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What would you do if someone you considered a friend abandoned you during a very difficult time in your life?
If your child had a long term illness and someone you counted on to help you through the trying times said that she couldn't handle the stress of your child's illness and stopped talking or seeing you, then a year later sent you a letter telling you how wonder her family was doing, what would you do?
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December 18, 2009 03:28 PM
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Something similar has happened to me before. It sucks when we invest our time getting to know people, and then they are not there for us when we need them.
You know what, though? We have to take people as they are, not as we would have them be. Friendship is not like business. In business we can stipulate, "OK, I spend so much time with you, and then you are obligated to be there for me when I need you." Friends are there for us because and only because they want to be. It just is hollow if a "friend" is with us out of obligation. I've been there, too, and it sucks as well.
Some friends are just fair weather friends. That is just how life is.
So, to answwer your question: I would chalk it up to that person being a fair weather friend. Hopefully I had invested my time in more than one friend, and had others to fall back on.
You know what, though? We have to take people as they are, not as we would have them be. Friendship is not like business. In business we can stipulate, "OK, I spend so much time with you, and then you are obligated to be there for me when I need you." Friends are there for us because and only because they want to be. It just is hollow if a "friend" is with us out of obligation. I've been there, too, and it sucks as well.
Some friends are just fair weather friends. That is just how life is.
So, to answwer your question: I would chalk it up to that person being a fair weather friend. Hopefully I had invested my time in more than one friend, and had others to fall back on.
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• Thanks for your help with this. It is probably the bigger road to take as well. Though, writing her back would and telling her how hurtful she was might be my preferred choice but maybe silence is golden (as they say). Thanks again.
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December 18, 2009 01:44 PM
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I would send a return letter with the same respect and consideration they gave me. A year later with a note saying the stress of losing a good friend in hard times was just too much to bear in times family distress. I have very little patience for bad friends and "the stress" is something we all deal with everyday. This to me would be no excuse to abandon anyone .. more likely a reason to step up and make a choice and commitment to help. At the very least notify me immediately of the intent to ignore me throughout the crisis in my family. I would not count this person among my friends any longer. No friend would abandon another friend for this reason.
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March 19, 2010 07:27 PM
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A friend would not abandon you. That means this person could not have met the definition of friend. Most likely they enjoyed using you and when you had little to give they were not interested in you. People like these have a special place in hell.
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