that kind of layout would work out for you, I think. Plus I've seen some very nice ones.
Otherwise I think with buying a house you should consider the long run. Which will you be happiest with? Which will you be more comfortable in? Your son will be old enough soon that he could probably handle the responsibility of his own space upstairs. Another thing to consider is what you will do with the upstairs area or the extra space when/if your son moves out.
House hunting can be fun...yet exhausting and nerve wracking. Good luck!
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Otherwise I think with buying a house you should consider the long run. Which will you be happiest with? Which will you be more comfortable in? Your son will be old enough soon that he could probably handle the responsibility of his own space upstairs. Another thing to consider is what you will do with the upstairs area or the extra space when/if your son moves out.
House hunting can be fun...yet exhausting and nerve wracking. Good luck!
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October 02, 2009 05:12 AM
No, it's not so much the stigma here but we're just not interested in a manufactured home or a 'trailer'. We're needing something in the neighborhood of 3-4000 sq ft, and manufactured homes just don't come that big! Thanks for the answer, though!
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September 29, 2009 01:31 AM
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I don't know what your price range is, but if $40,000 is only 5% or 10% of the purchase price, it might make sense to install an elevator. I know it seems off the wall, but they're now a luxury item with the added mobility benefit. As long as it's done nicely (and doesn't look like a medical appliance), you should get at least some home appreciation because of it. This is something I intend to do at some point purely for luxury, and they're only going to get more popular as the years go by.
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October 02, 2009 05:03 AM
This is a fantastic idea.... it could be down very attractively and would help also when moving furniture upstairs or for doing laundry or stuff without having to tote big things up and down. I like the concept of it and will have to look into the pricing if we find a two story or three story that we really just love. Thanks!
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September 29, 2009 02:58 AM
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If you are really worried about your son having all that freedom and you being troubled just to supervise him i think you should CONSIDER A SING STORY HOUSE or perhaps putting CCTV CAMERAS upstairs=)... that way you can monitor what's going on upstairs without going through the trouble of coming up the stairs yourself plus it's for added security from outsiders=)...
For me we shouldn't take for granted or set aside to monitor and supervise our kids while we can... So Just try to see which option would best fit your budget=)...
Good luck and Take care...
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For me we shouldn't take for granted or set aside to monitor and supervise our kids while we can... So Just try to see which option would best fit your budget=)...
Good luck and Take care...
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September 29, 2009 03:01 AM
No, I won't do cameras. There is a big difference between wanting to keep an eye on him easily and invading his privacy. Cameras don't allow him privacy and a 15 year old really needs that, but they need it inside the confines of safe supervision.
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September 29, 2009 05:56 AM
Hi i thought you'd say that=) But i believe you can still give them the privacy they need since you don't need to watch your monitor the whole time... you can just view what's happening upstairs once in awhile just when you feel like coming upstairs...=)
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October 02, 2009 05:09 AM
Nah, that's not the option for me and my kiddos, but it was nice of you to take the time to answer and come back too - I'm sure it might be an option for some parent!
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September 29, 2009 10:50 AM
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What is the worst that could happen?
I think that faced with your situation, I would ask myself this question. I'd list out all of the worst case scenarios and then talk to my son about new rules in the new house to avoid those scenarios.
For example, if one of those worst case items included girls upstairs... easy!
No girls upstairs - ever.
Is the computer a problem?.. no problem!
Install a single network cable (no wireless) in the kitchen.
Go through the list and talk openly and honestly with your son. Tell him that you're worried about some of these things and that in order to give him the added freedom of the second story, that you would like to set some new rules with him.
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I think that faced with your situation, I would ask myself this question. I'd list out all of the worst case scenarios and then talk to my son about new rules in the new house to avoid those scenarios.
For example, if one of those worst case items included girls upstairs... easy!
No girls upstairs - ever.
Is the computer a problem?.. no problem!
Install a single network cable (no wireless) in the kitchen.
Go through the list and talk openly and honestly with your son. Tell him that you're worried about some of these things and that in order to give him the added freedom of the second story, that you would like to set some new rules with him.
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October 02, 2009 05:05 AM
Definitely a big proponent to communication and 'no girls' in the room - my mom had the same rule about boys for us too! As for the internet, I HAVE to have wireless for my work, but we did password protect it and I manually enter it in for him now (We had some porn viewing issues, ah, teen boys).
This was a great answer - thank you.
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This was a great answer - thank you.
September 29, 2009 04:19 PM
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Back when I was "growing-up-Catholic", there was an expression called "occasion of sin"...and we were constantly reminded to not put ourselves in situations that could create problems. This seems to be one of those cases. No matter how wonderful your son is, he's 15, and I think it would be better for a 15 year old not to have a space in the house that he knew his mother couldn't get to. Whether you would actually go in to his room or not, the knowledge that you can could give him backbone if his friends encouraged him to do something inappropriate.
The other issue I think about, though, is that you're son is only 3 years away from college. When he leaves, you'll have an unoccupied second floor that you can't use. Why would you want to pay for space in a house that you couldn't benefit from? I would wait until I found an accessible house that was in my price range.
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The other issue I think about, though, is that you're son is only 3 years away from college. When he leaves, you'll have an unoccupied second floor that you can't use. Why would you want to pay for space in a house that you couldn't benefit from? I would wait until I found an accessible house that was in my price range.
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October 02, 2009 05:07 AM
I agree with you - it's not a good idea for him to have a space he knows I can't get too, or at least, not often or easily. you're also right about him being on his own soon enough (maybe, perhaps? I feel sometimes like he's going to want to live with me forever!)
I think you're right - buying a house is a big decision for long-term. I've been in my current house for 7 years and my husband has had his for 12, so it'll be something that we're going to keep for a long time after he leaves, and the upstairs should be accessible. So if the elevator idea isn't an option, then waiting to find the 'right' place for me is probably best. Thanks for your input!
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I think you're right - buying a house is a big decision for long-term. I've been in my current house for 7 years and my husband has had his for 12, so it'll be something that we're going to keep for a long time after he leaves, and the upstairs should be accessible. So if the elevator idea isn't an option, then waiting to find the 'right' place for me is probably best. Thanks for your input!
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