I know we're supposed to let our kids "express themselves" and all that, but I sure can understand a man not wanting his little feller to dress like a princess! It's not unusual for little boys and girls to want to wear each other's stuff, my grandson used to like to wear his sister's play jewelry and we gently teased him about it but didn't really give him a hard time. But full-dress princess, I don't think so. I'm old-fashioned enough to believe that some things just aren't appropriate for a young man to wear out in public.

I'm assuming this is just a Halloween costume and he doesn't always want to be a princess, just for this occasion? I'd let my husband have his say and tell my son he had to choose a different costume. Dad's opinion needs to be respected when he's not being unreasonable.

It appears the little boy had lots of exposure to female peers whose glamorous “pretend”-lifestyle has captivated his imagination. There is nothing wrong with a little boy becoming curious about and wanting to act out dress styles that are considered by many as “strictly” girly. From little on, most children, both male and female, tend to enjoy “pretty” and “cute” things, as these are typically items that come in bright, pastel colors, which tend to bind children’s attention. Most young children tend to stare longer at a brightly colored toy, for example, than at a bland, dark colored (brown or grey), or black-and-white toy. Young children also enjoy these pastel and rainbow colors because they provide a means for creativity inspired by their blooming imagination. When given a chance, young children will likely choose markers, crayons, stickers, construction paper, and other art supplies in rainbow and pastel colors, because these are simply the colors that make them happy and make their artwork look amazing. Further, cartoons, books, and toys geared towards younger children also come in these lighter colors because the young audiences will respond favorably to the fun pictures and characters created in such lively colors. This being said, most girl items, whether they are dolls, diaries, plush kittens, or yes … the princess dress also come in very bright colors that turn the heads of both boys and girls in the department store aisle. My own son, when he was about 3 and 4 years old, oftentimes requested certain items in the store that were technically targeted at girls (the cute white kitty with a purple bow around her neck or the Dora the Explorer doll that also spoke Spanish). Demonstrating interest in these items does not portray any negative aspects of the boy’s personality but instead shows the sensitivity and innocence still inherent in this young child, who has not yet been influenced so heavily by society that he must feel “ashamed” for liking the color pink. Of course, young children do catch on quick and realize that certain color schemes are intended primarily for girls while others are more aimed at boys. Likely, when their rooms are decorated with red and blue pickup trucks rather than pink and mint green flowers, do boys come to grips with the fact that the beautiful, bright colors that once made them so happy to look at were not intended for them. This can be somewhat frustrating and as boys try to adapt to their new understanding they may exhibit negative reactions towards things they once thought were nice. For example, once my son realized that girls wore pink and boys were not supposed to look at dolls (which he learned through comments of his friends by the way) he started “hating that girly stuff”. I think this is a sad departure from his natural interests, which did not present any type of challenge in regards to his sexuality or personality. It simply meant that he enjoyed a healthy curiosity and still displayed more open-mindedness and self-esteem than many adults would. Should the little boy be allowed to dress up as a princess? Well, the answer to that question is not so clear cut. I think that if he is interested in princesses, he should at least be allowed to explore the topic in greater depth. For instance, the parents could sit down with him and read stories or watch movies about princesses (no harm in that). The stories do not have to be by Disney. There were may princesses in the history of Europe for example that the parents could learn more about with their son (great opportunity for an early history lesson). The parents should also set up a play date with one of his female friends who could then talk to him more about what princesses do and he could maybe inspect her princess dress more closely. Maybe they could also reverse role play, letting the girl be the prince while the boy is the princess. Talking to the little boy may actually help the parents understand what it is precisely about princesses that impresses the boy. Is it their grace and beauty? Is it that most princesses are very friendly and helpful? Does he like the smooth silkiness of the princess dress? Does he enjoy any princess story in particular? Maybe he, like most children, is simply captivated by the magic portrayed in princess stories that have fairy godmothers, a prince that comes to the rescue, and talking animals? (My son liked the movie "Enchanted" when it came out because of Pip the talking chipmunk and the way the movie went from cartoon to real life) The parents should definitely remain open-minded and non-critical over their son’s interests and find out why he likes princesses. Sure, it’s likely not the scenario that any father wants to find his son in, but who knows, maybe the princesses from the stories the little boy is familiar with just remind him of the lovingness of his own mother and by dressing up like a princess the boy himself with feel serene and engulfed by motherly love.

I'd tell his father that my son can very well be a princess if he wants to, and if he has a problem with it, then I have a problem with him. Society's rules about gender are stupid. Why shouldn't a boy be able to dress up like a princess? The costumes are gorgeous; I can't blame him. I'd much rather have a child who isn't rigid about gender roles, even if it garners him teasing, than someone who feels limited by them.

Clothing used to be much fancier for boys and girls alike, anyway, years ago. The whole idea that men can't wear anything beyond a sloppy T-shirt and jeans didn't always exist.

http://harlemworldblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/disney-princess-group1.jpg

Get him a tiara.

Why should you try to make your son into anything other than exactly the person he wants to be?

There are several possible explanations for the son's behavior. Maybe he just wants to play dress-up? Princesses are pretty and happy, and maybe he wants to wear the costume and pretend. Many young children like to role play as their favorite characters, and his favorite characters of the moment are princesses. Maybe he wants to identify as a female? He may feel some propensity toward feminine dress and mannerisms, and being a princess is his way of acting on it. Maybe it's just fun? Kids enjoy games and activities that we as adults don't understand.

Ask the husband how he would feel if he had a daughter that wanted to act out a male role? Would he object to her being a Prince, a Football player, or another male-oriented figure? Next, ask him how he would feel if his son wanted to play dress-up and act as an animal. Is the idea of his son being a princess more offensive than him being a dog or an elephant? These questions will hopefully make him think, and, at the very least, his answers will be telling.

I know that his mother doesn't want to cause conflict with her husband, but she really needs to stand up for her son. His father's judgment of him could cause hurt and pain that last for years. I hope that he can change his attitude now.

Good luck!