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Your child comes home after curfew. Do you believe their excuse or give them the benefit of a doubt?
Your daughter, who has never been late before, comes home after her curfew. She has an excellent excuse but you suspect it's not true. Do you give her the benefit of a doubt or ground her on the spot?
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October 08, 2009 04:26 PM
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I give her the benefit of doubt. Simply because I have a theory. The truth and a lie are not mixable. they are like oil and water. Sooner or later the truth always surfaces to the top.
When my kids are late and I don't hear from them I start calling their cellphones. When that happens I am already getting a sketchy story
The next day I would start asking simple probing questions. Like asking for more details than what I was given the night before. If they have lied to me it will quickly come unraveled. it works everytime. So then if I find that they have lied to me I ground them.
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When my kids are late and I don't hear from them I start calling their cellphones. When that happens I am already getting a sketchy story
The next day I would start asking simple probing questions. Like asking for more details than what I was given the night before. If they have lied to me it will quickly come unraveled. it works everytime. So then if I find that they have lied to me I ground them.
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October 08, 2009 03:58 PM
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If it were me, I'd believe her for this time. After all she is usually responsible. None of us wants everyone to suspect us. Imagine if someone said that they dont believe you outright. Giving her some trust is good way to boost her self esteem and responsibility as well and learn that you trust her.
If it happens the second time and she is very late (more than 1 hour late) I would investigate.
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If it happens the second time and she is very late (more than 1 hour late) I would investigate.
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October 08, 2009 04:10 PM
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Depends on the age. If she's still quite young, letting her get away with things makes it look like you're reluctant to discipline her. It doesn't have to be anything harsh, especially since she may or may not have a good excuse and has been good about curfew til now, but you following through with rules is important for younger kids so they learn boundaries and responsibility.
If she's a bit older, well, the benefit of the doubt is probably best. At a certain point, teenagers, even the very well behaved and responsible ones, will want a bit of freedom. Instead of going to the library like they said, they might have gone to a friend's house to watch a movie and eat junk food. They might even engage in some activities you've warned them against, but at a certain point you just have to trust that you've done your job raising her and give her the benefit of the doubt.
But at the same time, if you see warning signs of something seriously wrong going on, you should step in. Trust your kid, but trust your instincts more.
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If she's a bit older, well, the benefit of the doubt is probably best. At a certain point, teenagers, even the very well behaved and responsible ones, will want a bit of freedom. Instead of going to the library like they said, they might have gone to a friend's house to watch a movie and eat junk food. They might even engage in some activities you've warned them against, but at a certain point you just have to trust that you've done your job raising her and give her the benefit of the doubt.
But at the same time, if you see warning signs of something seriously wrong going on, you should step in. Trust your kid, but trust your instincts more.
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October 08, 2009 05:02 PM
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It all depends on a number of factors:
- How trustworthy has my child been in the past? If it's a first offense I'd be much more inclined to believe her than if she does this all the time.
- Just how late is she? 30 minutes late and 3 hours late are two very different animals.
- What else could she possibly have been doing? For instance, if this is prom night or something, I'm going to be less inclined to believe an excuse because I know there are plenty of parties and such she was probably at.
There are plenty more variables to consider, but those are a few of the major ones.
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- How trustworthy has my child been in the past? If it's a first offense I'd be much more inclined to believe her than if she does this all the time.
- Just how late is she? 30 minutes late and 3 hours late are two very different animals.
- What else could she possibly have been doing? For instance, if this is prom night or something, I'm going to be less inclined to believe an excuse because I know there are plenty of parties and such she was probably at.
There are plenty more variables to consider, but those are a few of the major ones.
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