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November 05, 2009 02:10 PM
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Make this decision based on what YOU want to do. For a long time you have been affected by the decisions these two made to break their wedding vows. They didn't ask you for your approval before they got divorced, even though it affected you and any other children involved far more than it affected them. They got what they wanted, and they had a voice in the decision. The children pay the highest price because the adults make decisions based on their own happiness. It is most likely that they have played ping pong with your emotional attachments, telling you how bad your father or mother was, and how good they are. It's possible they still try and play that one note song.
What do you tell them? Remember when they told you they were divorcing? Remember the first holidays without one of your parents? You had no say, they just made an announcement, as if they could turn your world upside down and never see any effect from it.
Two possibilities
1. "Mom (or Dad), I'm going to spend the holidays with Dad (or Mom) this year."
2. "Dad (or Mom), I'm staying where I am for the holidays"
Don't argue with them or defend your decision, don't have long discussions about it or explain it, just tell them what you are going to do and then do it. They are the adults that broke up your family. This is part of that decision that they made, only now, you are finally included in the decision making process. Do what is best for you, it's about time somebody did.
What do you tell them? Remember when they told you they were divorcing? Remember the first holidays without one of your parents? You had no say, they just made an announcement, as if they could turn your world upside down and never see any effect from it.
Two possibilities
1. "Mom (or Dad), I'm going to spend the holidays with Dad (or Mom) this year."
2. "Dad (or Mom), I'm staying where I am for the holidays"
Don't argue with them or defend your decision, don't have long discussions about it or explain it, just tell them what you are going to do and then do it. They are the adults that broke up your family. This is part of that decision that they made, only now, you are finally included in the decision making process. Do what is best for you, it's about time somebody did.
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November 05, 2009 05:28 AM
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I think it would be fine and the parent you live with is most likely going to understand, unless that means leaving them completely by themselves for the holiday.
If it's a matter of someone being alone I'd tell both parents that we need to work something out so (whomever) isn't by themselves. If all else fails, try to spend the holiday with both in that case, sure everyone can get along for something like that.
Otherwise, I don't see anything wrong with taking turns with the parents. Might even be nice to go somewhere different once in a while.
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If it's a matter of someone being alone I'd tell both parents that we need to work something out so (whomever) isn't by themselves. If all else fails, try to spend the holiday with both in that case, sure everyone can get along for something like that.
Otherwise, I don't see anything wrong with taking turns with the parents. Might even be nice to go somewhere different once in a while.
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November 05, 2009 08:10 PM
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I would talk to my CP and feel the waters. I would suggest that we would celebrate Christmas on another day. Does your NCP live close? Because if he does you could spend Christmas Eve with your Mom and Christmas Day with your dad.
If this is something you want to do, you need to talk to your mom early (now) to give her time to make other plans. Christmas can be such a lonely time when the ones we love are not at home. She may be ok with it if you talk to her early.
When you do talk to her, offer her concessions, such as an alternate celebration. I know that this is not going to be fun for you but you will pull it out.
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If this is something you want to do, you need to talk to your mom early (now) to give her time to make other plans. Christmas can be such a lonely time when the ones we love are not at home. She may be ok with it if you talk to her early.
When you do talk to her, offer her concessions, such as an alternate celebration. I know that this is not going to be fun for you but you will pull it out.
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November 07, 2009 09:22 AM
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Be happy the parent who you do not live with wants to see you, go have fun IF it is a safe place for you. The parent you live with gets to see you all the time, and should understand. If possible you could do an arrangement like my grand daughter does, it allows her the best of both worlds.
My granddaughter (whose parents are divorced) spends the holiday mornings with her dad and leaves at 2 to return to my daughter. I think this sucks for her, but it does enable her to see both parents on the holidays and have two celebrations on the same day. She is 5 so it works for now, but I worry about the future.
My three children have the same dad and holidays are easy with no fighting here, he simply does not see the kids as often as I think he should. The kids miss him, but their dad chooses his other family over them all the time which sucks. He's only been with the other family for a few years and our kids are teens and young adults and my ex thinks they should understand.
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My granddaughter (whose parents are divorced) spends the holiday mornings with her dad and leaves at 2 to return to my daughter. I think this sucks for her, but it does enable her to see both parents on the holidays and have two celebrations on the same day. She is 5 so it works for now, but I worry about the future.
My three children have the same dad and holidays are easy with no fighting here, he simply does not see the kids as often as I think he should. The kids miss him, but their dad chooses his other family over them all the time which sucks. He's only been with the other family for a few years and our kids are teens and young adults and my ex thinks they should understand.
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